Monday, May 29, 2006

Crying help for Crying Out Love

CF and I have been looking for this movie called “Crying Out Love in the Center of the World”. It’s a Japanese movie and was released last year. It has received excellent reviews and has won numerous awards.

I found the VCD here in Singapore, but I am so NOT paying $27 (RM60) for it.

Anyone knows where to find a good selection of foreign movies in KL from you-know-who? Sungai Wang? Usually they would only have the blockbusters and popular movies, not foreign fare.

If you do, please let me know. Thank you so much.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

My first movie in Singapore

Trip back to KL was great, albeit too short.

I didn't have much time; everything felt rushed. I left work on Friday, took a 6.30 p.m. bus, reached KL at midnight, spend the night with CF till Saturday 4 p.m., went home, spend time with family till Sunday afternoon and then I took the 4.30pm bus back to Singapore.


As I have promised him, we went to Crystal Jade in Sungai Wang for lunch. It has been more than a month since we went and I could tell that CF was really happy.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach ;P

Though I was quite surprised when he didn’t want to order a second helping of the steamed Shanghai buns (his favourite).

Even though I only sat for my exam last Wednesday, it feels like it has been a long time ago. Perhaps it’s the sense of finality that I am err … finally done with it. Perhaps it’s the exam momentum or euphoria or something, but I’m quite hyped to take on the next exam! Which by the way, is in January.

Yeah I know it's weird. Who would look forward to exams, right?


I just watched my first movie in Singapore yesterday – Da Vinci Code. It was not as bad as some people had made it out to be. Reviews had called it unexciting, dull, boring, too long, etc.

Perhaps it was my lowered expectation; I kind of enjoyed it. I think Ron Howard did as best a job as he could with the adaptation. All the important bits were there.

Though the colleague that I went to watch with did say that he didn’t get the whole story.

Suspense and pace were lacking a bit though.

Now, I can finally understand what the whole fuss is about that churches want to ban the movie and all. The movie does come across as blasphemous. But the point is that, it's just fiction.

We went to Lido cinema, which is huge and really nice. The only gripe I have is that we got the back seats and the screen looks quite small from there. I mean, it was the smallest I have ever experienced. Even in KL, from the last row, the screen isn’t that tiny.

Probably what made it feel that way is that the screen isn’t from wall to wall; there is a huge pillar between the wall and the screen on both sides. Which meant that the image is around 80% smaller than it would have been without the pillars obstructing.

Anyway, I really want to watch X-Men 3. Both CF and I love the movie and had planned to watch it together. As I’ll only be back again in two weeks time, I would have to be patient. Though CF had watched it yesterday with his college friends, he doesn’t mind watching it again.

In case you are wondering, it’s not he can’t wait to watch the movie; it’s just that he can’t really be saying to his friends, “Oh, I am waiting for my boyfriend to come back so that we can watch together. So sorry, I can’t join you”, can he?

It’s the summer blockbuster season and there are so many movies to watch, so little time. The current animation, Over the Hedge, has received good reviews but I couldn’t find anyone to watch it with. Another animation which I really want to catch since last year is Cars, coming out in June.

In addition, it has got the thumbs up by Suanie.

One last thing. I came across this letter and thought I would share it. It is indeed heartening to know that there are still logical and intelligent people straight males. If only there were more people who can think and arrive at similiar conclusions like the author ...

The letter has been edited for brevity. Parts in bold are my own. The original can be found here, titled Responding with Thought.

I'm not gay.

I never had any gay friends (or maybe some kept that part of themselves to themselves) or many friends for that matter.

But I have absolutely no sympathy for zealous fundamentalists who seem to forget that it is by GRACE that they are "saved"; that forgiveness and forbearance must first be proffered and not expected; that no one was, is or will ever be perfect this side of heaven. They claim to worship God, but have conveniently forgotten the message of forgiveness and love (in every sense of the word) that the life, action and words of the Messiah Jesus Christ has exemplified. In their pursuit of their interpretation of holiness, they've lost their humanity and compassion. Since you'll be judged by God, then don't judge others because there can be only one to judge the finality of all things. Indeed the bible has warned that it is by the measure you judge others that you'll be judged.

