Sunday, May 15, 2005

Love and sorrow

Wow, another gay-related letter in The Sunday Star. Two weeks in a row. Could it be because of the first local coming out, shown on Astro last month?

Perhaps Thelma thought that Hopeless is only 20, as such advising him to be sure of his sexuality. Which is a very different response from the earlier letter. Though it is quite obvious that Hopeless is gay and can't accept it, due to years of society's conditioning of what is normal. Notice the words he used : disease, ashamed, normal relationship. Moreover, he did say that he tried to have a romantic relationship with a girl but couldn't.

What other signs do you need? The word "gay" taped to the forehead?

I might be a little hasty here to jump to conclusions. Knowing that you are gay is a truth that would change everything. Perhaps Thelma is wise to suggest prudence.

But still, how many straight guys you know who "keep on thinking about him day and night, and I even dream about him"?

There should really be a helpline to all those who need advice on the issue. Something like "Dial toll free 1 800 426 429 if you think you are gay". I know the numbers seem random, but they are not. ;P

I wish Hopeless all the best and that he will have the courage to face the truth. If he really isn't gay, then good for him.

Though we would have one less good looking guy. And smart too. Damn.

Love and sorrow

I AM 20 and studying in a private college in Kuala Lumpur. I don’t think I am good looking (although my friends say I am) but I’m good in my studies. The problem is, I like someone of the same gender. I first noticed this disease when I was in secondary school.

I feel really ashamed of myself and I don’t dare to think about my future. Will I get married? How am I going to tell my parents about this? I like girls, they are cute, but my feeling towards them is totally different than towards boys.

Recently, I was working in a company during my semester break and I got to know someone two years younger named X. At first, I treated him as a new friend, but later, I developed special feelings for him. I keep on thinking about him day and night, and I even dream about him.

When I heard others say that he had a girlfriend, it broke my heart. When he told me that he would be leaving the company, I felt like there was no more light in my life.

The moment I see him, I become moody. Sometimes, I catch him staring at me but the moment I look at him, he turns away. What is he thinking?

I may look like a strong and happy-go-lucky guy on the outside, but inside, I’m weak.

I don’t like this feeling. I have always hoped to have a normal relationship with a girl, but I can’t do it – I know, I’ve tried before. I can’t tell my family about my problems, as I’m the eldest son. They count on me.

I really love X but I hate myself at the same time. And what about my future? I have no chance to walk down the street holding hands with someone I love.


HOMOSEXUALITY is not a disease. However, don’t pressure yourself until you know if you are truly homosexual.

Unfortunately, I doubt that X shares your feelings and sexual inclination. He has a girlfriend and has never given you any encouragement sexually and emotionally. You are probably reading too much into the eye contact because of your own intensity.

Self-hatred, guilt and fear will not help you to set your life right. Worrying about what your parents will say, fear of facing disapproval on the streets for being with a guy, and getting all up-tight because you feel you should get married is a waste of time and imagination.

You need to know the real you. Feeling strongly for one guy and failing to have relationships with the opposite sex does not make you gay.

Until you get involved with someone emotionally, you will never know if you like the guys or the gals. Perhaps you haven’t found the right girl to love. Or you’re just insecure about your looks and find it easier to relate to guys. Feeling comfortable with your own sex does not make you a gay.

Give yourself time and opportunity before you decide on your sexual path. Be guided by your heart and mind, not your fears and insecurities. Have courage and do not be afraid to be yourself. Every one deserves true love and happiness. No one should belittle and ridicule another just because they do not conform to the rules and expectations of society.

No comments: