Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The beginning of the end

Thank you for the words of encouragement and support. It’s amazing how barely less than 24 hours of my posting that you guys have responded with your comments.

In fact, this eventuality was not unexpected. With his less than enthusiastic response to my calls and him never calling me save once, the end was in sight.

I suppose it was never meant to be and I was too in love with him to see that. Funny how one looks at things differently went one is in love. Nothing seems impossible.

The signs were all there.

Thus, when I called him a few days before my Phuket trip next month, we cleared things up. He made his feelings, or lack of, be known after some prompting from me.

He said, “Did you find someone new?”

“No, that’s not it. It’s better to clarify things than to leave them unclear.”

“Are we still a couple then?” I asked.

“Yeah. We’ll see how when I come back next year. We’ll talk about it then.”

It didn’t really make much sense, because we didn’t do anything that resembles a couple anymore.

I have no idea why, but I acquiesced.

Initially, I was hopeful that things would improve. But after some serious thought and a clearer perspective on things, I realised things would be better this way.

It wasn’t that difficult letting go, even though I loved him a lot. I still do.

No, I am not pining for him or clutching at straws.

When feelings are not reciprocated or when one’s efforts are not appreciated sufficiently, it does make things easier.

I am human after all. I do need love and care in return. It gets tiresome and frustrating if it only goes one way.

Not that I am blaming him, of course. This sort of things happen. I was his first crush, which turned into a relationship. And as we know, crushes very seldom last unless both parties work at it.

Anyway, when we started, we said that we were supposed to see how things go. To gauge our compatibility and our feelings for each other.

Somehow, somewhere, it turned into something serious.

We had frequently joked about how incompatible we are. About how things could be different if he had graduated from university. About how different we are, like the sky and the earth.

Perhaps we are too different.

It was great while it lasted. I hoped I had made him happy and felt loved, even though there were moments of anger and hurt.

Do not cry that it is over, but smile that it happened. ;P

Cliché, but very true in my situation.

19 comments:

patrick said...

Love and relationship is really hard to judge. I am sure both of you have worked hard enough to go this far but since he is not your fate..might as well just let him goes. Cherish those memories together and hope you have a wonderful journey ahead. although I never know you in person but I have a feeling that you are a nice guy and I am sure you will get your happiness one day. Don't get upset dude.

JL said...

*pats

It's painful but it's a wise resolution.

night said...

sorry, but this is what i guess will happen when he leave

Derek said...

patrick: Thanks. I am not too upset, as this happpened last month and I am only posting it now.

Yeah, I will definitely remember the times we had together ;P


jl: Thanks. There's no better way actually ;P


night: Heh. Okay. Everyone seems to have expected it.

Personally, I don't think it was the distance. I believe LDRs do work.

Cliff said...

Sorry to hear about this. Take care.

Life Cafez said...

Life isn't always easy and not every relationships works, but if you keep on going to persevere to the very best of your ability, you'll gain strength and challenges ahead.

I understand that sometimes letting go is the only solution we manage to make, and yet allow us to make... Move on, leave things be the memories and don't look back again, just continue to climb the steps of life. Spread your wings and soar! Always believe in yourself, and your happiness will be in your hands!

Good Luck dude, all the best in life and take care!

WiL

Ban said...

Looks like I missed the main announcement. It's good to see how you've moved on.

(Psst, I'm back! Let's go and do something silly together with everyone. :D )

snowdrop said...

sorry it had to happen, but glad to see that you're being strong about it. (you're right, we kinda did see it coming. he just didn't seem to care enough) *hugs*

Musang said...

well, break-ups suck. that's the truth. i hope things will get better for you.

toodles dear.

defiant85 said...

*hugs~~~

Buaya said...

You sound like a strong person... Yes, sometimes it is better to end the whole story... And open another (better) book... Take care...

savante said...

He's young. It's very far. It's not that easy maintaining a relationship over the distance and over such a long period of time.

Hugs, mdear.

Will said...

You seem like such a sweet, loving guy. You will have many great adventures in life without being held back by someone who might not appreciate all you have to offer.

Derek said...

cliff: Thanks.


wil: Thanks so much. I agree that the only way to look is forward. But at the same time not forgetting the past and memories.


ban: Hey, you're back. But I'll only be back during New Year's. Plenty of time for you to arrange something? ;P


snowdrop: Thanks, snowie. Perhaps I did see it coming, but pushed it away.


musang: Thanks, fox dear. Things are better.


defiant: *hugs back*


buaya: Good one there, open another and better book. Thanks.


savante: Thanks, Paul dearie.


will: Hey Will, good to hear from you again.

Thanks. I realised that I was happy, but I could be so much happier.

Anonymous said...

hugs...

LDRs do work... but I guess coupling with a young one sometimes its hard to tell..

Take care derek... lots O' HUGSSSSS

- Vincent

akihisa said...

Sorry to hear about what happened, Derek!!

To see you, able to make that truly difficult decision with a clear mind despite with a heavy heart is highly admirable.

*hugs*

Holden said...

Hey Derek, am so very sorry to read about this. Hopefully you're strong enough to bounce back from this. Take care ok? :)

Derek said...

vincent: There are many reasons and yeah, as you said, it's hard to tell.

Thanks. ;P


akihisa: Hey you're back! LOL

Thanks, dearie.


holden: Thanks. I'll definitely bounce back - better and stronger ;P

Anonymous said...

Hope you are ok dude...love works in mysterious ways....in future...he will always remember you...thats how first love works I guess?

Hope you are getting on fine yeah? Call me should you need to talk =)

Hugs*

Babymicrophone@Livejournal