Thank you for the words of encouragement and support. It’s amazing how barely less than 24 hours of my posting that you guys have responded with your comments.
In fact, this eventuality was not unexpected. With his less than enthusiastic response to my calls and him never calling me save once, the end was in sight.
I suppose it was never meant to be and I was too in love with him to see that. Funny how one looks at things differently went one is in love. Nothing seems impossible.
The signs were all there.
Thus, when I called him a few days before my Phuket trip next month, we cleared things up. He made his feelings, or lack of, be known after some prompting from me.
He said, “Did you find someone new?”
“No, that’s not it. It’s better to clarify things than to leave them unclear.”
“Are we still a couple then?” I asked.
“Yeah. We’ll see how when I come back next year. We’ll talk about it then.”
It didn’t really make much sense, because we didn’t do anything that resembles a couple anymore.
I have no idea why, but I acquiesced.
Initially, I was hopeful that things would improve. But after some serious thought and a clearer perspective on things, I realised things would be better this way.
It wasn’t that difficult letting go, even though I loved him a lot. I still do.
No, I am not pining for him or clutching at straws.
When feelings are not reciprocated or when one’s efforts are not appreciated sufficiently, it does make things easier.
I am human after all. I do need love and care in return. It gets tiresome and frustrating if it only goes one way.
Not that I am blaming him, of course. This sort of things happen. I was his first crush, which turned into a relationship. And as we know, crushes very seldom last unless both parties work at it.
Anyway, when we started, we said that we were supposed to see how things go. To gauge our compatibility and our feelings for each other.
Somehow, somewhere, it turned into something serious.
We had frequently joked about how incompatible we are. About how things could be different if he had graduated from university. About how different we are, like the sky and the earth.
Perhaps we are too different.
It was great while it lasted. I hoped I had made him happy and felt loved, even though there were moments of anger and hurt.
Do not cry that it is over, but smile that it happened. ;P
Cliché, but very true in my situation.