Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Weekend conversations

Last Saturday afternoon.

Mom: I want to talk to you about something.
Me : What is it this time?
Mom: You shouldn’t get too attached to someone. Doesn’t matter it’s a boy or girl. When you’re not together anymore, the other person will think back of all the things he has done for you. How are you going to repay him?
Me : Huh? What are you saying?
Mom: You always telling CF all the things you do, calling him on the phone, saying I miss you and all. You don’t know what he’s thinking. Later, he might think back of all the things he has done for you and then you can’t even be friends.

I know she’s getting at something here. It’s either:
a) I shouldn’t be going out with CF
b) I shouldn’t be misleading him into thinking that I like him

I didn’t probe further or ask her to go straight to the point because I know that would only upset her. I let her do all the talking and I left the room immediately after she finished.


Sunday afternoon.

Mom: You always go out with CF, who’s much younger. Always hang around with immature people, you also become immature. What do you two talk about?
Me: Of course there is. We talked ….
Mom: Some more he’s still studying and you’re working … what topics do you talk about with him …?
Me: (rolling my eyes) We do …
Mom: What do you two have in common?
Me: So where are we going for dinner later?

I had to change the subject because she was in a ranting mood, and I was not in the mood to give reassuring or convincing answers.

In addition, I have a niggling feeling that she is supportive of me working abroad so that I would be away from CF. Though it is just a suspicion ….

Anyway, the interview went quite well. But I have yet to hear from the company. So we'll just have to keep our fingers crossed ...

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Table for two

We were at Italiannese yesterday. KW is going back to Australia this weekend, so it was more like a farewell dinner for him. All three of us have never eaten there before, so we decided to give it a go, though CF is not really a fan of Italian food.

To show how much he likes Italian, he seriously wanted to order a steak or lamb chop. In an Italian restaurant!

Food was quite good. I didn’t bring my camera, so can’t show you the pictures here. There was a girl with us too – GL.

We had a great time making lots of jokes and sexual innuendos, especially since we ordered spaghetti with meat balls. The meat balls were huge; they were almost as big as golf balls.

“How do the balls taste like?”

“Hmm, a little too salty.”

Anyway, tomorrow is my job interview and I will be taking the day off. Haven’t been to an interview for almost two years, so I would need to do some reading and preparation.

Though CF wishes that I don’t get the job, but I believe he knows that it’s something I want and it will be good for me. Why, it will be good for the both of us actually. Not just pay-wise, but also my marketability in the international job market.

Which reminds me. There will be three trainees joining my organization for their vacation training – two guys and a girl. Naturally, I was chosen (again!) to be the girl’s mentor - teaching her stuff, bringing her out for lunch, answering her queries, etc.

In other words, a matchmaking attempt by my colleagues.


Seems like they forgot what happened last year. Or maybe they are really determined to see me get a girlfriend, if it's the last thing they do.

There was a girl trainee last year too and I was assigned the same responsibilities. Of course, I was not too keen and couldn’t even be bothered. I only took her out for lunch twice in the eight weeks that she was in the office.

Needless to say, it would have been more frequent if it was a cute guy.

And I am sure CF will not approve of me doing it this this, assuming the two guys are cute. ;P

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

His friends and mine

Nothing much has happened since V-Day.

On Saturday, we had dinner with some of CF’s high school friends at Victoria Station. I was introduced as the boyfriend, while I was at the gents. So I didn’t know what heir reactions were, but I don’t think there were gasps. No one even bat an eyelid.

I suppose it’s such a common thing now to the younger sections of society (By the way, CF is four years younger than I am).

Anyway, it was my turn yesterday. We had a farewell dinner for a friend who is going to Hong Kong to work. There were twelve of us; mostly they are my juniors from high school, with two of them my peers.

None of them knows, except for one.

Of course they were asking who was sitting next to me. A stranger amongst them. The one leaving for HK brought his girlfriend, but we have all seen her before.

CF said he wanted to pass off as older than he actually is. The story was that he was my friend, who is in his final year in a foreign university.

We didn’t discuss on how we met. Not surprisingly, we thus gave different answers to two different persons when we were asked that question.

I suppose by CF’s and my behaviour, it was obvious that we weren’t just friends. I had a feeling they were watching us and wondering how could two friends be so close.

