I am back in KL for Chinese New Year. Although it's for a week and seems long, it doesn't feel as such. It is already Tuesday and I will be going back to Singapore on Saturday.
This Chinese New Year is more quiet, as I don't have much time to visit friends. Second day is always to visit my maternal grandmother.
And this year on the fourth day, my whole family is going to Genting for a Shaolin kungfu performance. So the whole day gone.
First day of CNY is a non-visiting day and thus I was at home watching television and reading a book.
That only leaves Wednesday and Friday free for myself. But Wednesday is my anniversary with Nyk and of course it is just the two of us.
Fortunately I got to meet a friend of mine yesterday for yum cha. He brought two of his friends along, whom I met before last Chinese New Year. I invited Nyk too and everyone had a blast chatting over drinks.
Although it is a little late, I wish my readers a very happy and prosperous Year of the Cow (as there is more yin than yang, according to a feng shui master). May the year ahead bring lots of happiness, wealth, health, opportunities and love to you.
Gong xi gong xi!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
When it's time, it's time
I just learned a new phrase this weekend. Serial monogamy. It was mentioned by Nick and coincidentally it was also mentioned on Trevvy in their recent editorial feature.
Basically, serial monogamy is going from a relationship to another, whenever the current one becomes unfulfilling or unsalvageable. To me, it seems an intermediate stage between a one night stand and a relationship. It is longer than a fling but shorter than a long term relationship.
One goes into a relationship not expecting to be long term and hence when it really does end, it would be relatively easier. One enjoys the stability of a relationship which comes in the form of emotional support and physical needs. There are dates and movies and gathering with each other’s friends. It does seem like a perfectly healthy relationship.
There is a sense of familiarity but at the back of the mind, you realize that it would end one day.
I suppose this is really taking the 7 habits literally, begin with the end in mind.
To quote from Trevvy, where the author in turn quoted from Before Sunrise:
the ideal relationship was two intense years, with clean breaks, fresh starts, friends for life, something like that. It's like if you knew your relationship had to end in two years, there would be no room for fighting or wasted time. There could be more love and appreciation for one another. ... If everyone you met you knew was going to die at midnight, you would be a much more compassionate person.
Perhaps it is that relationships work best if we don't drag them on unnecessarily; if we step into them with the primary objective of getting the most out of it, emotionally, spiritually, in whichever ways, even if that means letting the relationship be short-lived. Too often we're more preoccupied with how far and long the relationship will go instead of making every second of it worthwhile and letting things run their natural course.
Indeed, if the relationship couldn’t be salvaged then really it is time to move on. No point wasting each other's time. But I do believe that breaking up should be the last option, not the first. All effort to save the relationship should be tried before finally waving the white flag.
The main thing is that you have given whatever you can into the relationship to make it work. This is totally different from dating someone and dumping him when someone better comes along.
Ultimately, I think what the author is trying to say that relationships have its own expiry date too, be it a break-up or death. Nothing is permanent; treasure every moment together and a break up could be the best, no matter how difficult, thing to do.
Basically, serial monogamy is going from a relationship to another, whenever the current one becomes unfulfilling or unsalvageable. To me, it seems an intermediate stage between a one night stand and a relationship. It is longer than a fling but shorter than a long term relationship.
One goes into a relationship not expecting to be long term and hence when it really does end, it would be relatively easier. One enjoys the stability of a relationship which comes in the form of emotional support and physical needs. There are dates and movies and gathering with each other’s friends. It does seem like a perfectly healthy relationship.
There is a sense of familiarity but at the back of the mind, you realize that it would end one day.
I suppose this is really taking the 7 habits literally, begin with the end in mind.
To quote from Trevvy, where the author in turn quoted from Before Sunrise:
the ideal relationship was two intense years, with clean breaks, fresh starts, friends for life, something like that. It's like if you knew your relationship had to end in two years, there would be no room for fighting or wasted time. There could be more love and appreciation for one another. ... If everyone you met you knew was going to die at midnight, you would be a much more compassionate person.
Perhaps it is that relationships work best if we don't drag them on unnecessarily; if we step into them with the primary objective of getting the most out of it, emotionally, spiritually, in whichever ways, even if that means letting the relationship be short-lived. Too often we're more preoccupied with how far and long the relationship will go instead of making every second of it worthwhile and letting things run their natural course.
