Thursday, January 26, 2006

All over the guy

This is actually part of yesterday's post, but I think it was drowned by the more prominent and interesting events at the coffee night.

As I left my condominium last Saturday, the guards asked “Pergi dating ah?” (Going for a date?)

I said, “Ya, pergi dating.” (Yes, I am going for a date.)

A few steps later, he asked, “Dengan awek?” (With girlfriend?)

I smiled politely and left.

Duh! CF has been seen so often with me that, unless the guards are Neanderthals and blind, it’s impossible that they don’t know.

His blue Proton car comes around the corner almost everyday, stops and I come out of it after ten minutes. This has happened since we started going out. I have even brought him home twice.

Oh well.

Initially, I do get a little uncomfortable when I am in CF's car, as we drive past the guard house. CF parks the car a little further away from them and I spent a long time couple of more minutes before getting out.

Of course, I have to be wary of peeping eyes. There are times when I couldn't give him a goodbye or goodnight kiss; either because it was bright daylight or there were passersby.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve someone like him. I look into his brown eyes and I could almost feel the love emanating from them. I admit that he is more into me than I am to him, which on one hand I am really grateful for, and on the other, I think he deserves better.

We have our differences in opinion, but we haven't had our first major argument yet. I don't look at disagreements as something bad; they are part and parcel of a relationship. In fact, if there is none, I would be really worried.

Here's to many more wonderful and incredible moments!

[All over the Guy is a gay-themed movie.]

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

When is your turn?

On Saturday, it was LPG’s monthly coffee night. It was organized potluck style at Eric's apartment.

Anyway, I have asked CF and Legolas to come along for the coffee nitght. We bought fried rice and fried hokkien mee from Midvalley, as we were there for CF’s haircut.

There was quite a large turn out; more than 30 people in Eric’s apartment. The choice of food was excellent as well. There were pastries, roast duck, chicken, water melon and red bean for dessert, cheese cake, etc.

There were quite a number of familiar faces. A few of my hikemates were there. Someone brought his three year old kid along.

CF being a child-lover (not the Michael Jackson kind, mind you) was playing with him. A lot. Too much actually.

Until the extent that when CF tried to pull himself away, he was dragged by that kid to play some more.

And when I pulled CF towards me, away from the clutches of Chuckie the boy hit me. He actually hit me!

What an attention-whore he is. Hmmph. I suppose I should forgive him as I have CF's attention most of the time.

After everyone has eaten, we got around to discussing how to reply when asked that perennially annoying question to all gay men – when are you getting married? It is Chinese New Year this Sunday and that is when we meet the relatives, whether we like it or not. During CNY, relatives whom you don't meet for the rest of the year suddenly become very concerned about your social life.

The aunties will say this every year “Here’s your ang pau. This is the laaaast time I am giving you.” Obviously, they have to stress that word.

[Only singles and children get ang pau (red packets with money), as a sign of blessing from elders and married couples.]

Someone cheekily said “Why aunty? You won’t be around anymore?”

Of course, one should never ever say that.

Here are some other useful and witty responses, thanks to Rice Paper.

1. I have tried very hard to date a girl I like, but she turned out to be a lesbian. In fact, all the girls I am attracted to all turned out to prefer women.

2. I am still looking for a local girl who is a virgin. Tough luck, cannot find one.

3. Aunty, I am still looking for a girl that is as good as you. Too bad still cannot find one.

4. No money to get married. Can you be my financial sponsor? Perhaps RM500,000 is necessary for a married couple.

5. If I am single, I get money hong-biao (red packets) from relatives. If I am married, I have to give people hong biao. Tell me which makes more economical sense: to be single or to be married. It’s better to receive than to give.

6. Who needs a wife ? I’ve got cable TV.

7. I think of marriage as an institution. I'm not sure I'm ready to be institutionalized.

8. Sorry, I dont take “dead clams”. (I don't get this either.)

9. Singapore government has a plot to get everyone there married and produce babies. We Malaysians don't have to follow what Singaporean authorities say.

10. If our 53 year old uncle gets married, and if our divorced aunt remarries, then I will find a girl to get married.

11. No girl will want a guy that is short and fat like me.

12. Finding a partner is like looking for a parking space. All the lots are either taken or are for the handicapped.

13. (if you are lesbian): I havent met Mr. Right, but I have met Mr. Cheap, Mr. Rude and Mr. Married.

14. (if you are lesbian): All the good men are either taken or gay.

15. A lot of my friends are gay, so I don't meet many women.

16. Well, after all these years I have not met a girl that appeals to me. Do you think I could be gay?

17. I don't want a girl to be my wife, I want her to be my sister.

18. I like women and men, and dont know which to choose. If I choose a woman, my boyfriend will get angry. If I choose a man, my girlfriend will get jealous. So better be single.

