I know what I should be doing, yet I am not doing it. I should be studying but I am doing everything else besides studying.
Balance is key; moderation is the solution.
Somehow, there seem to be lots of things to be done. More fun stuff. Movies, clubbing, karaoke, shopping, swimming ....
Why do people get attracted to those that seem impossible to be with or that they have very little in common?
Perhaps it's what people call physical attraction. That wink, that cheeky smile, that infectious laugh, that nonchalant attitude, etc.
The things that matter fade into the background.
Perhaps I don't know what I want yet. I thought I do.
I have always thought of myself as confident and secure. But when I am with the person that I am fond of, it's hard to be like that.
Especially if the other person is more confident and more self-assured. More spontaneous, funnier. All the mores that I am not.
On the other hand, when I am with someone a little unsure, I tend to feel taller. Bigger. Not in the sense of showing off or swelling with pride, but more like brotherly kind of attention would be showered on him.
Like I have been there and done that. And now it is your turn and this is how it is going to be like.
I can simply be myself.
When I am in the presence of someone smarter, more experienced and more self-assured, I seem to be not able to hold my own.
As someone I know would describe it, in gay and somewhat stereotypical terms, I become somewhat "bottommy" when I am with so-called "toppish" personality type people and vice versa.
If that even makes sense to you.
Another thing is I am not one trained in the art of subtlety. People would know if I am happy or unhappy by just looking at me.
Or if I like someone.
I am just like an open book.
I realise it's something I have to work on.
Because sometimes, subtlety is called for. That restraint is essential. That people change and feelings are unpredictable.
That in the end, I am me and everything comes back to me.
Work in progress.