Indeed, if the relationship couldn’t be salvaged then really it is time to move on. No point wasting each other's time. But I do believe that breaking up should be the last option, not the first. All effort to save the relationship should be tried before finally waving the white flag.
The main thing is that you have given whatever you can into the relationship to make it work. This is totally different from dating someone and dumping him when someone better comes along.
Ultimately, I think what the author is trying to say that relationships have its own expiry date too, be it a break-up or death. Nothing is permanent; treasure every moment together and a break up could be the best, no matter how difficult, thing to do.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Shopping and ginseng
Yesterday I was out with my ex-colleague. We were doing some catching up and at the same time, she wanted to get a shirt for her boyfriend. Apparently, he only has whites, blacks and greys. Not surprisngly, she wanted something to brighten up his wardrobe.
She saw this white red shirt with white stripes at Banana Republic, which is very outstanding and eye-catching. Unfortunately, they only have size 17 left, which is an XL size. I usually wear M but for their label, a 14 suits me just fine.
So she has to choose something else for her boyfriend. We continued looking but in the end, her purse was not unopened. Instead it was me who was carrying shopping bags. I bought a striped pink and purple polo T for Chinese New Year and a T-shirt from Celio for Nyk.
For today, I had to wake up early to go for tui na, which is a form of Chinese massage which works on acupressure points. PL's mom has been doing this for a long time and we decided to engage her services. The appointment was fixed at 11pm for both MJ and me.
I usually have a stiff shoulder and back due to hours sitting at the desk facing the PC. So tui na is supposed to loosen the muscles and get the blood flowing and the nerves firing again.
It was a 1 hour session and I was told it was going to be painful. Yes, it was painful at certain points, like when she pressed my butt cheeks (apparently there is this point in the center of the butt cheek which is really painful when pressed but it clears up some nerves somewhere) and behind my knee (the soft part right behind; apparently its due to walking or standing too much).
It was painful but bearable. I did let out a soft moan or two but I did feel good after that. I could feel the muscles relaxed and loosened. Still, the prognosis for me was so good; there are some blockages somewhere in my body.
She noted that my hands and legs are colder than it should be which means that blood circulation is not as it should be. These extremities are colder to the touch than the rest of my body.
The solution is return for a few more sessions of tui na and to eat "healing" food, like chicken essence and ginseng. And of course to return for a few more sessions.
Looks like I have to upgrade my life to a tai-tai from now on as I have to feast on this sort of delicacies and go for massages. Who wants to buy me ginseng and massage vouchers? ;-)
She saw this white red shirt with white stripes at Banana Republic, which is very outstanding and eye-catching. Unfortunately, they only have size 17 left, which is an XL size. I usually wear M but for their label, a 14 suits me just fine.
So she has to choose something else for her boyfriend. We continued looking but in the end, her purse was not unopened. Instead it was me who was carrying shopping bags. I bought a striped pink and purple polo T for Chinese New Year and a T-shirt from Celio for Nyk.
For today, I had to wake up early to go for tui na, which is a form of Chinese massage which works on acupressure points. PL's mom has been doing this for a long time and we decided to engage her services. The appointment was fixed at 11pm for both MJ and me.
I usually have a stiff shoulder and back due to hours sitting at the desk facing the PC. So tui na is supposed to loosen the muscles and get the blood flowing and the nerves firing again.
It was a 1 hour session and I was told it was going to be painful. Yes, it was painful at certain points, like when she pressed my butt cheeks (apparently there is this point in the center of the butt cheek which is really painful when pressed but it clears up some nerves somewhere) and behind my knee (the soft part right behind; apparently its due to walking or standing too much).
It was painful but bearable. I did let out a soft moan or two but I did feel good after that. I could feel the muscles relaxed and loosened. Still, the prognosis for me was so good; there are some blockages somewhere in my body.
She noted that my hands and legs are colder than it should be which means that blood circulation is not as it should be. These extremities are colder to the touch than the rest of my body.
The solution is return for a few more sessions of tui na and to eat "healing" food, like chicken essence and ginseng. And of course to return for a few more sessions.
Looks like I have to upgrade my life to a tai-tai from now on as I have to feast on this sort of delicacies and go for massages. Who wants to buy me ginseng and massage vouchers? ;-)
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Happily gay
My colleagues whom I am out to, occasionally says that I am in too deep; that I cannot be saved. In the first place, I am not in danger. Secondly, save me from what, I don't know.
Of course, I know they mean well. They meant that I am too gay to turn straight. In too deep to pull out.
