Wednesday, January 25, 2006

When is your turn?

On Saturday, it was LPG’s monthly coffee night. It was organized potluck style at Eric's apartment.

Anyway, I have asked CF and Legolas to come along for the coffee nitght. We bought fried rice and fried hokkien mee from Midvalley, as we were there for CF’s haircut.

There was quite a large turn out; more than 30 people in Eric’s apartment. The choice of food was excellent as well. There were pastries, roast duck, chicken, water melon and red bean for dessert, cheese cake, etc.

There were quite a number of familiar faces. A few of my hikemates were there. Someone brought his three year old kid along.

CF being a child-lover (not the Michael Jackson kind, mind you) was playing with him. A lot. Too much actually.

Until the extent that when CF tried to pull himself away, he was dragged by that kid to play some more.

And when I pulled CF towards me, away from the clutches of Chuckie the boy hit me. He actually hit me!

What an attention-whore he is. Hmmph. I suppose I should forgive him as I have CF's attention most of the time.

After everyone has eaten, we got around to discussing how to reply when asked that perennially annoying question to all gay men – when are you getting married? It is Chinese New Year this Sunday and that is when we meet the relatives, whether we like it or not. During CNY, relatives whom you don't meet for the rest of the year suddenly become very concerned about your social life.

The aunties will say this every year “Here’s your ang pau. This is the laaaast time I am giving you.” Obviously, they have to stress that word.

[Only singles and children get ang pau (red packets with money), as a sign of blessing from elders and married couples.]

Someone cheekily said “Why aunty? You won’t be around anymore?”

Of course, one should never ever say that.

Here are some other useful and witty responses, thanks to Rice Paper.

1. I have tried very hard to date a girl I like, but she turned out to be a lesbian. In fact, all the girls I am attracted to all turned out to prefer women.

2. I am still looking for a local girl who is a virgin. Tough luck, cannot find one.

3. Aunty, I am still looking for a girl that is as good as you. Too bad still cannot find one.

4. No money to get married. Can you be my financial sponsor? Perhaps RM500,000 is necessary for a married couple.

5. If I am single, I get money hong-biao (red packets) from relatives. If I am married, I have to give people hong biao. Tell me which makes more economical sense: to be single or to be married. It’s better to receive than to give.

6. Who needs a wife ? I’ve got cable TV.

7. I think of marriage as an institution. I'm not sure I'm ready to be institutionalized.

8. Sorry, I dont take “dead clams”. (I don't get this either.)

9. Singapore government has a plot to get everyone there married and produce babies. We Malaysians don't have to follow what Singaporean authorities say.

10. If our 53 year old uncle gets married, and if our divorced aunt remarries, then I will find a girl to get married.

11. No girl will want a guy that is short and fat like me.

12. Finding a partner is like looking for a parking space. All the lots are either taken or are for the handicapped.

13. (if you are lesbian): I havent met Mr. Right, but I have met Mr. Cheap, Mr. Rude and Mr. Married.

14. (if you are lesbian): All the good men are either taken or gay.

15. A lot of my friends are gay, so I don't meet many women.

16. Well, after all these years I have not met a girl that appeals to me. Do you think I could be gay?

17. I don't want a girl to be my wife, I want her to be my sister.

18. I like women and men, and dont know which to choose. If I choose a woman, my boyfriend will get angry. If I choose a man, my girlfriend will get jealous. So better be single.

19. I keep forgetting to get married. Remind me next year.

20. If you ask me “when is my turn next” (to get married), I will ask you in someone’s funeral when your turn will be next.

For more ideas, check this out.

Fortunately, I don't get asked by relatives a lot, as to them, I am still (relatively) young.

After the gathering, I felt a bit bad as Legolas wasn’t mixing around much. I did make the effort to introduce him to the other people though. After the gathering, he said that he prefers smaller groups. Is it because there is more intimacy then? ;P

Oh well. I will try to arrange for smaller groups the next time.

To my readers who celebrate Chinese New Year, Kong Hei Fatt Choy and Man Shi Yu Yi!

Have a wonderful and prosperous Year of the Fire Dog!

13 comments:

Nugget said...

My granduncle taught me to say this, to my mother's eternal horror: why buy the cow when you can just buy the milk?

hrugaar said...

Like Leggie, I don't get on with large gatherings (anything more than 5 people is too many for me). I don't mingle well, I just find it disorienting with so many people around. It's not so much about intimacy (heh) as about trying to avoid sensory overload.

My usual tactic is either to hide in the kitchen and make myself useful - people come in and see you in ones and twos to chat, much easier to handle - or else I go play with the kids. :o)

R - India said...

Happy new year to ya in advance Derek!

and all the best to come up with more responses for relatives :D

MrBunnyBan said...

Same here really. Don't mingle well in crowds. Out of habit mostly since most of my friends seak in Mandarin in large groups.
-.-
My relatives don't bother me much. My answer's always the same anyway, "Not interested. Too many responsibilities."

Nige said...

Love large groups. But then I'm loud, brash and an attention seeker. So there you go. ;-)

Don't fash yourself over the questions babe. They'll stop in due course! Just think of it as them meaning well and wanting you to be happy.

hehehe

Anonymous said...

Am new, just bumped and found your blog, quite an interesting read...

Happy New Year and Good Luck..., Kong hei to you Derek...

Cheers,

Vincent.

Legolas said...

Derek my dear, I'm alright, I had a fun time, thank you so much for inviting me. It's always good to know more people, well, way too many in this one time. Haha...

Hmm... I think I prefer smaller group because then we can talk more and know each other more, is that considered intimacy? Maybe...

snowdrop said...

happy new year, derek!

p/s: being young just means you have maaaaany more years of being asked the same question...

savante said...

God, the ang pow gauntlet again. I've already gotten the questions online through our family newsletter.

paul

Alex said...

Hahaha... those are very good excuses... might try it out this CNY.
BTW, Happy Chinese New Year to you! Gong Xi Fa Cai!

anthony wong said...

i dont suppose anyone will support just saying 'i am gay' when they ask and effectively putting a stop to all such queries from then on. too simple a solution i guess. haha.

ça va pas la tête said...

gong hei fatt choi

Derek said...

nugget: Oooh, this is a gem. Thanks!


hrugaar: My bad! Shouldn't have brought Leggie to such a large gathering for his first time.

Lesson learnt. ;P


r: Thanks for leaving your first comment. And thanks for the new year wishes. ;P


mrbunnyban: But you're an adult now. Have to start taking heavier responsibilities.


nige: Yeah, I know they want me to be happy. But I already am! LOL


vincent: Thanks for dropping by. You're always welcome back and leave more comments. ;P

Kong Hei Fatt Choy to you too.


legolas: I will introduce you to a smaller group the next time. :P


snowdrop: Hmmph, thanks for the cynicism, snowie.

Heh. Just kidding.

Happy New Year to you too!


savante: You have an online family newsletter?


alex: They are untested. Do let me know the results of your experiment. ;P


anthony wong: We Asians don't give direct answers. Must beat around the bush, as to not offend anybody.


ça va pas la tête: Thanks. Same to you too.