19. I keep forgetting to get married. Remind me next year.

20. If you ask me “when is my turn next” (to get married), I will ask you in someone’s funeral when your turn will be next.

For more ideas, check this out.

Fortunately, I don't get asked by relatives a lot, as to them, I am still (relatively) young.

After the gathering, I felt a bit bad as Legolas wasn’t mixing around much. I did make the effort to introduce him to the other people though. After the gathering, he said that he prefers smaller groups. Is it because there is more intimacy then? ;P

Oh well. I will try to arrange for smaller groups the next time.

To my readers who celebrate Chinese New Year, Kong Hei Fatt Choy and Man Shi Yu Yi!

Have a wonderful and prosperous Year of the Fire Dog!

Monday, January 23, 2006

The one where he came along for dinner

CF did come along for the dinner with my university friends.

As some of my readers rightly predicted, those who knew about my sexuality, knew who CF is and those who didn’t, didn’t. By the look on their faces, I think the remaining three that didn’t know would have at least suspected.

I was half expecting them to ask who CF is and how did we meet. But all they asked was his age. And they teased about how CF and KY (one of my friends at the dinner) look very much alike.

Coincidentally, both of them were wearing matching light blue T-shirts as well. Similarities include both being very fair and look young. KY does look young for his age and CF is, well, just young.

There we were, at a restaurant in Sri Petaling. I have been to this eatery before and dishes are served really quick, even when the whole place is crowded. We had their specialty fried bean curd, sweet and sour fish, pork ribs in pineapple, a plate of vegetables, venison with ginger and fried lala (a type of shellfish).

When the dishes were served, I used my chopsticks to take the pork ribs and bean curd for CF. I am not sure whether anyone noticed that gesture. Of course, CF was insisting that I don’t, but I did anyway. I also requested CF to take the greens for me.

Either my friends are really cool about it or it was a non-issue for them. They probably already knew the moment I introduced CF to them. Anyhow, to make sure that they really got the right idea, hence the little tender loving gestures of taking food for him.

After that, we went to Taste Walking again for dessert. We suggested the same dessert which we had on Tuesday to them. We spent about an hour just chatting about really inane stuff and telling jokes.

All in all, I had a great time. CF did as well. Though he did comment that my friends are weird. The reason being that the guys (there were five of them) didn’t order the molten chocolate dessert one each; four of them were sharing two pieces amongst them. CF said that was a bit unusual.

I assured CF that they are straight. Just that they are all quite close to each other (three of them are renting and staying in the same house), that’s all. Sharing food is a pretty normal thing for us.

In hindsight, I was worried for nothing. But the thing is, these people are close to me and naturally, we are most worried about their reactions. Rejection from them hurts more than from strangers or acquaintances.

So yay! That didn’t turn out so bad after all.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Violence and sex

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~Ernest Gaines

Or as Eric Goh said cheekily, "Brokeback Mountain will not be shown, but Munich will, a film about the war between Jews and Muslim. Malaysian society like to watch two men hate each other and shoot guns to kill each other and dislike watching two men falling in love shooting 'water guns'".

Today’s Star said that the:
FT Religious Department wants to go ahead with its snoop squad

KUALA LUMPUR: The Federal Territory Religious Department (Jawi) wants to go ahead with its snoop squad, against the Cabinet's decision.

Jawi public relations officer Idris Hussein said it was not given the opportunity to explain to the Government the purpose of the unit's formation.

The department would wait for Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Dr Abdullah Zin to return from Mecca to brief him on the matter, he said when contacted yesterday.

“The volunteers are tasked to provide us with information on those who commit indecent acts,” he added.

“They are to educate the people and get closer to them so they can explain to the public why they should not be involved in unhealthy activities.”

This is indeed a sad state of affairs. I wonder whether is this kind of thinking representative of the general population or just the religious and political authorities?

If this is how society perceives love and affection, we are in deep trouble. We are more concerned about superficial things; form over substance.

Two people holding hands leads to the bedroom? Do all signs of love and public display of affection eventually lead to sex?

If the moral police think they do, it speaks more about their own morality and thinking, rather than the people who displayed public affection.

Humans are complex beings. No one knows for sure how another thinks. As a Chinese saying goes, one can know what lies in the deepest ocean, but one can never delve to the bottom of another’s heart.

Instead of focusing on the effective solutions, like sex education and providing avenues for young people to spend leisure time like community centers, stadiums, etc, the moral police took the easy way out – monitor their behaviour.

It’s obviously a case of stopping the effect or symptom, without addressing the cause or root of the problem.

In fact, I don’t even what does the religious authorities are trying to achieve. Holding hands are a sign of what? Bad grades? Loose morals?