I've told my friend that in my opinion, straight males despises gays because they're terrified of the thought of being sodomised as it'll rob them of the dominant role of being a male -- one that penetrates and not one receiving penetration, which in their world, only women do. [Derek: I have said it numerous times: it's called "threatened masculinity". Why is masculinity so easily threatened? ;P] Curiously, it doesn't bother some of them that they enjoy anal sex (but only with women, please) because again, they're in their comfort zone as being the dominant partner who penetrates, though technically, they too are committing sodomy (I apologise if this choice of word caused grief & offence as it's a emotionally-loaded term).

Anyway, at this point in time, after a period of academic reflection, my conclusion is that discrimination against gays is due to fear and loathing.

If the unenlightened individual chooses to believe that "every gay's up to fuck me in the arse at every given opportunity" then by extension, every heterosexual male will be raping all available females within his reach. Just as straight males are only attracted to certain females while constantly thinking of sex, I believe that a gay male need to have certain taste, preference and standards met before he's ready to express his interest. The only heartache is when the other party does not reciprocate (either because he's "not like that" or just plain "not interested"). But hey, doesn't that occur in the non-gay sphere too?

To tar all gays as sexual predators ever-ready to shaft you in the arse at the drop of the hat means that for the sake of equity and fairness, we should label all straight males as rapists, adulterers, paedophiles and the like because they exist among them too.

I try to intellectualise the acceptance of gays people by comparing it to preferences each of us have towards our likes and dislikes. But I fear that you may dismiss it as a patronising attitude [Note by Yawning Bread: I most certainly don't. In fact, I thank you for your honesty and sharing.] But I haven't arrived at a better way to rationalise it. Perhaps it seems that I'm struggling hard not to fall into the clutches of irrational fear and callous prejudice. Or perhaps my approach is wrong because should I expect a gay person to rationalise my sexual orientation which he does not share? Sexual orientation and expression is but only a part of our human makeup. To some, it is small and unimportant; to others, it's the core of their existence.

So in closing, perhaps we should try to see any individual in his totality instead of zooming in on one aspect of his being which may (and usually) obscures the paradox of both beauty & ugliness that lies in each of us.

Nevertheless, I freely admit my discomfort if I'm propositioned by a gay person (like I have such attractive qualities that are so irresistible).

A carnivore must eat meat & a herbivore must eat plants. It's just the way they are. So if I'm turned on by (some) women, how do I explain or rationalise to a person who's not? The short answer is "There's no why. It's just my nature." With that, I think I can now understand and accept the very same answer to the question I pose to any gay person as to why they like what they like.

So I believe honesty, sensitivity, compassion and true love (wow this concept's just too huge) can go a long way in helping us cope with the myriad problems that assail each of us daily. Sadly, there's too little of those going around and tragically, most of us are too hard on ourselves most of the time.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

A test and a (deservedly) rest

Can't wait to go back to KL tomorrow evening. It has almost been a month that I am here in Singapore and I really miss him.

I sat for my professional paper yesterday. It was difficult, in the sense that they asked unexpected questions. The usual suspects didn't turn up this time.

Still, I have a good feeling about it. Managed to answer a little more than half of the questions and tembak (guessed) the rest.

Hopefully, my lucky letter of the day was E!

I am quite sick of this paper already, as I was taking it for the fourth time. I took Monday and Tuesday off and seriously, I don't think I could spend another day staring at the questions and notes!

It's sooooo time to move on, Derek.

I am really glad that CF called while I was at work today, as it is just not him to call. He wanted to tell me how he "came out" to a close friend of his in college. He was pretty stressed out about it initially.

Erm, "came out" in inverted commas as I am not sure what is the equivalent for a bisexual. I suppose it can be called the same. Heh.

Am so proud of you dear *hugs*

Looking forward to our wonderful time together tomorrow. ;P

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Monday meet-up

Nothing much to report, going into the third week in Singapore.

Time really passes. Don't miss CF that much anymore. (Heh, am so gonna get for this. Of course I miss you, dear.)