Fortunately, he wasn’t bored or ignored, though I was busy catching up with the rest as I haven’t met them in a long time. A few of them did the make effort to chat with him. The one who knows about us, got along best with CF at the table. They two of them were whispering and laughing while I was busy talking with the others.

It was the first time for CF in Chilli’s, and he didn’t like what he ordered. He had always wanted to try the food and he came away disappointed. I think I will bring him there again and order something else.

Amongst all these, there is a looming possibility of a certain event which, if and when it happens, will test what we have. It has been a sore subject whenever it is brought up, but he has tried to give his support, albeit reluctantly.

What I can say is that, even though there would be distance between us, it doesn’t mean we would drift apart, for whatever reason. Yes, there is always the chance of that happening, so we just have to work harder at it, at making it work.

Thanks for being there, CF. You have been the best thing that has happened to me so far. And thus far, the ride has been great. The journey is still far, with the occasionally bumps here and there, but it will continue to be fantastic.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Post-Valentine post

I know, I know, it's been two days already. Still, I would like to share how we spent that day.

So much for not celebrating Valentine’s Day.

Well, technically we didn’t, because my definition of V-Day celebration is to really splurge on expensive gifts and a lovely candlelight dinner followed by you-know-what.

The plan was to have dinner and then go for a movie at Midvalley. As soon as I stepped foot inside the largest shopping mall in Malaysia, I could feel the lovey-dovey-ness of couples everywhere. The girls would be carrying a stalk (cheapskate!) or two or a bouquet of roses (my boyfriend loves me so much!).

Many of them were also in matching colour shirts (pink was very popular) or worse, in identical T-shirts!

I wanted to go to Manhattan Fish Market for dinner, but they didn’t serve any ala-carte dishes. Obviously cashing in on love, its image in my eyes has somewhat dropped.

The waitress said, “No sir, no ala-carte on Valentine’s Day. What we have is only Valentine’s dinner set, costing MYR49.90++ per person.”

To that I said, no thank you. We’ll be on our way.

We had Japanese food instead, which came up to less than RM50. For the both of us.

For movies, we watched Prime. It was quite good and hilarious, about a 37 year old divorcee who likes a 23 year old artist. CF enjoyed the movie a lot, judging from his laughter.

Meryl Streep is excellent, as always. Uma Thurman is pretty and the male lead, Bryan Greenberg is absolutely yummy. Especially how he looked in the movie, when he got out bed ….

Greenberg was voted one of the top 10 sexiest men on Gaywired, which I agree.

After the movie, we walked around a bit, window shopping. It was about nine o’clock, and the mall was teeming with couples. Definitely more people than a normal weekday.

Only now it struck me what would the other young and old, teen and adult patrons think. CF and I were amongst the very few male-male pairs (there were others, but of course we were overwhelmed by the straight ones) on Valentines Day.

We were being touchy-feely and arms-over-shoulders a lot, but I think most of them were too busy looking into each other’s eyes to even notice the people around them.

Including us actually. ;P

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

V-Day conversations

Yesterday, 3.30 p.m. On the phone in the office.

Ring, ring!
Me : Hi Mom, how's things at home?
Mom: Things are OK. Feeling a little sleepy now.
Me : Is it raining heavily over there? It's raining cats and dogs here ...
Mom: Yes, same here. Pause. Later after work, who are you going out for movies with?
(I told my mom earlier in the day that I am going for movies.)
Me : I am going with CF.
Mom: Pause.
(She knows CF, as he had come to visit when I was recuperating at home after the surgery.)
Mom: How come not with a girl?
Me : (rolling my eyes) Coz there's no girl I know who is still single. They are all either married or taken.
Mom: There's not even one?
Me : Really, there's none.

I suppose she still harbours hope for a daughter-in-law.

The good thing was that she didn't seem too unhappy. At least, not that I can tell. Usually she would sound visibly hurt and all upset.

So, is she finally coming around or not? It has been eight months since I came out.

I really don't know ...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


Today is that day of the year again, when the colour red and pink dangling from all corners in shopping malls; where love birds can be seen everywhere, coupling to celebrate the Day of Love.

I have never celebrated Valentine’s Day. For one, there was no one to celebrate with. And even when I did have, he wasn’t around.

Even though I am attached now, I don’t plan to do anything special this year. Why spoil a 24 year old record of no celebration, right?

I really don’t see the point of doing something when almost everyone else is doing it. It’s not like me to jump on the bandwagon except if there is a yummylicious hunk in it.

Which reminds me of what happened last year during my birthday.

A small group of us were at Chilli’s in Midvalley to celebrate. It was quite packed for a weekday (it was a Thursday). On that day, I distinctly remember at least five other tables where the happy birthday song was sung.

Heck, a friend of mine from high school who shares the same birthday as me, was even sitting with his girlfriend right at the next table!

And I thought I was special and unique and fabulous.

Oh wait. I am actually. But on that day, my sense of individuality took a slight dip.

Never mind, that was last year anyways. I am not going to Chili’s again this year ...

Not to say that I don’t believe in love or the celebration of it, but in this day and age, it has become waaaay too commercialized and very pop culture. I am not going to add to opportunistic traders' and eateries' already bulging coffers. Which I definitely do not agree with.

I would rather celebrate and spend time and effort for days which are more meaningful, like CF’s birthday and our anniversary.

Still, I am a romantic at heart and I do celebrate in spirit, which is why I am wearing a pink work shirt now with a matching maroonish tie.

Happy Valentine’s Day all!

P/S Not trying to rub it in or anything, but even though romance is not in your life now, it will be. Not today, but it could be tomorrow. As they say, it may take a long for him to appear in your life so that you would appreciate it when he does. In the meantime, enjoy being single and being surrounded by family and friends.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Last two days of CNY

CNY is officially over now, as it was the fifteenth day of the celebration yesterday. This year’s has been more eventful than previous years with me visiting friends and friends coming over to my place.

Last Friday, some of my university friends dropped by after dinner. CF didn’t join us, which led some of them to ask about his whereabouts. I told them he was at a friend’s house. Deep down, I thought it was very sweet of them to ask. It was social affirmation that we are a couple.

On Saturday, I was invited to a colleague’s CNY open house. I decided to bring CF along, but he has to pass off as my younger cousin.

Which I am not sure they really believed. I was the only one who brought a guy.

Oh well.

The food was quite good. I especially liked the curry puffs, which were quite different from the usual ones. They skin was flaky, not hard, and the filling was delicious.

Half an hour later, two guys arrived which immediately attracted my attention as they just screamed gay. They might as well have the word written on their foreheads.

CF and I were snickering – the host i.e. my colleague does have gay friends after all. Though I am not sure whether he knows it. Or even whether the other guests knew.

Apparently, both of them are his high school friends. Not sure though whether they were a couple or not. CF thought one of them was kinda cute ;P

As most of the attendants were my colleagues and no one made an effort to talk to CF, save one, we decided to leave early. Just as we were about to, another group – four guys and a girl – arrived.

CF commented that they were all gay, except for the couple. He said that the clothes that they wear were soooo retro, that they have to be gay!

Which I disagreed actually.

The shirts and pants may look gay, but their behaviour did not. Not wanting to argue over this, we left it at that.

There was another invitation to another colleague’s house yesterday. I was tempted to have CF come along again, but decided otherwise.

For one, there were fewer guests and two, all of them work in the same department as I do, unlike Saturday’s host.

Five of us were invited, three girls and two guys. The girls brought a boyfriend, husband and girl friend respectively. The other guy’s girlfriend is outstation, so that obviously she couldn't come.

And then, there was me. By myself.

I think my game might be up, like Jay. Just the other day, a lady colleague, Z, commented how she was disgusted when colleague S talks about his dating prowess and the girls he date. On the other hand, if colleague P brings this topic up, she is quite OK about it.

Probably coz P does not look as lecherous as S.

Anyway, I have to open my mouth and I asked, “How would you feel if I talked about it?

Don’t know la. Should be able to accept, I think. You try and see.

Another male colleague said, “But you never talk about it! Every time we talk about it, you keep quiet.


Just two days earlier, when Z told everyone that she planned to have both her fiancĂ© and herself to be dressed in pink on their wedding there, I asked “Are you sure? Some people just don’t look nice in pink.

Ok-lar, he’s quite fair and I think he will look quite nice in pink.

If he does not, try fuschia.

That certainly can’t have helped with improving my heterosexual image.

Actually, I am beyond the point of caring. Let the unspoken remain unspoken, the unconfirmed remain unconfirmed.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Something funny

On the Friday before CNY, I was attending a presentation since morning and it was the second last presenter's turn.

