This is related to the previous post.
Remember I mentioned buying candles from a stall?
The seller looked old at first glance. He looked as if he was one of the many “uncles” who were there, in his 30s. Upon a closer look, I was surprised that I know him. He was J, my first boyfriend back in 2003.
Then I remembered that he is a Buddhist and he was very active in his temple activities in Brickfields. Obviously, he is still active and belongs to the very same temple that organized this Wesak walk.
As my colleague bought the candles from him, I was standing less than two feet away and contemplating whether I should say hi. There were many people who thronged his stall to buy candles. I doubt I have the chance to say more than a few words. And I didn’t even know what those few words would be.
So I didn’t say anything. I observed and realized he was bald. That must be why I almost couldn’t recognize him earlier.
He still hadn’t seen me.
My colleague was done buying and lighting the candles. I was standing there for about five minutes, with his position eleven o’clock from me. I left without saying anything.
By the way, this was the second time I met him this year. The first was two months ago in Midvalley and he didn’t see me either, as he seemed to be in a rush getting somewhere.
I must admit I have completely forgotten about him. And it was a real shock to see him again. Another shock followed. I felt pain, psychologically of course.
Which brought up the question of why.
My relationship with him started off with him falling for A and A not reciprocating. That was how I knew him, through A (Coming Out Part 2). J often called to ask about A and ways to get A to like him. Somehow, he fell for me and vice versa.
As J was in Melaka at the time, we could only talk on the phone. For two weeks it was only phone calls as I was preparing for my professional exam at that time. After my exam, I went to Melaka to see him and even stayed with him for almost a week.
It was a week that revealed many things about him. Things which I couldn’t possibly know over the phone. Even though we shared many common interests, our thinking were just too different and we were incompatible in many ways.
After I came back to KL, the relationship was on a downhill. I met him for another two times. When we can’t meet, I would call but it was very hard to get him as he was very busy with his temple and youth organization activities. He didn’t return calls either. The relationship soon died a natural death.
A close friend has mentioned that it wasn’t even a relationship; it was more like a fling. A one week fling.
As such, what was the pain I felt? I am definitely over him, even though a lot of people say that one will never forget their first boyfriend or girlfriend.
I couldn’t explain either. Maybe seeing him reminded me of my current dating status.
I do realise that I feel lonely, especially after my exams. At Atmosphere, I could barely contain myself from reaching out and touching someone.
Yeah, I know I should get a grip on myself. After all, I did promise that I will choose wisely and take my own time.