But what is so great about being straight anyway? When I was still a wee teen, yeah I would. To fit in and not to be different. But now that I am perfectly comfortable with who I am, I don't really see the point.
I am certain that many will choose to be straight, if given a choice and a 100% conversion rate. I am aware that there are people whose lives would be so much better and improvement in all areas of life if they were straight and be like everyone else.
For me, even if I could, I wouldn't. Not that I chose to be gay in the first place, but since I am, I am fine with that thank you very much.
The reason is because I like being who I am. I am different (I know we are all different, but you know what I mean) and all these years I have looked at the world in a different light. I notice things that straight people usually would not. I have become who I am from years of experiencing things in a way distinct from other people.
Men claim they don't understand woman and woman claim they don't get men. I suppose it makes their lives more interesting spending a lot of time trying to figure out their partners. It is already difficult enough to understand someone as an individual, so taking away the sexual differences helps.
Besides, I don't look at a woman and think of her, "She is female and hence she is expected / probably / supposed to / going to act like this." There is gender roles defined and predetermined. We are just two guys who love each other, Nyk and I. Our roles are fluid and interchangeable.
Perhaps for some people, predefined roles and expectations are comforting. They know what to do and what is expected of them. They don't need to reinvent the wheel. They don't have to start from a blank piece of paper. The map is drawn and one just need to follow the directions.
One other pertinent issue. Sex is important to guys. I would think that it is the same for women too.
If public surveys and opinion were to be believed, three quarters of women have faked an orgasm. Obviously I can't speak for the straight males, but I always believe in reciprocity and mutual gratification.
I definitely would want my partner to feel great and achieve orgasm. And I do know for sure when he does. There's no faking it. For me, this certainty of the male reaction comforts me.
My colleague revealed that she had wanted to pair me with her best friend. This was before she knew about my sexual orientation. She jokingly said why must I turn out to be gay.
But most probably I may not be who I am if I were straight. I may not be sweet and cute, to quote someone (I am flattered). I might turn out to be some male chauvinist, wife beater and foul-mouth straight guy.
As they say, all the good guys are either taken or gay.
Of course, I know they mean well. They meant that I am too gay to turn straight. In too deep to pull out.
But what is so great about being straight anyway? When I was still a wee teen, yeah I would. To fit in and not to be different. But now that I am perfectly comfortable with who I am, I don't really see the point.
I am certain that many will choose to be straight, if given a choice and a 100% conversion rate. I am aware that there are people whose lives would be so much better and improvement in all areas of life if they were straight and be like everyone else.
For me, even if I could, I wouldn't. Not that I chose to be gay in the first place, but since I am, I am fine with that thank you very much.
The reason is because I like being who I am. I am different (I know we are all different, but you know what I mean) and all these years I have looked at the world in a different light. I notice things that straight people usually would not. I have become who I am from years of experiencing things in a way distinct from other people.
Men claim they don't understand woman and woman claim they don't get men. I suppose it makes their lives more interesting spending a lot of time trying to figure out their partners. It is already difficult enough to understand someone as an individual, so taking away the sexual differences helps.
Besides, I don't look at a woman and think of her, "She is female and hence she is expected / probably / supposed to / going to act like this." There is gender roles defined and predetermined. We are just two guys who love each other, Nyk and I. Our roles are fluid and interchangeable.
Perhaps for some people, predefined roles and expectations are comforting. They know what to do and what is expected of them. They don't need to reinvent the wheel. They don't have to start from a blank piece of paper. The map is drawn and one just need to follow the directions.
One other pertinent issue. Sex is important to guys. I would think that it is the same for women too.
If public surveys and opinion were to be believed, three quarters of women have faked an orgasm. Obviously I can't speak for the straight males, but I always believe in reciprocity and mutual gratification.
I definitely would want my partner to feel great and achieve orgasm. And I do know for sure when he does. There's no faking it. For me, this certainty of the male reaction comforts me.
My colleague revealed that she had wanted to pair me with her best friend. This was before she knew about my sexual orientation. She jokingly said why must I turn out to be gay.
But most probably I may not be who I am if I were straight. I may not be sweet and cute, to quote someone (I am flattered). I might turn out to be some male chauvinist, wife beater and foul-mouth straight guy.
As they say, all the good guys are either taken or gay.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging
I watched this movie called Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, by the same director of Bend It Like Beckham. I quite like the latter, so I thought I would like her latest movie too.
And I was right.
