Friday, June 03, 2005

Sexuality lapse

Something interesting happened yesterday.

I was at a training program, called Improved Reading Skills, for the past two days. There was another program held at the training center – an orientation program for the company’s new staff.

Lunch was held at the dining room, so I got to meet the new employees. I knew some of them already, as they have joined for more than a month. There were of course some new faces, whom I was duly introduced to.

One of the girls lamented the fact that there were 20 of them and only 7 guys. As luck would have it, the people I knew, including the newly introduced ones, were all females. The table I sat at, all of them have the XX chromosomes. Now guys, don't be jealous. Muahaha ..

Obviously for me, it was somewhat of a disappointment. But, the guys weren’t that cute anyway. LOL.

The weird thing was, I felt kind of excited. I felt strong and absolutely masculine.

Unexpectedly, the girl who complained of the lack of male employees, asked me this, ‘How come you know all the new female staff?’ Let’s call her S.

Err .. that was a very good question. I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable, as it’s not like she asked how I knew all the male staff, but I did. I was flustered.

The truth is, there is a colleague who knows all the new brooms. He is an extremely friendly person and basically knows every person who joins the bank. Especially if they are female. And this colleague, is the same one I mentioned that I was close with. So naturally, I would know too.

Furthermore, when she asked me that, I was talking to another girl, Y, sitting next to me. Her friend from primary school attended the same university as I did, so we got into a friendly chat and I asked Y, how was our mutual friend doing. Somewhat intentionally, I ignored S’s question.

I am sure you could have guessed what happened next. S, who is quite outspoken, called me a crocodile a.k.a. buaya.

I felt a sense of pride. But guys, don’t start throwing rotten eggs at me yet. It’s not something I am proud of. *shameful look*

Perhaps, it was because I was being positively straight acting (not that I usually don’t). It further perpetuated the heterosexual feeling. Somehow, in front of a group of girls, I get energised and appear even more straight acting than usual. I felt so good, so hetero that I actually doubted my own gay sexuality.

Truthfully, I don’t get it either.

Another explanation that I could think of is the lack of female contact for a very long time. My department has more guys than gals. Furthermore, the colleagues I have lunch with and the friends I hang out with are usually all guys. And positively straight too.

I suppose it was a refreshing change. I think I almost forgot how interesting the female human species is. Totally different from testosterone-driven straight males that I work with daily.

Despite my pro-gay and proud to be gay attitude (plus superiority complex ;P), the occasional feeling of belonging and fitting in with 96 percent of the male population does surface. Especially when I least expect it.

Thankfully, that lasted all of five minutes.

I soon return to my usual self. And I reminded myself how absolutely silly and clueless most straight guys are (I have blogged on this before). Why would I want to be like them? Hehe ….

Still, I found the whole thing a really fascinating observation of myself. I am not sure whether I am the only one, so if you have similar experiences, please do share.

Breasts and pussy can never, ever do it for me.


Will said...

OMG Oh no no brests or pussy for me either.

Proudly vagina-free since 1980,

Espion said...

Hmmm .. I've a contrary explanation. Its not that u manly. Rather ur unconscious feminity - pheromones, or brain waves or what have you - allows you to click with gals so naturally, so it appeared to the uninformed that u buaya ... but really u just get on better with gals cos u more like them then it appears to be ... kekekeke ... well just a hypothesis ... but a testable/expreimentable one ... if only we can get volunteers ...

Derek said...

Your hypotheses might just be right. Though I have more male friends than female - something like five-to-one ratio.