Real issues that need attention, like violent crime and rape (as in the case early this week of a jogger in Penang who was raped and murdered) are ignored. Things that affect the public’s safety for real are neglected.

Wouldn’t it have been better if there are crime squads instead? To be fair, the police do catch the offenders. But they seem to act only after a crime has been committed and not before. What kind of crime preventive measures are actually being carried out? Isn’t prevention better than cure?

Needless to say, it’s a pointless and inane endeavour. People can easily hold hands in the car or in shopping malls in Kuala Lumpur. (Note that the snoop squad operates only in Putrajaya, the administrative capital.)

In short, violence doesn’t make us blink twice, but sex-related issues do. I have yet to come across anyone in Malaysia who raised concerns about violent video games and its affect on the PS2 generation. Rather, I see TMNet plastering posters at toll plazas, which say to hold down Alt F4 to exit porn pages.

That might not be a fair comparison, but the reality is that sex gets the authorities’ knickers all tied up.

Violence? Hardly. Well, maybe just a little, when there's rape and murder. But it's only a flash in the pan; sex gets attention all year round.

Actually, I feel that this whole thing goes down deeper. It’s about Malaysia’s obsession with form over substance.

Just take a long at our own Book of Records. Who gives a damn about the largest ketupat, roti canai or yee sang (raw fish)? Or the longest line of twenty-cent coins and satay?

Parents want children to score As, without paying attention to whether the child is actually learning.

Kuala Lumpur gets a temporary makeover whenever there is an international conference or summit. Posters and lights get put up, but never maintained or taken down after.

There’s a sticker on the back of heavy vehicles, showing a number to call and another to SMS if other drivers catch them speeding or driving dangerously. You guessed it; no one ever picks up the phone.

Let's not even mention about the "Drape the 57 OIC countries' flags on the pyramids" plan, another form over substance and shiok sendiri (self-gratification) exercise.

I can go on and on.

And here we were, host of the Perdana Global Peace Forum last December in Kuala Lumpur. How can we claim to peace-loving, when we’re so uptight about loving and signs of loving?

We really should get our priorities right. And stop being so superficial. And start getting down to the roots of problems. And ...

P/S On an unrelated note. To anonymous who posted a comment on a long ago post (July 2005), about the 2nd letter, could you please send me an email? I would like to reply on your comment. Thanks.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Third movie and dinner

Some Golden Globes awards results:
Felicity Huffman won the Golden Globes for Best Actress in a Drama for her role in Transamerica. Brokeback Mountain won four awards, namely Best Director, Best Movie, Best Screenplay and Best Original Song.

For TV series, Lost and Desperate Housewives won for best drama and comedy series respectively.

But still, the DVD for Brokeback is not out yet. Hmmph ...

Anyway, I was at the movies yesterday and watched King Kong with CF. Watching movies is something we both enjoy and we have been going quite often.

My straight friends commented that the movie was boring, a chick flick; especially the scene where Kong danced with Ann Darrow on ice.

I actually found it quite good, especially those quiet scenes where so much was said by just looking at each other. The only annoying thing about it was the length. There were quite a few things which the movie could have done without, like the scenes showing the dinosaurs chasing and the insects attacking the crew.

After that, we went to this restaurant with a weird name, but CF insisted that the food is good and affordable. The eatery is called Taste Walking, in Sri Petaling. They served Western and fusion dishes.

CF had dory fish and I had lamb shoulder. The food was indeed delicious and CF likes the dessert there the most. I can’t remember what it was called; but it was cream puff with hot chocolate filling, served on top of some ice cream.

He has such a sweet tooth; he likes cakes and desserts. I am fine with that, but he then complains about his weight! Heh.

He’s sweet enough already, without adding more sugar and honey and cream.

As I was spending time with him, I realised how lucky I am to have someone like him as my boyfriend – innocent, caring, kind, gentle and crazy to bits over me.

I have a good mind to bring him along for dinner with my university friends on Friday. Though it may be a little odd, I would like him to meet some of my friends whom I spent three years of my life with.

But the thing is, I am not out to all of them. Out of eight, only five of them know.

Should I bring him anyway? Two more days to decide ...

Monday, January 16, 2006


There is actually another LGBT movie released last year, but has received not as much attention as Brokeback Mountain. It's called Transamerica, starring Felicity Huffman (Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives) and Kevin Zegers.

It has won a Jury Award at the Berlin International Film Festival. For the Golden Globes, Huffman is nominated for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama.

Kevin Zegers - Don't I look good with my tousled hair?

The synopsis (taken from here):
Bree (Huffman), a pre-operative, male-to-female transsexual, holds down two jobs and saves every penny so that she can pay for one last operation that will make her a woman at last. One day, however, she receives a strange phone call. It appears that on the other side is Toby (Zegers), apparently her son, who must be the product of a somewhat clumsy sexual encounter years ago when she was a man. He stays in New York, incarcerated.

Bree flies from Los Angeles to New York in order to get the boy out of jail. At first she is reluctant to do so, but her therapist convinces her to face up to her past. The boy is handed over to her without a word of explanation and Toby believes the woman to be some Christian missionary determined to convert reprobates to Jesus; Bree sees no reason to clear up the misunderstanding.

However, she finds out that the boy just wants to escape from her and hitchhike to Los Angeles. She persuades him to accompany her back to the west coast--secretly planning to leave him at his stepfather's along the way. Toby is happy to take her up on her offer. In the process of becoming acquainted with her son, Bree discovers more about herself and her family than she ever anticipated.

In this debut feature by Duncan Tucker, who wrote and directed it, "Transamerica" sets out to affirm Bree's dignity, to liberate her and others like her from any association with camp or freakishness. That the film succeeds without slipping too far into sentimentality or didacticism is in no small measure the result of Ms. Huffman's wit and grace. Her performance is a complex metamorphosis, and it is thrilling to watch. "Transamerica" itself does not always live up to its star, but it is touching and sometimes funny, despite its overall air of indie earnestness. Mr. Tucker is a subtle and conscientious writer; he takes care to treat Bree as a person rather than a case study. — A. O. Scott, The New York Times

Taken from here. Felicity Huffman on Her Character’s Sexuality:
How I approached her sexuality was where she’s coming from emotionally and that was that people don’t see who she really is. She feels, ‘Everyone doesn’t see me, doesn’t appreciate me. My family doesn’t know me for who I am and I can’t manifest who I am in the world.’ She felt self loathing. We’ve all been there. We've all woken up and said I just can't believe that I’m waking up in myself again. And she lives there. That’s where I took the sexuality.

It’s such a tough choice they’re given. Either you feel alienated from yourself or you actually do it and you’re alienated from society. You’re an oddball. So who can face that choice? It usually takes until you’re a little older to go, ‘I don’t care. I have to really be who I am.’ Consequently you get 30, 40 year-old guys who go, ‘Okay, tomorrow wear a dress and go work it [laughing]. And make sure you make the colors that work well on your skin.’

This seems to me like another great movie to watch. It is highly rated at IMDB (8 out of 10) and New York Times (4.29 out of 5). Not many movies can deal with heavy themes like trangenderism with sensitivity and understanding, showing that the qualities that make us human can be found in everyone, no matter the sex or gender.

Some of us may not be familiar with what transgender means, so here's a few paragraphs taken from Spot's Spot. Do read the full post, as he explained it in a very succinct and reader-friendly way.

1. The majority of transsexuals are NOT homosexual.

Most gay people don’t actually want to physically BE the opposite sex. Their preoccupation with physical appearance is more a matter of achieving beauty than one of expressing gender identity. They are men who love men, women who love women. (Actually, I'd replace "love" with "like to have sex with")

How it’s different for transsexuals is that their gender expression (how they feel “on the inside”) is the opposite gender from their biological sex (what’s on the outside, their anatomy). To oversimplify, it’s X being trapped in Y’s body. The misery of pre-operative transsexuals is a life led as mismatched halves, and surgery is the only way to psychologically and physically unify the whole.

What’s really interesting is that it is very common for transsexuals to themselves be homophobic. Brandon Teena, whose transgendered life as a pre-operative transsexual was the subject of the movie Boys Don’t Cry, was reported to have angrily denied that he was a dyke.

2. A transgendered person is not necessarily a transsexual

The term “transgender” is the umbrella group that includes transsexualism as one of many subgroups. The most accepted definition of transgender is -

People who were assigned a gender, usually at birth and based on their genitals, but who feel that this is a false or incomplete description of themselves.

Notice that the definition itself begs further definition.

Jessie is transgendered because she was born with male anatomy, but felt that the male gender was a false description of who she was. Specifically, Jessie is transsexual.

Martine Rothblatt is an American lawyer and author of The Apartheid of Sex. She was born Martin, married a woman but subsequently lived full-time as a woman together with her wife and their biological children, who call her Dad. Ms. Rothblatt does not desire to change sex and thinks of herself as both man and woman. SO not a transsexual.

Neither is she intersexual or what is more colourfully known as a hermaphrodite. Her biological anatomy is purely male, it’s her gender identity that is both male and female.

Quite simply, in view of the complexity of definition, she is transgendered.

3. Transvestism is NOT the same as transsexualism

Transvestism is classified (whether fairly or not) as a sexual disorder. A transvestite is a person who doesn’t actually want to be the other sex, identifies as the birth sex but gets sexual gratification from wearing the opposite sex’s clothing. This fetish usually extends to being sexual with persons of the same sex.

