Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Me bitter? Nah ...

I called Sam yesterday after he messaged me. Haven’t spoken to him for some time now.

One of the first things he asked me was whether I was seeing anyone. The more important question of how did I do for my exam came much later. Which I think implied how he actually thinks.

Oh, he even queried whether there were any cute guys during my exam. Seriously I don’t see how that is relevant. It was an exam. The exam should and does take precedent over everything else.

Later, he told me he will be taking Japanese classes next month and repeated his question of why didn’t I want to learn Japanese too. He also mentioned there is a really cute guy in his class.

And I thought I was sex obsessive.

For someone who declares that he is going to be celibate for the rest of his life, I find his behaviour contradictory. It even smacks of hypocrisy.

It goes to show that one’s identity is very much influenced by one’s sexuality. You can never run away from who you are.

I have asked whether he is suppressing his sexuality. He replied affirmative and admitted it is hard. He even corrected that it is not suppressing, but renouncing. Consciously going against a trait that is genetically imprinted and inborn, a quality that in no way is wrong or harmful to anyone.

I think I sound a little bitter. After all, he did reject my advances. *blush* Still, I think that a person should be consistent. If one has decided to not do something and openly said so, he has to be true to that.

Perhaps I am bitter. As he did mentioned that he will introduce guys to me. It hasn’t happen till now, except for once. When I asked him when is he going to do that, he claimed that I haven’t introduce anyone to him either. Hello, aren’t you the celibate one?

If he chooses to be celibate and not going to have a romantic relationship, why still seek out gay guys? Shouldn’t he be meeting anyone and everyone and not just gays?

This reminds me of one episode of Survivor: Amazon. It was the first time that the tribes were split based on sex. So there were the all-male and all-female tribes. Midway into the show, the members of the tribes were exchanged with each other. There was one lady who was almost giving up and looked exhausted as she kept complaining about how she felt like going home. That particular lady immediately perked up at the sight of the men approaching the campsite.

One word: sex. Sorry, two words: opposite sex. Or whatever sex(es) that one is attracted to.

Humans are social and sexual creatures. We can’t live without others or people that we are attracted too. Or at least, that applies to almost all of us. Though I am certain there are some who can, and for long periods even, like those who consciously decide to do so and not due to circumstances – priests and widows and widowers.

For most of us mere mortals, we can probably do it for some short periods, like when we are really busy with work and have no time to date. Other times, I think a lot of us singles (and some of those attached?) will think about relationships and finding the other half.

The environment further fuels the thought. For myself, I have a colleague who is getting married next month. On TV, there are shows like Wife Swap, The Bachelor, Outback Jack, For Love or Money, etc which are all about matchmaking and romance-themed. Of course, the actual content and selling point is sex, the rest is all fluff. But you get my point.

Obviously, I should be telling him this. Though somehow, I couldn’t do it on the phone as I was feeling annoyed and irritated. Moreover, it might turn ugly and I was not in the mood to have an argument over the phone.

It will be good if he reads this. Furthermore, he did say that I write better than I speak.

Oh well. I suppose it will have to wait till I meet up with him.

[P/S Sam, if you happen to read this, no offense intended. Do enlighten me and give me your usual logical explanation.]

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