I still read the news about what is happening in Malaysia. The Shahrir issue is indeed interesting and shows there's no way that Malaysia is going to be a First World country anytime soon.

Also, on the ground, there are closed minded bigots who grew up under a coconut shell. I really do wonder where do they get their ideas and opinions from.

Monday May 8, 2006

House-husbands can lead to topsy-turvy homes

JUST when people think that husbands being homemakers is such a new and great idea, please spare some thoughts for the children.

What kind of a role model would the house-husband make for a growing boy?

He will probably grow up to be a feminine male and gay before long.

The reality is, whosoever brings home the bread will inevitably speak louder and have the last say.

We ought to be keeping the status quo and not advocating something topsy-turvy. Wives are to submit to their husbands.

I cannot picture how a breadwinner wife submitting to her homemaker husband.

Kuala Lumpur.

Anyway, Legolas and Ru were in Singapore on Monday. They stayed for two nights and should be in Kota Kinabalu for now.

It was great to finally meet Ru. It's always good to know the face behind the blog. It adds a sense of connection.

As it is, I am still not that familiar with the places in Singapore yet. So I asked DG to come along as he has been here longer and er ... somewhat a food connoisseur.

He suggested Fish and Co, which he absolutely loves and he has been suggesting everytime we go out for meals.

I didn't think Ru would want to have more of what he could get back home and he suggested Crystal Jade instead, on Scott's Road.

I have no idea where that is, but actually it's at Orchard Road. So we met Legolas and Ru at the Orchard MRT.

Sigh, it reminded me of how CF totally loves Crystal Jade (the one in Sungai Wang, not Midvalley). He especially likes the siew loong pau (or Shanghai buns). Basically it is buns with pork fillings and soup. The bun is either steamed or fried.

Right after we ordered our food, CF called. We talked for a very short while and I told him where we were. Said how I know he adores the siew loong pau on the menu and wished he was there.

There were some other feelings which I felt, but I didn't express them. Basically, I promised to take him to Sungai Wang when I go back.

Which is pretty soon.

We ordered a little too much food but we managed to finish them, as Leggie was starving. ;P

They were saying that the hotel that they were staying in Singapore is the best so far and invited us to go visit.

Unfortunately, DG and I were tired and we have work the next day. The two of them were tired as well from their flight to Singapore and also from Paul's little mis-directions to them which caused to walk a lot.

I have my professional exam next week and after that, I don't have to spend my weekends mugging books. Which obviously means that I can finally go back for a visit.

I am really looking forward to that. Been missing him so much that it's almost killing me. I think it's the same for him too.

It's just ten more days CF dear. Ten more!

Saturday, May 06, 2006


A relationship entails a lot of give and take; compromises. On one hand, one is supposed to accept the other party for who he is - his strengths and weaknesses.

On the other, there are expectations on him, which he might not be able to fulfill.

Is there an equilibrium between the two contrasting aspects? If there isn't and the scale tips towards the latter, is that when a break up happens?

I believe that one should try to please the other as much as he can. Without compromising on one's principles/individuality/wants if possible. Or whenever he can.

For example, if he likes shopping and I don't and he wants me to come along, it's something which I could do and if it makes him happy, I don't see why not.

Not that I am an expert in relationships, but I am still learning as I go along. There are so many things which I don't know about him yet - his expecations, needs, wants, dreams, etc.

But he has been patient with me and letting me make my mistakes and learn from them.

Thank you, dear.

Likewise, sometimes I wish he would grow up a little, do things this way or that or whatever.

Nevertheless I realised that he's still growing. There are things which he has yet to learn and I have to let him learn in time. At his own pace.

I have to learn to be more patient. I don't know how he'll turn out, but essentially, I think he would still be the same. Or even a better version of who is now.

He will change. I will change. Hopefully, with even with all those changes, we'll still love one another.

And I think we will.

CF and I are really quite different people. I know people say opposites attract thing. It sounds nice and all, but in reality, sometimes he really drives me up the wall (and he'll cheekily said that I drive him to the moon).

It's amazing to the both us that we're still together.

Basically what I am saying that we all have expectations. He has his expectations and I have mine on him. But I am willing to change my expectations because it's him. Just as he is trying to do things for me because he knows I'll like it, even though he may not be willing.