Cross-dressing is not the same as transvestism. Cross-dressing is more an issue of psychological identity as opposed to the purely sexual nature of transvestism. The point that clothing makes for one is to express one's gender identity; for the other, is for sexual gratification/seduction.

As expected, it will also suffer the same fate as Brokeback. You know where to get the DVD if you want to watch it.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

30 things men learn from porn

I received this in the email yesterday. I am sharing it here because:
1. it goes to show how ridiculous porn action is
2. it makes fun of straight men
3. it is too funny to not share

The source of this list is unknown.

Thirty things porn producers would have us believe...

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding fine.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there are two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients' cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are always clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
and finally...
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Which is why we watch gay porn. No.6 is definitely a no-no, no.24 is not applicable and no.28 is nonsense. ;P

Friday, January 13, 2006

Brokeback and backward Malaysia

It's not that it is a surprise anyway. It's more like a confirmation of what we have already known.

The Star, 13 January 2006
Cinemas will not show Ang Lee film

KUALA LUMPUR: Malaysians will not have the chance to watch Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain, which picked up seven nominations for the Jan 16 Golden Globe Awards on the big screen.

The film, which is distributed by Focus Features in the United States, is not on any local distributors list.

Dawn Liew, promotions and publicity manager with United International Pictures (M) – which is the distributor for another Focus Features' film, Pride & Prejudice – said: “As far as UIP (M) is concerned, we don't have plans to release it. We are not even sure if the movie is ours to distribute in Malaysia.”

Brokeback Mountain, she said, was unsuitable for local consumption.

The epic western is the first big-budget Hollywood movie to open the closet doors on a gay-themed movie. It is a story of a two-decade romance between two cowboys.

The movie even faced problems in the town of Sandy, Salt Lake City, United States where a movie theatre pulled it out at the last minute.

On a more positive note, Malaysians may just be able to watch controversial film, Munich, directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Eric Bana.

Liew confirmed that UIP had Munich scheduled for an April 13 opening in Malaysia.

“We will bring in the print in March and submit it to the Film Censorship Board. Although the chances of the film getting through is slim, we believe there is a niche market for Munich,” she said.

Munich tells the story of vengeance that Israel allegedly vented against Palestinian terrorists after the 1972 Olympics tragedy in Munich. Eleven Israeli hostages were murdered by a group known as Black September whose members were Palestinians.

It is based on George Jonas' book Vengeance: The True Story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorism Team.

"Unsuitable for local consumption?"

# the process of taking food into the body through the mouth (as by eating)
# (economics) the utilization of economic goods to satisfy needs or in manufacturing; "the consumption of energy has increased steadily"
# the act of consuming something

Whatever gives her the idea that movies are for consuming? Movies are for viewing. And hopefully, to spur thinking.

When you consume something, you take or swallow it as a whole. Hook, line and sinker. It just goes in.

Without dissecting, discussing or digesting.

No wonder the movie is not going to be shown. They expect Malaysian viewers to "consume" the movie and (horrors of horrors!) turn gay! Teenagers would turn bitchy, single men would have better fashion sense and married men would sign up for Fitness First membership in droves.

The day that such movies would be shown would be the day when a non-Bumiputra (non-native or immigrant) becomes the Prime Minister of Malaysia.

Or the day when Malaysians be less gullible and to think for themselves. To verify facts before believing in them.

Imagine, someone who claimed that he's worth USD 46 billion and not listed in Forbes's list of richest people in the world and unheard of.

If Malaysians (with the consent of the film censors and moral authorities?) are more exposed to the world, in terms of differences in opinion and culture and diversity of the human race; the good and the bad; the minority's views and perspectives; to be able to speak up without fear of being detained - basically to grow up and be allowed to do so, wouldn't that make us more intellectually discerning and more progressive as a society?

We can't continue deluding ourselves with our "morally superior Eastern values" and reject "Western culture". It's time to realise and accept that, banned movies or not, these things are already happening on our shores.

Would I be lucky enough to see these things happen in my lifetime? For things to be seen clearly for what they are and not with rose-tinted glasses?

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Derek's visit to an HIV ward

On Sunday, LPG organized a visit to the HIV ward in Sg Buloh hospital. I have always been concern about HIV-related issues and all, so naturally I was there. CF came along as well.

I didn’t know what to expect. Well, actually I did. I was under the impression that the patients would be terminally ill or in the advance stages of AIDS.

We met at nine in the morning at A&W New Town. We had a breakfast and a short briefing of what to expect. We were told not to ask “How did you get the virus?”

We reached the hospital at almost eleven. Turned out that I was waaaayy wrong. The ward is only for patients who need to take anti-HIV drugs. It’s a place for people who haven’t reached the critical stages of AIDS.

Basically, the patients there are under medication for HIV and some other sickness like TB.