I am sure you have seen presenters who use a red laser pointer to point on-screen something relevant or important. Back in school, teachers would (still?) use a ruler or a long cane to point on the blackboard.

The presenter came into a meeting room holding something about a foot long, shiny and metallic looking. It was an antenna, those which you can find on cars or on TV. You know, those antennas which can be extended by pulling out a thinner one from the hollow space inside.

I was wondering whether she would actually use that.

Well, she did.

I am not trying to be mean here but ten seconds into her presentation, I started laughing.

Or at least, wanted to laugh out loud.

The more I tried to control it, the more it wanted to get out. You know that kind of feeling, right?

Eventually, I made a semi-laugh which (I hoped) sounded like a cough and sniffle.

What made it worse was my colleague sitting next to me. She wanted to laugh as well, but I could see out of the corner of my eye that she was trying to stifle it. I couldn’t look at her directly because I knew that if I did, I would really burst out laughing.

After sitting there for about two minutes, still trying to not think how hilarious she looked so as to not laugh, I couldn’t stand it anymore and excused myself to the gents.

Once inside the bathroom, I let it all out. I laughed for about 15 seconds. It was a private one, so there was no one else around.

Of course I wouldn’t be caught dead laughing like a mad man in the bathroom by my clients.

There was still the occasional snigger while I washed my hands and dried them.

After making sure that there was no more laughter in me, I got back into the meeting room. Luckily, she was close to the end of her presentation.

My colleague and I didn’t discuss what happened till today. When I told CF, he didn't find it that amusing.

Looking back, it wasn’t so funny after all.

Though I do wonder what would happened if I didn’t manage to control myself? It would be like a scene out of a comedy, where someone would suddenly laugh loudly at something funny only to himself and not others, right at the precise moment when the agenda was most serious, and he would then be very embarrassed ….

Monday, February 06, 2006

NYPD Blues

New Year's Police Dishonesty Blues

On the seventh day of CNY, which was on Saturday, CF and I went out for dinner with his three closest friends – KW, FL and GB. We were at The Curve and then yam cha at SS2 Murni.

Since CF is like a brother to the two girls - FL and GB - it was only natural that I would have to meet them and gain their approvals.

On the way back, we were unfortunate enough to encounter a police road block. It took about three minutes before it was our turn and inexplicably, we were told to pull over.

Turned out that the road tax has expired barely two days ago.

As the car was registered under CF’s dad’s name, CF gave him a call. The father even spoke to the policeman.

When the phone was passed back to CF, the policeman asked, “Tanya you punya bapa berapa dia mahu belanja?” (Ask your dad how much he wants to spare me.)

CF didn’t have the required denomination, but I did have a piece of a aqua grey note. The policeman, for whatever reason – to make it sound reasonable or just to scare us – was going on and on about how CF is still on a probationary license and that a summon will definitely not look good on his record.

Now, the policeman was dressed in dark blue uniform. Correct me if I am wrong, but as far as I know, only traffic policemen, in white uniform, has the authority to issue summons.

I was seriously contemplating letting him issue the summons, and see whether he actually would or not.

What the heck, we decided to pay him anyway. We were not willing to have more trouble, seeing how the police seemed to be a tad overzealous nowadays, for whatever reasons.

Now, what really pissed me off was the way he took the money. Or put in another way, the way he wanted the money handed to him.

I wanted to be discreet, but he disagreed. He said, “Bagi sajalah, tak payah takut-takut. Sini tak ada orang nampak, hanya Tuhan yang nampak.” (Just pass it to me. Don’t be afraid of anyone watching us, but God sees all.)


It’s bad enough that corruption of the men in blue is public knowledge (I truly am ashamed to have abetted in this dirty behaviour), but quite obviously this particular law enforcer was quite unapologetic about it. He didn’t even mind that God was watching and even mentioned it nonchalantly.

For a religion that pays so much importance on the afterlife and ultimately to go to heaven, his actions really shocked me.

Anyway, CF was quite down already from an earlier incident (and it wasn’t me this time!), so being caught for a traffic offence was another whammy.

No worries though, he is feeling quite OK now. Though for the time being, he won’t be able to drive to college or anywhere else.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Chinese New Year Update II

On the fourth day of CNY, the plan was to meet CF and friends of his, a couple and the girlfriend's sister. CF and I had a lot of time to talk over about the things that bothered him and I managed to put his mind at ease.

