This was from last Sunday's lifestyle section, Dear Thelma.
I do think that it's not the best advice given, it is one of the better ones given. Furthermore, Trapped's predicament is very similar to my friend K (refer to Coming Out Part 1).
The most important thing is to be true to oneself. After all, there is only one of each of us in the world and no two is alike.
Star - Lifestyle,
Sunday May 8, 2005
Perfect guy with dark secret
FOR 27 years, I've toed the line of what a son should be. I could
well be the proverbial perfect guy – clean living; good, religious
image; wonderful career. I've had a few failed relationships with
But behind closed door, the devil is also in me – I harbour lust and
affection for guys. I've never been open about it because I've always
believed I could control this behaviour.
Lately, my career took a downturn and because of family pressure, I
became depressed. Since then, I have been increasingly open about my
dual sexuality. I socialise more with gays and, at times, follow
their lifestyle too.
Some weeks ago, I met a guy online and what was supposed to be just
another friendship developed into something further. I found myself
falling for him, even loving him now. I am "in" their world now.
But I'm not ready to swing to that side of the fence. I believe it
would be unfair to him as I would not be able to love him and offer
him my all. Is this just lust or a sign that I may be gay after all?
Am I taking advantage of my unhappiness to delve deeper into this
While I am extremely happy being with him, the reality of my life
hurts me. I have become increasingly bitter about who I am, what I
cannot change and what I hope I could be. I never thought I would
succumb to this dilemma and I think I'm reaching the end of the
MAYBE you have been trying so hard to be perfect that you are afraid of the truth within yourself. You dated women while you lusted for men. Although you believe that you are bisexual, you seem more comfortable with someone of your own sex.
Sort yourself out or you will always be confused and uncertain about love. Being Mr Perfect may place you on the pedestal that you want the world to see. But inside, you are just a fearful guy, who dreads your natural feelings and desires. You are so afraid that family, relatives and friends will see through your guise and be shocked and scandalised by the real you. You hide from yourself because you worry about the fall from grace and respectability.
It will be easier to identify your true sexual inclination when you stop running from yourself. Forget the image building and get real. When you lead a life of secrecy and stolen sex, it will confuse your needs. Get to know other women and men. Relax and allow yourself time and opportunity to explore your feelings and desire for either sex.
There are many homosexuals who are successful and happy. There are homosexuals who turned straight when they realised that they weren't truly gays. Bisexuals find it more difficult to develop long-term relationships because of the dual role they want to play. Frankly, it doesn't matter what you are because no one can live your life for you. Ultimately, you must come straight with yourself or you will find it hard to find true love and happiness.