Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Greetings from the Lion City

My first blog post from Singapore.

I arrived in Singapore last Friday and I was supposed to start work the coming Monday. Without much time left and without a place to stay, I had to resort to agents to find me a room.

Which thankfully, I did on that right afternoon. I work quite near the Central Business District and I managed to find a place to stay which is two MRT stations away or 10 minutes bus ride. It is quite convenient to most places as it is quite central.

Initially, I wanted to live with gay tenants or owners. CF questioned the rationale behind that and I realised there isn't any good reasons to do so. I mean, it's not like I'll be bringing anyone back for .... whatever. But I did think that if there were someone to talk to like other tenants or landlord when I need to, would be great.

The thought of living with cute guys is appealing, but definitely not a smart thing to do. ;P

Presently, I am staying with a family, with two kids. Both are in their teens. The boy just finished secondary school and the girl is five years younger.

So far, things have been OK. I have got my work permit done. I know how to get to work and get back. I have got myself a map and a guidebook to the transportaion system. Which apparently is not peculiar to foreigners, even the locals have a copy of those. The reason being that there are more than a hundred buses serving a multitude of routes and areas.

Food wise, everything is quite bland. The Singaporeans have a preference to add chili sauce into all their noodles. Oh, and almost everyone speaks Mandarin here.

My Mandarin is basic to say the least. I can understand a little, after translating into Cantonese. In the meantime, I have to ask the people around me to repeat what they said whenver I did not catch them the first time.

Hopefully, my mastery of the language improves with time.

Anyway, as I am working with a private firm now, I don't think it's a wise idea to visit my blog from work. I haven't got a PC or laptop with me here, but most probably will soon.

In the meantime, this blog is proudly brought to you by CF, whom I sent to via email.

Things between us are OK. I do miss him, but at the same time I am busy adjusting myself to work and the environment, so not much time to mull about him. Which is a good thing in a way.

I do call back, even though it's pretty expensive and I would have to keep the conversation short. Frequency of communication between us is pretty much the same as I was back in KL. At first, I thought it is something undesirable i.e. communication should be more often as to make up for the distance.

After a few days here, I realise I can live it.

I believe the distance won't separate us. My feelings for him won't change, though I think I cannot ignore the possibility that the next time I meet him, it might be necessary for me to know him all over again. I am missing much of his life, which I would like to share and be part of.

Meanwhile, I am having a good time here, as I am doing and going to do things which I have never done before. On my first day of work yesterday, the unavoidable question of one's dating status came up.

I told them that I am attached to someone. The next natural question was whether she would be joining me in Singapore soon.

Basically, I informed them of what the situation really is between CF and I. The only detailed I changed was his gender.

Though I did jokingly said that they are welcome to introduce PEOPLE to me if they want to.

So yeah, that's all the updates for now.

P/S Not sure whether he would read this or not, but as always, I love you CF dear.


Not sure if I'm allowed to add in this part, but as mentioned above, this post is posted by CF! I'm just gonna say you have a lot of
unnecessary worries! But anyway, I see your P/S there, dear! ;p

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Singapore, here I come!

So many things to do, so little time.

When I was in Singapore last Friday, I checked out a few rooms. There were two which I quite liked, but didn’t manage to get as the owner of the first one preferred someone else and the second one wanted a long term lease, which I can’t promise to. For the latter, the room was quite nice, just that the location is a bit far.

The plan is to get a room to stay temporarily, which doesn’t take me a long time to get to work and I keep on looking for a place.

I didn’t sleep so well for the past few days worrying about my accommodation. As of today, I still haven’t found any. So I will have to bunk with a friend while I spend this weekend looking for a room.

People have been asking me how do I feel.

I don’t know. I don’t feel much anymore.

Initially I did feel eager to be in a new job, new environment, new people. But now, I don’t think so much about it anymore. I just do what needs to be done.

Which I am not sure whether is a good thing or not. It’s not like I lack enthusiasm, but it does feel like it’s just another job, only difference being in a different country.