As you could probably guess from the movie title, it is a movie about all those things, from the perspective of a 14 year-old named Georgia. Or as her friends call her, G.
It is quite a hilarious movie on how tweens deal with things like crushes, boyfriends, kisses, uncool parents and organising the coolest birthday party.
Someone commented that it is like a very much younger version of Bridget Jones.
But the movie was made the more enjoyable by this cutie called Aaron Johnson, who played G's crush Robbie. He has such dreamy eyes and lopsided smile. In the movie, he's a member of a band.
Unfortunately, he is not that famous and this is the best picture I could find online. But trust me, he looked waaaay cuter in the movie.
He even has a shirtless scene.
Many would probably disagree, but I think Johnson is hotter than that guy in the Disney musical ... errr ... what's his name ... oh, you know who .....
Overall it is an excellent movie and I would recommend it if you like Bridget Jones. Even if you did not, its British humour and sarcasm made it enjoyable one for me.
A rating of 3.5 stars and an additional half star just because of Aaron Johnson ;-)
And I was right.
As you could probably guess from the movie title, it is a movie about all those things, from the perspective of a 14 year-old named Georgia. Or as her friends call her, G.
It is quite a hilarious movie on how tweens deal with things like crushes, boyfriends, kisses, uncool parents and organising the coolest birthday party.
Someone commented that it is like a very much younger version of Bridget Jones.
But the movie was made the more enjoyable by this cutie called Aaron Johnson, who played G's crush Robbie. He has such dreamy eyes and lopsided smile. In the movie, he's a member of a band.
Unfortunately, he is not that famous and this is the best picture I could find online. But trust me, he looked waaaay cuter in the movie.
He even has a shirtless scene.
Many would probably disagree, but I think Johnson is hotter than that guy in the Disney musical ... errr ... what's his name ... oh, you know who .....
Overall it is an excellent movie and I would recommend it if you like Bridget Jones. Even if you did not, its British humour and sarcasm made it enjoyable one for me.
A rating of 3.5 stars and an additional half star just because of Aaron Johnson ;-)
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Two oh oh nine
Another year, another beginning of all things good. A new hope; a new dawn.
I suppose new years force us to think back and reflect. Going through the paces of life, sometimes we forget who and what we are and where we are going. A changing of a digit makes us pause and take a breather.
As I don't really like crowds, I spent New Year's Eve at home, cuddled with a book. I really want to catch up on my reading; there are too many books which are yet to be flipped open on my shelves.
My New Year's was pretty uneventful. I would say downright boring and inappropriate start to 2009. I was behind my desk in the office for a good 5 hours. It was indeed unfortunate, but it was necessary.
After that, I went to indulge in my favourite past time. I caught Seven Pounds, starring Will Smith. The phrase was taken from the Bible, if I am not wrong; seven pounds of flesh. The story was indeed interesting, but it takes just a little too long to get to the main point.
Still, the cast all did a great job in their roles. Clocking at 2 hours, it didn't feel that long as the actors and actresses carried their roles very well. I was kept guessing till the final 30 minutes of the movie.
To all my readers, wishing you a very Happy New Year 2009. May the year bring you
Health
Wealth
Happiness
Success
Fortune
Wisdom
Experience
Love
Friendship
and hope you enjoy life in all its multitude of colours.
I suppose new years force us to think back and reflect. Going through the paces of life, sometimes we forget who and what we are and where we are going. A changing of a digit makes us pause and take a breather.
As I don't really like crowds, I spent New Year's Eve at home, cuddled with a book. I really want to catch up on my reading; there are too many books which are yet to be flipped open on my shelves.
My New Year's was pretty uneventful. I would say downright boring and inappropriate start to 2009. I was behind my desk in the office for a good 5 hours. It was indeed unfortunate, but it was necessary.
After that, I went to indulge in my favourite past time. I caught Seven Pounds, starring Will Smith. The phrase was taken from the Bible, if I am not wrong; seven pounds of flesh. The story was indeed interesting, but it takes just a little too long to get to the main point.
Still, the cast all did a great job in their roles. Clocking at 2 hours, it didn't feel that long as the actors and actresses carried their roles very well. I was kept guessing till the final 30 minutes of the movie.
To all my readers, wishing you a very Happy New Year 2009. May the year bring you
Health
Wealth
Happiness
Success
Fortune
Wisdom
Experience
Love
Friendship
and hope you enjoy life in all its multitude of colours.
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