Sunday, June 12, 2005

The day after

It has been more than 24 hours after my coming out.

Wow, it was indeed wonderful. The feeling of liberation and the gush of exhilaration. Leaving the musty smell of the closet and breathing in the fresh air. This is just awesome.

Truthfully though, I am actually kinda disappointed.

Call me a drama-queen but I was actually expecting a lot more from my coming out experience. Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps some vase-throwing and over-dramatic shouting and screaming? Or threats of you-better-turn-straight-or-you-leave-this-house-

As you have read, my mom was decidedly calm and understanding.

For aspiring closet-leavers, let me share with you the top three most awkward questions you will encounter when you come out to family. Or at least, I did. Answers given are just suggestions. You are welcome to use them, but I shall not be held responsible for the consequences.

1) You look at cute guys on the streets and you wanna ‘do’ them?
Of course not, I am not that cheap. Besides, nowadays departmental stores and boutiques are everywhere.

2) You mean you get turn on when you look at a penis, an erect penis?
Well, a penis is a penis is a penis. Though not just any penis. Size does matter, you know.

3) How on earth do you have sex with men?
First, you undress him. Then, you play ….. Oh my god, you mean you and dad never … ? *gasp* Then, where did I come from?

I suppose coming out loses its drama and anticipation after a while. By the way, I have come out to more than ten straight people – friends from secondary school and university mostly.

Am I getting used to it all already? The fear of the other person’s rejection (Please leave now. I don’t want to ever see you again.), the unbelief (How can you be gay? You look so normal.), the certainty questions (You sure you are gay? You sure this is not just a phase?), the curiosity (How does er ... a penis taste like?).

OK, I made the last one up. I have not come across anyone who asked me that. Maybe my friends were just being polite.

On the bright side though, I am actually glad that I am out to her. I have a feeling that things would be better between us. Our relationship will definitely improve.

I don’t need to hide my conversations with guys. I can tell her who are the friends I hang out with. Why, I can even bring my boyfriend home (when I have one). ‘Mom, meet Z. He’s my boyfriend. He’s sleeping over tonight.’

Having said that, the next thing that I would need to confess to her is: ‘You know the Kota Kinabalu trip I told you about? Yeah, I am actually going with nineteen other gay guys.’


Will said...

Nineteen other gay guys. She won't be sleeping well all the while you're away I can assure you.

It gets cold on Mt Kinabalu, Mom. We were just huddling for warmth!

Espion said...

Your mum is sure one sharp and intelligent woman. She had been observing you more closely than you think. If what you wrote in the earlier blog is accurate, she outed you with her direct question, "Are you gay?"

Perhaps, like you, she too have been coming to terms internally, mentally, silently, about your gayness, and been preparing for the day to bring up the subject into the open.

And so on that day you were both prepared, and hence no drama.

BTW will be keen to know if your brother is gay too ... kekeke ... Just more data points for my theory. Also are there any possible gay suspects amongst your male cousins on your mother's side? And any unmarried brothers of your mum?

pluboy@takashi said...

Gay or not gay..

Why do people have to think so serong and so negatively of us? It's like as though we harmed them..

Great to hear that the coming out of yours is so cool and without much fuss..

God bless...

Derek said...

Will: Now, now, don't give her any ideas. It takes time to accept my sexuality. And I do want her to sleep well. But I will have to stress to her that they are nice, decent people.

Espion: I agree with you. It is an established fact that mom knows all (after all, I was in her tummy for 9 months).

Yes, as I have mentioned previously, the two gay conversations that she initiated - those were definitely giveaways that she was on to me.

Pluboy: Thanks for your wishes. But I suppose Chinese newspapers helped in giving her an accurate picture, not negative ones. She just needs to understand more, that's all.

Jay said...

Well done Derek. That was very brave of you. I get a lot of questions from my parents ("Eh, why you don't seem to like girls one har?") but I've never been asked the question. I suspect the day they spit it out will be the day I tell them the truth.

That yes, I am gay, but I'm still a virgin and I've most certainly never taken it up the arse.


Derek said...


Yeah, jay. I believe you. We believe you.

Surely, your parents will too (if they were born yesterday)


wingedman said...

Yes mom. I'm a virgin. No I've never had a boyfriend. Well yes I want to have one, but all we'll do is lie chastely in bed and hug and cuddle and kiss each other. Yes, mom that's gay sex. NO! That's dirty! Where did you hear that from? LIES. FILTHY LIES. UP THE WHERE--? Don't believe it for a second, mom.

weeshiong said...

wow. looks like you've been busy with coming out and all :P i cam out to my mom two years ago. actually what i did was run home crying (or rather drove intersate while crying) and she asked me if it was because of a girl. i said no so she asked me if it was because of a boy. so moms really do know all :)

congrats! that's one less person to bug you with "when are you getting married" questions

loopy said...

honestly, your mom will think you're going for an orgy in KK.

you don't have to be honest about everything. break it to her slowly, tee hee.

anyway I'm so happy to hear that you've reached another milestone in your life. lucks for the journey ahead.