For some of them, the ward may be the last place they ever see on earth, although there are those who can leave if their CD4 cells are sufficiently high. (HIV drugs are only administered when the CD4 cell count is below 200)

I talked to a few of them. One was a lorry driver. He had worked in quite a few countries before (Hong Kong and Taiwan) as a bartender. He was cheerful and didn’t seem sick at all. He has been in the ward for about two weeks due to TB infection, but has recovered.

Another guy that I spoke to, let’s call him A, has been in the Royal Navy of Malaysia. He was regaling us with his experiences at sea, of pirates and dark magic. Very interesting man indeed.

When he told us he has a CD4 count of less than 10, I was truly shocked. He seemed healthy and in a better shape than the rest. Some of them were really thin, with skins wrapped tight around the bones, with visible rib cages, and H was not like that at all.

H was a realist; he revealed that he could die anytime. Even though he looked pretty fit, he can barely walk a few steps without running out of breath. He has to hold onto walls to move around.

It goes to show that we can never tell whether one has been infected or not by looking at them.

The visit has been quite an eye-opener for me. It actually doesn’t matter how they got infected; it has already happened. Ultimately, HIV postive people are still, well, people and they should be treated just like anybody else. They face stigma from society because they are being judged, and assumed to be, morally-loosed.

And we call ourselves a caring society.

The situation in Malaysia has not reach epidemic levels yet, but the way things are being done here i.e. lackadaisical and reactive rather than proactive, things could get out of hand.

The UNAID report said that “Malaysia has now the fifth highest prevalence HIV rate in the Asia Pacific region. Moreover, the epidemic is spreading from traditionally marginalized groups into the general population.

I think this is partly due to the availability of anti-viral drugs, which may suppress the virus for a very long time and allow the infected the person to lead almost a normal life.

This might have led some to believe that getting infected is not big a deal.

However, one would need to take the drugs everyday, twice. Imagine popping 10 pills twice daily, for the rest of your lives.

Prevention is, and always has been, better than cure.

Just a little reminder here to my dear readers. Two words: safer sex.

At the risk of sounding like an HIV awareness campaigner, do check out this website called Love Life. I find that it presents the facts in an extremely interactive and cool way. The homepage itself has a condom which looks like a pair of lips and which speaks! ;P

Anyway, we left at about half past noon and went to some nurseries nearby. Heh, gay men and their affinity to flowers. We spent an hour there and I bought a pot of flower for my mom.

My mom really liked it and she even asked why I didn’t buy more.

While we were there, we took some pictures while we were there. There were pictures of flowers and the other LPG members. Candid and arranged shots.

Of all the pictures, I like one the most. This picture turned out really well; very clear and vibrant.

A picture which shows two guys beaming happily, in almost matching shirts, amidst lovely greenery.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


I was not feeling so well yesterday. When I woke up, I had a headache and my stomach felt bloated. I also felt nauseous.

Luckily, on my way to work I didn’t puke in the LRT, although the urge was there.

Needless to say, I had to take the day off.

When I called CF, he was also feeling unwell. He had a terrible headache and was at a clinic.

Of course, what I had was nothing serious. But it got him all worried just the same.

At first, we thought it was something we ate yesterday. Perhaps it was the bak kut teh for lunch in Sg Buloh. Obviously, that couldn’t be the case as he was fine.

It couldn’t be dinner either, as my family was unaffected.

Anyway, the day was spent with me feeling very tired and mostly lying on bed. As such, the movie plan for the night, Pride and Prejudice, has to be cancelled.

This morning, CF came over as my parents were out. We spent the time watching TV and blog-surfing. Wanted to watch this particular yaoi (Boku no Sekutsual Harasumento - My Sexual Harassment), but he has already watched it.

While blog-surfing, we came across another gem to add to the list of stupid Malaysians. Stupidity is as stupidity does.

Taken from Jeff Ooi's blog:
Tinjauan KOSMO! kelmarin mendapati, animasi seks yang lebih popular dengan panggilan Anime dijual secara berleluasa dengan harga RM15 sekeping. [...]

Selain memaparkan animasi alat sulit lelaki dan wanita dengan jelas, Anime turut menggayakan teknik seks berbeza seperti meliwat, rogol, seks berkumpulan dan seks oral.

(KOSMO! has found that sex animation, or more popularly known as anime, are being widely sold for RM15 a piece. [...]

Besides portraying animated male and female genitals clearly, animes also show other sexual acts such as sodomy, rape, group sex and oral sex.)

Does this mean that animes like Dragonball Z and Sailormoon are gasp! porn?

Someone has to tell the reporter and the editor of KOSMO! as well, that anime simply means animation, not sex animation. Hentai is the more accurate term.

Anyway, as I was still slightly unwell, my menu for breakfast was limited.