But I hope not. It’s supposed to be something new, greener pastures, blah blah blah …. It’s supposed to be exciting and yet I am not feeling it yet.

Oh well.

I managed to spend some quality time with CF on Sunday and Tuesday. We didn’t argue as at all and he was being very nice, though he did have one of his foul moods on Tuesday. Thankfully, it didn’t last long.

Unexpectedly, I don’t feel as bad or think I would miss him as much as I thought I would. Perhaps I’m still here in KL.

Or that we have come to a stage that we are stable in our relationship and somewhat know that things would work out alright, even with the challenges of long distance involved.

Still, I know I would miss him. I have snapped some pictures of him wearing nothing the necklace which I gave him to take with me to Singapore.

Anyways, now that I will be working in a private firm in Singapore, not a semi-government one like I did, I don’t think I will have the chance to update my blog as often. But I would try of course.

Wish me luck in Singapore!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Strange conversation

For the past few days, I have been calling a few people in Singapore to enquire about rooms to let.

I saw one which seems quite good, but there was not much information in the advert. Even the cost of rent was not stated.

Obviously, I called to find out more. D is me; the owner is 0.

D: May I know what is the minimum rent you are looking for?
O: Well, it all depends on how cute you are.
D: (I was like, WTF?) Err ... you mean the cuter I am, the cheaper the rent?
O: Maybe. Because I have a few options. There are two bedrooms, one master bedroom and another common room. I am in the master bedroom and I am looking for someone cute to share the room with. The less cute one can stay in the other room.
D: Hmmmm.
O: Would you prefer to stay on your own or sharing with someone?
D: No preference actually. But I think staying with someone else is bit more difficult, as both have to accomodate each other.
O: Of course, of course. So how young are you?
D: Mm ... 25.
O: Where would you be working?
D: Near Robinson Road.
O: Is this your first time working abroad? Coming to Singapore to work?
D: Errr, this is really strange. I have not had anyone asked me all these questions before.
O: This is all part of understanding the tenant. It's normal to ask.
D: So can I ask you back a few questions?
O: Yeah, go ahead.
D: Are you the owner of the place?
O: Yes, I am. What is your budget anyway?
D: About 400. Maybe a little more than that is still OK.
O: I see.
D: How old are you?
O: You mean how young?
D: Err ... yeah.
O: What do you think?
D: Erm ... about 30.
O: More than 30. A mature man, a little bit more mature than you.

Then he went on to tell me that as he will be moving into this new place of his, his room in his parents' house, a HDB flat, would be vacant. He also said that for 400, that would be more suitable for my budget.

In additon, he also mention that he's not completely moving out of his parents' place, as he would be staying there on weekdays. On weekend, he would be at his new place.

It was all very confusing.

O: Do you have an online profile? Sgboy or fridae?
D: Why do you ask?
O: I want to have an idea how you look like.
D: (can't you wait till at least when I arrange for a viewing of the condo?) Errrm, it's ******* on Fridae.
O: What is that again?

Then the line was disconnected.

I am not sure whether he actually got my online profile nickname, but it didn't seem like it.

When I told CF about what happened, he was mad of course. Mad that I actually gave him my online profile. He thought that I was flirting with him.

Which I definitely did not! I felt unconfortable the whole time; felt like I was a piece of meat or something. I don't know why I didn't cut short the conversation and continued talking.

Sigh, I have to be more careful. A lesson learnt.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Happy birthday, dear!

Mushy content alert! I am not responsible if this post causes elevated blood sugar levels. ;P

Happy 21st birthday darling! And happy 99th day anniversary!

Looking back, I didn’t plan to date anyone so soon after breaking up in March last year. But you came into my life in October and without both of us knowing, things changed from then.

I still remember our first meet up. It was for Corpse Bride in Times Square, 6.30 p.m. show. You were late because of the Friday traffic.

I have never told you this before, but I really had a good time that day. Maybe it's just me getting along well with younger people. Or it was something comforting and endearing about you.