The middle path. Tolerance.

Or maybe, it's just because we want our relationship to work and we'll do whatever it takes to make it happen.

I truly want you to be happy. I want us to be happy.

P/S I am writing this on a Saturday evening in the office! Had to come back to finish something due on Monday. Contemplative (and slightly mushy) mood came over, so this is what came out. Not sure whether it's completely coherent though. ;P

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


This is my second week here and so far, it's been good. I won't say great, as I have been staying at work till nine almost everyday for the past week! And I'm typing this at 9 p.m., just before I leave the office.

Last Thursday, I went out with LP to support a friend of his who was performing at MOX, the equivalent of Frangipani, but more cozy and less smoky, as smoking is not allowed there. I asked DG to come along, as he hasn't checked out the scene ever since he arrived in Singapore. DG is someone I met last year and we watched Batman Begins and whom I haven't met since.

I was introduced to a friend of LP there, EU.

My first impression of EU was that he's quite cute. He's thirty but looks like a university student! Heck, he can even pass off younger than that.

Anyway, I somewhat flirted with him.

I know I am attached and all, but CF and I have discussed this before I left for Singapore and flirting is allowed.

As usual, I called him the next day to tell him about my first week here and obviously, I also mentioned about what happened in MOX.

CF was upset that I did what I did. Even though he initially thought he wouldn't be upset about it, but apparently now that it has happened, he doesn't think that he can accept it.

Me being the ever loving boyfriend that I am (ahem!), I agreed.

So fine, I told him I won't anymore. But then hor, EU was the first new person I met since I know CF. Not that it makes it excusable, but yeah, the feeling of meeting new people can be refreshing and exciting.

Getting to know someone new is ... well, just interesting and appealing to me as I do like to know more people and all.

Anyways, you don't have to worry. I do keep to my words.

That was Friday. I was quite bored on Sunday and so I asked a friend of Kit's to show me around Singapore.

It so happened that the friend, MH, has a friend who was visiting from abroad. TS is Singaporean, but he has been overseas for the past seven years and comes back to visit once or twice a year.

Now, which city do you think TS is working in? Drum roll .... the very city that CF is going to - Vancouver!

I mean, what are the chances, right? It's such a coincident that I should give MH a call last weekend and even more statistically small to have a friend of his, working in Vancouver, to be visiting on that very weekend.

Needless to say, I took the opportunity to find out as much as I can about the city. Things like it's not as cold as cities on the east (Vancouver is on the west, next to the sea), the temperature drops to almost zero during winter, but luckily it only snows a day or two in a year (coz I am really afraid of the cold), it rains a lot during spring and autumn and the best time to visit is during the second half of the year.

In addition I also found out that it is easier to drive to get around than to take the bus or the train over there.

Over there, personal lives comes first. From what I heard, there is no such thing as working towards a work-life balance, as life there is already balanced and they are practising it, unlike here. If someone has a sick child, he can go home to attend to the kid and work can be delegated to someone else. Which is the opposite in this part of the world, where one has to get the job done no matter what.

Hmmm, I think I can get used to that kind of environment ;P

Oh, TS also showed me some pictures of Canada. Those were very picturesque scenaries of the Rocky Mountains and lakes and the outdoors. I think if ever there is a pull factor, this would be it. The parks, lakes, mountains, I love this kind of nature stuff.

Not forgetting of course that CF would be there and that is the main pull factor.

So, I spent the whole of Sunday outside going around Singapore, getting myself familiarised with the island. I went to Fort Canning, Marina Square and the whole of Orchard Road.

We've been talking a lot on the phone lately. Even though he is reluctant to call and he does not like talking on the phone much, he still tries, as he knows that the distance is harder for me than it is to him.

Thanks so much dear. Can't wait to see you again soon. *hugs*

P/S This blog was never meant to be so personal. And so saccharine sweet and diabetic-inducing mushy XD As you know, I do write about things which I feel strongly about; things that affect us as individuals. But lately, I haven't had the time to really read about current affairs. He is all I think about whenever I am free.