Thursday, May 05, 2005

Coming out (Part 1)

Something really interesting happened yesterday.

I posted my previous blog late afternoon and one of my friends happened to read it a few hours later. After reading it, he felt a sense of frustration and despair. I didn’t know the things I wrote could be so powerful and have such an effect on readers. Somehow, it touched a raw nerve in him.

He wanted to post a reply, but thought the better of it and decided to call me to meet up instead. So he came to my place and we went somewhere nearby for a drink.

Till then, I didn’t know he had read my blog. He confessed to having read it only after the drinks came. At first, I was glad he had read it. Second thought that came to me, was how did he find it, as I have not told him the website. Surely, Google is not that good, is it?

Alas, the truth spilled out.

My friend, K, has been browsing this gay personals website and he came across my personal. That’s how he found my blog. The next obvious question was, what was he doing browsing at that personals website? I could guess where this was heading and I was right.

He has just come out to me. I laughed. I felt happy, with a tinge of irony.

Though truthfully, it was not a surprise. I had suspected for some time, but since he has dated girls before, I thought I was wrong.

And now, here he was telling me. That I was right all along. I listened and this was what he told me.

K has always thought of himself as a bisexual. He thought that he could like a girl and treat her like a girlfriend, even with the feelings of attraction to males. He still thinks so. Oh, he even said he knew he is bisexual since he was six.

His family is conservative and has a traditional mindset. They have said to him (or perhaps a better word is warned) that he better not turn out gay, if not the consequences would be dire. K is not close to his brother. Not surprisingly, it is often that his brother is the one who brings the subject up. He would stir the hornet’s nest by asking K why he doesn’t have a girlfriend and followed by the gay subject.

Previously, K has let the subject pass. But now, his parents’ words seemed to sting. The words hurt. Things are different now as K likes a guy now. His first time of actually liking a guy. K cannot stop thinking of him. He is doubtful of himself, as he has always thought of himself to be independent. He doesn’t need to rely on anyone. He can spend the rest of his life by himself, if need be and he doesn’t need a partner. But he feels differently now. My blog has triggered some insecurities in him. Which is pretty cool actually. It is as if preordained.

In addition, by liking a guy, he felt that he is closing the door to the straight world. His only connection would be severed. This is a painful realization as he doesn’t think that he’s ready. He doesn’t want that door to close either.

I think I am going all over the place. Basically it comes down to one thing. It was time for him to come out of the closet. It is a scary thought to leave the comfort of the closet and step out to the reality of the world. What he needs now is someone to be there to listen.

Well, he made the right choice to come to me. After all, I had been there and done that. ;P

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