Thanks for the concern and advice given. ;-)

We spent the whole afternoon in KL Plaza shopping for bags and clothes. Didn't find any that we like, so we had dinner and went back to CF's house.

All four of us spent the night in CF's house, after playing countless rounds of mahjong and watching a DVD. The three of them (couple and the sister) shared a room, of course.

So everything seemed to be back to normal.

Unfortunately, something similar happened the day before yesterday. My best friend is having some difficulties in his relationship (parents disapprove of the relationship) and he has been going around to a few temples to ask for divine opinion. He even went all the way to Melaka on Thursday to seek heavenly answers from the temples there.

Anyway, he asked me out for breakfast - bak kut teh in Klang. After that, he wanted to see a palm reader in Menara NPL (formerely Menara HLA). He didn't know which floor the shop is, or even whether it would be open or not (Thursday was still a public holiday).

We spent fifteen minutes looking for the shop and alas, it was closed.

Another brilliant either strike him though. He decided to go to an Indian palmist instead. This time, the temple is located in Bukit Gasing.

I tagged along. Since I am not a believer in all these kind of things, I was curious.

My friend went first. When it was my turn, this was what the palmist had to say:
Wealth and Property: Good. Be careful when buying or taking ownership of property from friends - as in have to go through the proper procedures and not be lax even though the seller is a friend.

Health: Before the age of 30, there is a metal-related incident, either car accident or surgery. Also, there might be intestinal, kidney or bladder problems.

But the part that really got me to sit up and go "Oh boy" was this - romance.

He said that I should be faithful to one person. He forsaw that there would be many who would be attracted to me, but that I should choose one person.

Immediately, I realised that CF would not be too happy to hear this. Nevertheless, I still told him about it. CF rightfully said that he would be more upset if I didn't.

Still, it got to him. Somewhat. Not as bad as the previous one though.

Of course, being alerted to such possibilities, true or otherwise, is good. If I am aware of these, at least I could be prepared.

But for now, CF is the one that I am going out with and is the love of my life.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Chinese New Year update

This is the fourth day of Chinese New Year and so far, it has been quite dull actually.

For people like us who don't have a hometown to go back to; who have no relatives to visit except for my maternal grandmother and my aunt, things have been quite eventful.

Let's recap:
First day: Went to the temple in the morning and then stayed at home for the rest of the day. Which was OK actually; first day of CNY one is supposed to go visiting anyway. Watched some TV and read some magazines.

In the afternoon, we went to Genting for a couple of hours. We don't usually do this; it's usually my parents who go up. But this time, my brother and I had to follow. Something about going to higher ground, so that we can achieve higher goals or reach for better things. Heh, CNY is a lot about symbolic actions and behaviours.

Second day: Went back to my grandma's house, which is still pretty near and doesn't require hours-long travelling time. She stays in Sg Buloh. We had lunch there and left immediately. My dad isn't the type to linger around long. In fact, as my grandma and my aunt (they live next to each other) are like the only close relatives I have, I wonder why we never go back for reunion dinner.

In fact, reunion dinner for us is just us, my immediate family. My dad is a sickler for tradition - no matter that it's only the four of us for reunion dinner, unless there are some paternal relatives we can have dinner with. Like, my maternal grandma and aunt aren't relatives?

In the evening, I wanted to do some shopping. But I didn't expect most shops in Midvalley to close at eight (it is still a public holiday), because in previous years, they didn't. So we just walked around in the shopping mall, browse some books, bought some magazines and met up with a friend of mine for a while.

Third day: The most eventful one. I invited some of my high school friends over to my house. Though we had lunch outside first. Played some cards and did some catching up with each other's lives. Of course, CF was around as well.

After that, two of them left and CF, LH and I went out for dinner. It was raining for a bit while we having dinner (the weather is usually quite hot during CNY). Dinner was followed by spending time at CF's house and we watched Brokeback Mountain. CF and I were joined by KW.

Later, we left for mamak and we talked about everything under the sun, from high school hay acquaintances to movies and people whom we would like to meet. Inadvertently, one of the topics triggered something in CF, which made him unhappy.

As usual, he said it was nothing and that he was fine. I noticed his change in mood as he was very quiet after that topic was brought up. I didn't give it much thought then and said that we would talk more about it tomorrow.

Which is why, I am off to see him now.