Whatever it was, I began to hang out with you more. We went on to watch Harry Potter, Cello, Zathura, Narnia and SPL.

The thing that stopped me from initiating anything was you being younger. I had wanted someone closer to my age.

As things didn’t turn out as planned and I didn’t get to meet you today, I was looking at testimonials from your friends and acquaintances. I can’t help but smiled at the way they have described you.

It is said that how one’s partner treats the people around him is a good gauge of character and personality. You passed with flying colours.

Thank you for being you.
Thank you for being my boyfriend.
Thank you for choosing me.

Words can’t fully describe the feelings I have towards you now. I would try, though, with words which are not mine.

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -Victor Hugo

The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -Neale Donald Walsch

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things ... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying - Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness. - Susan Sarandon, Shall We Dance

For the past fourteen weeks that we have been together, we have had our fair share of disagreements. We are quite different in our personalities.

I am more left-brained and you right-brained. I care about what happens in the world, whereas you less so. We look at things differently; you from a humanistic point of view and me from a pragmatic one.

I also realize that you are who you are. Although there are things which I would like you to act or do differently and I would be happy if you did, I know that that would only make you, less you.

And I wouldn’t want that.

I am aware that I am not perfect either. Love is seeing perfection in imperfection.

I just want to say that, you have brought joy into my life, you have shown me what giving means, you have taught me lessons in life.

Whatever it is, you know that I am always here for you. May we have many more birthdays to celebrate together.

I want to see you grow.
I want to see you become the person you will eventually be.
I want to be part of your life.

I just want YOU.

Mixed feelings

I just tendered my resignation on Friday. The ultimate outcome of me going to Singapore becomes closer.

And I am scared.

I know this day is going to come, but when it did, it was still shocking. It’s like “I am finally leaving!”

On one hand, I am excited. On the other, all I think about is CF.

I texted my friend, HL, in the UK and I asked him to call me. I was feeling terribly depressed yesterday.

Perhaps it’s the impending eventuality - the change in environment, people, work place. I must admit that at this point in time, it feels more overwhelming than exciting.

HL had similar experience with long distance relationship (LDR). Granted, he broke off with his other half before he left for the UK. According to him and the some friends that he knows, LDRs don’t work. It’s the exception rather than the norm when it does work.

Not very encouraging, I know. All he could say was don’t get my hopes too high.

CF lives one day at a time. Which is good and bad. It is appropriate even, due to so many uncertainties at this stage in his life.

Perhaps it is just me. When I was 21, I roughly knew what I was going to do, where I was headed, etc. Though many of that didn’t happen as I planned, I did have a somewhat clear picture in my head.

I am the sort of person who needs to know what will happen and do everything I can to make it happen in my favour.

I realize I have been thinking too much. Which was not the right thing to do. And which is why I drank quite a bit during earlier during the barbeque at a colleague’s house. It was more like a gathering cum farewell for me.

It was fun. I seldom go out with my colleagues socially. Definitely will miss them.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

PDAs not allowed

Early yesterday morning I was greeted with such … absurdity.

I am sure many other blogs have picked up on this also. I wanted to post this up yesterday, but couldn't as I took half day off work to spend time with CF.

From the Sun:
The Federal Court has ruled that local governments have the power to prosecute citixens who behave in a disorderly manner in public.

The court ruled that Section 8 (1) of the Park By-Laws, the section invoked by the Datuk Bandar to punish persons caught behaving indecently in public was constitutional.

Chief Justice Tun Ahmad Fairuz said: “So they should be given freedom to live as they like? The constitution allows all citizens to do that (hugging and kissing) even by the roadside, in public park?”

“In England those acts are acceptable to the people in the country but is kissing and hugging acceptable to Malaysian citizens? Is the act according to the morality of the Asian people?”

What constitutes kissing? How do you define it? There are simple pecks on the cheeks / foreheads and lips-to-lips kissing and French kissing and so on.

Does this mean that even simple pecks are not allowed? What about those kissing the air left and right of the cheeks?

