Wednesday, May 04, 2005

It is only human to love and be loved

My parents celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary last week. Which obviously reminded me how old they were when they got married. My dad was 25 and my mom was two years younger. I am going to be 25 next year and fortunately so far, they haven’t been asking the dreaded M question.

On a similar note, this question was posted in one of the yahoogroups that I am in.

Why do we feel that happiness only comes through living as couples? Why do we feel so bad about living alone? It's surely not because we know of many happy couples, be they of different or same sex. Statistics tell us otherwise. Only a small minority of couples experience happiness. Why then spend so much time and energy in searching Mr. Right?

This is indeed a difficult question. Why do we feel that we need another, our so called other half, to feel complete? I suppose it’s similar to the nature and nurture issue of being gay. In this case, I would think that nurture has a stronger influence.

From the very moment we entered this world, we see a couple in our parents. As we grow older, we noticed that there are male and female and there are differences between them. The cartoons we watched portrayed that. Think Thundercats, Smurfs, Voltron, Care Bears (chuckle!), etc. Or for that matter, any TV shows. In kindergarten, girls wear different clothes from boys.

So in a way, we are program to think that we are supposed to be with someone of the opposite sex. For straight people, I suppose the main reason is to set up a family. They can’t do it alone, can they? And imagine, when the kids come into the picture, surely two pairs of hands are better than one pair.

For non-straight people, we can’t have the kids part. But still, we yearn for something similar. This can be attributed to the fact that the family institution has been an integral part of us growing up. Even the politicians stress the importance of family and the roles it plays in the fabric of society. As such, perhaps we want a family, but without the kids.

Though logically, the reason is none other than we are human. Humans are social creatures by nature. As Morrie said, when we were kids, we depended on other people for our needs. When we are old, we need help from other people. But the truth is, in between, we need others too. No man is an island.

For myself, I know that I wouldn’t want to grow old by myself. It is a scary thought. It is indeed more comforting if I have another person to share my life with. I can’t remember who said this, but it was something to the effect of our partner is our witness to our life. He or she is someone who truly knows us and appreciates us. You have to admit that it’s a nice feeling to mean the world to someone, right? And vice versa.

Yes, I admit I spend time looking for opportunities to meet and know other people in the hope that I find that special person. The question is, am I happy being alone? There are advantages to it, like I am not tied to someone else’s schedule and more money to spend on myself. Though there are times when I wished that I had someone special. Fortunately, it is not often and it doesn’t last long.

From my relationships so far, I have learnt to take things slow. I shouldn’t rush into one just because the opportunity is there. It is better to wait for that person, than to settle for whoever that comes along, don’t you think?

This is a quote from one Justin Hamlin, "When life gives you love, embrace it; take it in, make it every part of you, but don't be too hasty, for haste can scare love away. Take it slow and let everything happen as it will. True loves lies in the
future of those who follow this doctrine".

Let’s have a toast for singlehood. Cheers.

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