Saturday, January 14, 2006

30 things men learn from porn

I received this in the email yesterday. I am sharing it here because:
1. it goes to show how ridiculous porn action is
2. it makes fun of straight men
3. it is too funny to not share

The source of this list is unknown.

Thirty things porn producers would have us believe...

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding fine.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there are two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients' cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are always clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
and finally...
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Which is why we watch gay porn. No.6 is definitely a no-no, no.24 is not applicable and no.28 is nonsense. ;P

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

gay porn are even stupier. trust me.and you are contradicting with point 26 & 27, where that is the only hole that gay people can satisfy.

MrBunnyBan said...

Wow...more bashing on the intelligence of the average straight guy. Not that I'd argue. :-) (joking)

But, erm, I wouldn't want to start counting the silly things in gay porn either. >.< It's porn, not a freaking Oscar winner. =p

Shigeki said...

i am so surprised that this didn't talk about fake boobs. I was surprised when I found out anal penetration wasn't a gay thing after watching a straight one.

Jay said...

What, you mean you don't wear high heels to bed?!

Oh I had a good giggle here. Thanks for the list!

hrugaar said...

Yeah, I'd noticed no. 17 too.

Then again, seems to me like half the Malaysian male population is gay and blogging, lar! :oD

Musang said...

hahahahahahahk. the list is incredibly funny and i laugh for a good 5 minutes and a half.

LOL.

Yeah no.17 did confuse my mind once and back then i always thought that all men always sports 7 inches(or higher) hardons.

until i went to local gay spa.

a buffet of meat of various sizes.

funny.

Anonymous said...

no. 6 is a no-no?
time to expand your horizons, I'm pretty certain there's that fetish for gays too.

Anonymous said...

I am SO glad that someone has finally blogged on porn and its degrading treatment of women...however i think gay men shouldn't feel that they are above straight men as they are equally just as bad...i mean gay porn parallels straight porn, basically all the same no-plots, rape plots, etc are the same with one exception, this time the victim is a male or young male..i agree even with no 6, there are tons of japanese gay porn out there with less than desirable men fucking young boys or hot looking guys...i think straight porn provides gay men a time to ponder as if they find it disgusting and dumb, how different is gay porn really and how would straight ppl react if they saw what occurs in gay porn??hcpen

Derek said...

anonymous: It's a joke, dude! It's a joke! ;P


mrbunnyban: Yeah, I know gay porn isn't much better. But until someone comes up with a list for gay porn ...


shigeki: Yup darling, straight people do it through the back door too.

And when we do it, suddenly it turns sinful.


jay: You're welcome jay. ;P


hrugaar: Then again, seems to me like half the Malaysian male population is gay and blogging, lar!

It does seem that way, doesn't it? All the cute ones anyway. LOL


bitch: Yup, straight porn can be misleading.

And I am sure reality is much more fun, ain't it, honey? ;P


anonymous: OK. There may be some of us who dig ugly old men.

Just some. But eeeew!


hcpen: I would like to think that in gay porn, both are really enjoying it.

This might sound like popular straight thinking, but I think that in gay porn, the actors don't seem like they are victims and sex objects, unlike women.

Women are more objectified than men. Just look at the number of naked and exposed bare skin of women.