Hopefully, I wasn’t being a bad host, as I served him bread, fruit cake, tomato juice and bananas. I wanted to cook some soup, but it turned out that the Campbell instant pack has expired.

For lunch, it was more of the same, with the addition of instant noodles. I know, I know, that was no way to treat a boyfriend, but I’ll make it up to him.

I already did. Somewhat. After.

Or at least, I would like to think so. ;P

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Late night conversations

We went to Times Square last night, because CF wanted to do more shopping. *wink*

After that, we went to Frangi. We were supposed to meet up with KW, H and E. While looking for familiar faces, I saw Slutilla, who was with his boyfriend and we exchanged hellos.

A little past 2 a.m., we left and headed for Murni's in SS2.

We had a nice conversation going on. There was a lull in the conversation when CF said.

CF: Do you know that the first time I met Derek, I was late?
Silence. KW, H and E had shocked expressions on their faces. Wide-eyed.
Me: (I was looking at them while laughing my ass off)
CF: We went to watch a movie at Times Square ....
KW: OK, that's waaaayyy too much information.
H: Yeah, thank you very much. You don't need to tell us ...
Me: Guys, he said L-A-T-E, not L-A-I-D.

And none of us were drunk.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Dinner and card-playing

I have been meeting up with CF everyday since the eve of New Year’s eve. Except yesterday. Sigh ...

The reason was, I had agreed to go for dinner with some friends from university. They were the people I hanged out with the most, as we stayed in the same hostel. We played badminton when we bored, went out for meals, played cards to kill time and talked about almost everything.

The last time I hanged out with them was three months back. I didn’t enjoy myself much. Neither did I the time before.

All we did was just talked and have dinner. Empty chatter. And some catching up. I tuned out most of the time.

Yesterday turned out to be a bit more fun. I didn’t look forward to it much based on the previous two meet-ups.

But I was wrong.

Dinner was OK. Had fried chicken in Thai sauce, kung poh pork (cooked with dried chili), beancurd and a dish of vegetables.

After that, they decided to go back to their house and hoi toi (literally open a table, meaning to play cards or gamble).

Obviously, I had to tag along. As there were five of us (four guys and one girlfriend), the best option would be to play Cho Tai Di, which requires four players.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t a deck of cards to be found in the house.

And the other option was to play mahjong. Leaving the host to stretch his feet and watch us play.

He got bored and went to buy a pack of cards. Hence, we stopped playing mahjong after a few rounds and played cards instead.

Overall, it was quite an enjoyable evening, though I didn’t win at all. Not even once. Mahjong and cards. Hmmph ...

We left at ten and I reached home forty minutes later.

CF was nice enough to text me while I was having dinner, as I told him I expected it to be boring. He said things like Go ahead and enjoy your dinner. I just felt like messaging you. *hugs* and I actually am missing you already. Haha … I sound so obsessed. Try to have fun at least. *hugs*

Sometimes, it’s just the little things that make me smile. And I am chuffed that I can make someone so happy, by just being me.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Wallace and Gromit

I went to watch Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit with CF yesterday. At first, he was not too keen on watching it as it was a clay-animation (claymation) movie. Not those beautifully drawn animation like Aladdin or 3-D like Finding Nemo.

However, I believe he changed his mind after watching it. It was extremely hilarious!

There was a five-minute clip on the four penguins from Madagascar before the start of the movie. That started the laugh-out-loud ball rolling.

It has British humour – dry and full of puns. There were quite a number of sexual innuendoes too.

Basically, the story is about Wallace and his dog, Gromit. They run an enterprise called Anti-Pesto, where he keeps the rabbits (the pests) away from eating the vegetables in the townpeople’s yard. The annual Giant Vegetable Competition was in a few days time, but there was the threat in the form of a giant hopping bunny, ravaging the vegetables.

Thus, Wallace was commissioned by Lady Tottington to catch the Were-Rabbit, but a suitor to Lady Tottington wanted to kill first, it to win the lady’s heart.

Of course, things were not as simple as they seemed.

Anyway, what do you use to kill a werewolf? A silver bullet.

So, what do you use to kill a Were-Rabbit? A gold bullet, of course. 24 Karat. (Geddit?)

There I was, laughing throughout the movie. The animation may not appeal to everyone, but I think it did a great job of portraying the characters' emotions and facial expressions. After a while, you get used to clay animation, just like Chicken Run.

And it's not easy to make a movie out of clay. It takes an extremely long time.

I feel that Gromit is the best dog in the world. Smart, resourceful, loyal and diligent. Did all he could to save his master. Even though Wallace was the master, he was quite indescript.

Overall, I would rate this movie a 4 out of 5. Definitely better than Madagascar and Chicken Little. Pure enjoyment for the whole of 90 minutes.

After that, we went shopping. I had nothing in mind to buy, but things did not turn out that way. I ended up buying two shirts. One is orange, which looks very Chinese, like those worn by waiters in Vietnamese eateries.

Initially, I thought I looked like one too. But that was because I was wearing black slacks. If I wear something else or of a different colour to match, I don’t look like I am supposed to take dinner orders.

OK, maybe I still do, but not as much.

The other one is a bluish-grey shirt.

And what did CF buy? He bought a pair of briefs, which I picked.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Reflections of 2005

A few days into the new year and here I am looking back at 2005.

Sign of procrastination. This is so not a good start to the year. ;P

Anyway, I think that 2005 would most probably be remembered as the year of disasters. And tragedies. Man-made or otherwise.

The South Asia earthquake and Katrina. Closer to home, the haze and the year-end floods in the northern and eastern states. Human atrocities - Bali, India and London bombings. Not forgetting Iraq, which happens almost every week.

There were also the social unrests in France and Australia.

Personally, the year has been quite eventful, albeit somewhat unremarkable. I had a boyfriend in the first month of the year, which ended two months later.

It seemed so long ago that I had a boyfriend.

I was quite busy in the second and third quarter of the year with work and exams. Work was OK. Exams-wise, it was good as I had two extra passes under my belt.

Had a few bouts of depression, but got over that pretty quickly. Those kinds of things come and go.

Met quite a few interesting people with all sorts of temperaments and personalities. Most of them were decent and nice people. Which reinforces my view that people are generally good.

That doesn’t mean that they are smart though.

I think I have grown; become wiser. More confident of myself and more comfortable in my own skin. Care less about what others think and just be myself.

Came out to a couple of close friends and more importantly, to my mom; took part in my first competitive athletics event; conquered Mount Kinabalu, and then some.

Things I have learnt:

That no one is going to look out for you, except yourself.

That it’s OK to put myself and my own interest first. Sometimes.

That stupid people, are just, stupid. And they have to open their mouths to let the whole world know that.

That living at home does save me quite a lot.

That I can’t make someone like me.

That I can’t control who likes me either.

That slow and steady is often better.

That I am actually quite strong on the inside.

And a few more lessons.

It’s not like I don’t know these things. I have heard people say them or read them somewhere before.

But nothing beats experiencing them for yourself. And see how true they really are.

May the new year be better in every way, for everyone of us. Here's to 2006!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

New Year's Eve

I had a good time on New Year’s eve. Joined a bunch of crazy but absolutely fun group of people (with pretensions of royalty to boot) for a trip to Genting.

New Year’s eve in Genting was so not happening at all. Didn’t have any fireworks or countdown. We could only look enviously at the colourful lights displayed at KLCC and Bukit Bintang, which appeared as big as the palm of our hands from Genting.

Disappointed, we shouted “Genting kiam siap" (stingy), to no one in particular. Reminds me of Scrooge or the Grinch.

Most of the time in Genting was spent playing mahjong. Yeah, a good opportunity for me to get back to my Chinese roots.

I am quite familiar with card games like Cho Tai Di, but not mahjong. I think I picked quite up a bit of mahjong in that two days, one night in Genting.

Have to thank the sifus (masters). Even though they have not reached the age to vote yet, they can sure play like pros.

Even the style was there - munching kuacis (sunflower seed) while playing and cursing at the bad tiles. ;P

So to my newfound friends, thanks for a great time.

On a personal note, something interesting happened.

I accompanied CF to Midvalley to buy a birthday gift for a friend of his. There were so many cars last Friday that it took us almost an hour to find a parking spot. With so much time in the car, we got around to talking about everything and anything.

I couldn’t really remember how it started, but somehow we got to the topic of what kind of guys he like. And he briefly mentioned that he has his eyes on someone, K.

He said K would never like him back, that it would be unrequited. And he has come to accept that.

I questioned him back, “Are you sure? Did you hint to him? Is he someone I know?”

He insisted on not telling.

After I reached home, he texted me: Sorry about the person I like thingy, it’s not that I don’t wanna tell you, it’s more like I couldn’t. I don’t want to create a false hope for myself, knowing that he wouldn’t like me in return. He shall remain as a person to admire from afar.

My first thought was, how obvious was that? How could I be so oblivious?

I don’t think I am daft as to not realize when someone likes me. Apparently, I was. Somewhat.

The hints were all there. (After going to Frangi, when asked who did he think was cutest: Got quite a lot of cute people, but I still think you’re the cutest.)

How sweet was that?

I am not just giving him a chance, but more importantly, giving myself a chance too. It’s not often that I meet someone who is kind, helpful and thoughtful and who is into me.

He likes me a lot
Till he was really shaking
When I said me too

Utterly speechless
Giddy and happy was he
He smiled blissfully