Another thing is, who defines what is acceptable to Malaysian citizens? Was a vote conducted?

I am also wondering what is Asian morality? Does it include couples not show any affection at all towards each other? It’s known that Malaysians don’t express themselves verbally (how often do parents say I love you), especially the men. Now expressing it in action also cannot.

Then how lar? In the bedroom?

Are we a society where people are frigid and reserved in public spaces, but wild and unrestrained in the bedrooms? I doubt all those repression of emotions will do any good to any lovey-dovey couple. For all we know, it might lead to more sexual activities.

I mean, all those sexual needs and urges must come out somewhere. Perhaps what is happening in Arab would arise here as well.

As everyone knows, people won’t stop doing something just because someone else tells them to. There has to be a motivation or an incentive for them to act.

And punishment has never been a good motivator or disincentive to act, if at all.

The more perplexing thing is that, apparently tourists can kiss and they will not be harassed.

This part, from the BBC report, is really funny:
Malaysia has a Muslim majority, but people of all religions are broadly conservative in their outlook.

Local television channels reflect this by censoring kissing so viewers are left to fill in the gaps when characters about to embrace suddenly appear in different parts of the room looking shocked or emotional for no apparent reason.

Am I correct to say that the whole world can kiss and is acceptable for them to, while here in goody goody Malaysia, we don't (or at least not in public)?

I suppose we want to be different in the eyes of the world. Different species of humans maybe who don't kiss or hug or show any loving emotions at all.

Monday, April 03, 2006

His birthday Part II

Not sure whether I jinxed it by posting it up yesterday night.

What happened was that, after I posted it up, CF called and we spoke on the phone. He was unhappy about something and I made him spilled it out. Somehow, it was related to the birthday celebrations that I was planning.

What I actually did was calling up his friends without CF knowing. He was furious that I have taken his friends' number without telling him.

The result was, I had to tell him everything that I had planned to make him understand the reasons.

It was my fault too as I didn't do sufficient "security control / strict warnings" to his friends not to tell him anything.

Oh well. So yeah, no suprises for him either, celebration-wise.

I think I suck at doing surpises.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

His birthday

CF’s birthday is coming up soon. In a week's time, he's turning 21. Legal age.

For the past week, that is all I can think about.

I have an idea of what to get him, but then there’s always the conflicting questions of “Should I surprise him with something, which I am not sure whether he’ll like/wear/use/display?” or “Should I ask him what he wants so that he’ll actually like/wear/use/display/parade in it?”

I decided on the latter.

So yeah, no surprises for him.

I know he loves surprises. Who doesn't, right? And the gift that I have in mind, I know it will be the best surprise ever.

When I informed him on Wednesday what the gift is, he actually said that he doesn't think it would look nice on him.

Anyway, I am still getting him that, but in the form which he likes.

Unexpectedly, he texted me on Friday while he was in Midvalley and told me what he wanted. I mean, not something that he wants for his birthday, but something he would like to have - the new album by Daniel Lee. And also the album of Nicholas Teo.

I didn’t even know Daniel has a new album. While I was out today, I found out that it is actually his first album, but with five music videos in it which are new songs.

Basically just a repackaged album with some additional stuff thrown in.

The thought of getting him that did cross my mind earlier, but now I don't think I will.

I also have been trying to organize celebrations for him with his friends. Surprisingly (or maybe not), they asked me how come I don’t want to celebrate with him alone?

Not that I don’t. But I thought that he would like it more with his friends around. The more the merrier kind of thing.

You have no idea how many group of friends he has - current college friends, previous college friends, previous university friends, online gaming friends, high school friends, bloggers and gay friends (he knows the last two from me).

All of them can't be accomodated into one weekend. Till now, he's meeting four of the above groups.

Last but not least, there's me.

I am going to get the gift this week.

By the way, CF is not supposed to know all these. I am referring to the birthday celebrations. So, I would really appreciate it if no one tells him. Thanks. ;P