Hard love

Someone asked how come I am writing a lot of emo stuff now.

But if you look properly, it was only the last two posts!

I was going through some of the blogs on my links and found two which have a common theme - gay relationships and how it is different from straight ones and how they more often than not fail.

First of all, I understand where they are coming from. Either from their own experiences or observation of their gay friends, gay couples seems to be breaking quite often.

Or maybe, when one is unsure or insecure about their current relationships, they start to wonder. It is a very normal reaction and even I have it sometimes.

Questions like, will this last? Would he continue to love me ten years from now? Would his heart and mind start to wander?

What I personally disagree is the emphasis on differences of gay and straight relationships.

I don't see how the both are different, besides the obvious fact of the sexes. Just like a straight guy and a gay guy is only different in what turns them on sexually, the former being breasts and pussies and the latter penises.

A romantic relationship is a romantic relationship - a foundation and connection between two people to build and nurture. No two people are alike - two guys or one guy and one girl. Thus, no two relationships are alike.

In fact, a guy and a girl are waaaay more different in thinking. So logically, if a relationship were to work it should be two guys since well ... both of them are guys and should theoretically think more alike.

Okay-lar, unless you want to argue about how opposites attract, one soft and one hard, yin and yang, etc.

Or how two gays but very straight and Neantherdal-thinking guys who can't express their emotions properly and tend to pent up type cannot possibly together ....

Admittedly there are differences.

The breeders tend have a common goal - to propagate the human race by having children. If they don't have such a goal, rest assured that they will when they reach age thirty, thanks to busybody relatives or gossiping colleagues or friends.

We don't have a common goal, at least not one defined by marriage or children. We want someone for companionship, to be there when we are in need, to bitch and whine to, etc.

Of course, the society's support is important too. Notice how even people that the couple don't know, like their aunt's brother's son's cousin's friend, would suddenly turn up at their weddings and wish them congratulations.

It's like some people who are too free and only goal in life society's only role is to get every single men and women attached to someone and to attend weddings.

If one were to look at statistics, more than half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. And the divorce rate is increasing in Asian countries too.

So yeah, the straights don't have it better. They just break up much later.

I am sure you have heard of cheating husbands who walked out on their wives after twenty years of marriage and two children.

Which goes to show that straight relationships are just as bad. And children doesn't necessarily can make a marriage last.

The things that will make a relationship work are deeper and harder to work at. Like a common goal, shared dreams and similar interests.

I can't remember where I have read this, but an article says that for guys, doing things together (not just sex!) is important. They are better off and able keep the relationship alive longer. Guys bond by doing things, not just by communication and talking about emotional or personal stuff.

Which is very true. It doesn't matter if one likes to paint while the other likes to go clubbing, as long as there are a few things which both like to do and spend quality time together, like cooking or watching movies.

It's undeniable that gay relationships are harder to work at, simply because there is not much societal support and when many gay men and women are still in the closet.

It's very rare that one can bring the boyfriend home and say, "Mom and Dad, meet my boyfriend/husband/significant other, Channing Tatum."

No one to give you advice, no one to turn to, no one to ask how things should be done besides your other gay friends or close girl friends.

So basically, it is simply harder because the relationship has to be made stronger from within and from the both of them, rather than from the outside or from parents / friends / relatives / society.

It takes more work also harder simply because both are guys.

I am not saying men cannot be monogamous; it's a matter of willpower and discipline.

Furthermore, as there is a lack of external forces to bind a gay relationship together and usually it is only the internal parties that do most of the work, the ropes that bind two people together may break more easily.

Which goes back to the point of making the rope stronger and this needs lots of commitment and discipline from both parties.

This is not helped by the phenomenon of so-called popular gay culture - clubbing, youth-worshipping, easy sex, etc.

Not many supportive people + Temptations of instant gratification = Easier break-ups

Okay, I think I have veered off my point.

But essentially, a gay relationship needs more work. A gay relationship is not doomed just because it's a gay relationship.

Or maybe I am just an idealistic fool and refuse to face the truth. ;P

From my speaking with other people, they say that one cannot party and club and have dark-room sex forever. The time would come when they would want to settle down and desire the stability of a relationship.

So the question is, when is that time?

Also, long-lasting relationships tend to form when one is closer to thirties. Perhaps at that stage, one is more stable financially and emotionally and has a clearer idea of his needs and wants.

Obviously, there are exceptions. There are people who want to settle down and not fool around when they are only twenty.

In fact, I think many of us grew up with fairy tales of happily ever after and movies and serials on TV that we might prefer to find someone for a long term and stable relationship and forgo the sleeping around and easy sex.

There are many people who think like that. You just have to find them.

When they are found, it doesn't mean the search is over. You haven't arrive at the destination yet.

It's only the beginning. The journey to happiness and contentment is a long and hard one.