A relationship entails a lot of give and take; compromises. On one hand, one is supposed to accept the other party for who he is - his strengths and weaknesses.
On the other, there are expectations on him, which he might not be able to fulfill.
Is there an equilibrium between the two contrasting aspects? If there isn't and the scale tips towards the latter, is that when a break up happens?
I believe that one should try to please the other as much as he can. Without compromising on one's principles/individuality/wants if possible. Or whenever he can.
For example, if he likes shopping and I don't and he wants me to come along, it's something which I could do and if it makes him happy, I don't see why not.
Not that I am an expert in relationships, but I am still learning as I go along. There are so many things which I don't know about him yet - his expecations, needs, wants, dreams, etc.
But he has been patient with me and letting me make my mistakes and learn from them.
Thank you, dear.
Likewise, sometimes I wish he would grow up a little, do things this way or that or whatever.
Nevertheless I realised that he's still growing. There are things which he has yet to learn and I have to let him learn in time. At his own pace.
I have to learn to be more patient. I don't know how he'll turn out, but essentially, I think he would still be the same. Or even a better version of who is now.
He will change. I will change. Hopefully, with even with all those changes, we'll still love one another.
And I think we will.
CF and I are really quite different people. I know people say opposites attract thing. It sounds nice and all, but in reality, sometimes he really drives me up the wall (and he'll cheekily said that I drive him to the moon).
It's amazing to the both us that we're still together.
Basically what I am saying that we all have expectations. He has his expectations and I have mine on him. But I am willing to change my expectations because it's him. Just as he is trying to do things for me because he knows I'll like it, even though he may not be willing.
The middle path. Tolerance.
Or maybe, it's just because we want our relationship to work and we'll do whatever it takes to make it happen.
I truly want you to be happy. I want us to be happy.
P/S I am writing this on a Saturday evening in the office! Had to come back to finish something due on Monday. Contemplative (and slightly mushy) mood came over, so this is what came out. Not sure whether it's completely coherent though. ;P
15 comments:
yea. i know what you mean. i think i fucked up between me and E.
NO KIDDING ABOUT THE MUSHY PART! *Screams and cries from fluff bunnies attacking me* Back away, my minions! Gah! And I thought I could control myself when it came to fluffy and mushy stuff. Seriously, at least you noted this problem and you are trying to work around it. CF is lucky to have you and vice versa. Continue to contemplate and feel all mushy inside (Ewww!) while you work! Lolz. ;P
expectations drove me out of the previous relationships.
good thing that you post this. it should be pinned in my mind, that relationship is not all about me, another human involve too...
but then again, what if that another human involve is being a cow?
A wise man once told me.
"To love is to empty oneself and enter into the other's world, making all his aspirations, needs and concerns your own, forgetting yourself entirely."
I find it to be very true. Sadly, this was told to me after my breakup...
we are all truly learning about relationships aren't we. Best of luck!
i suppose that kinda explains the book Great Expectations. not that i've ever read it.
ganbatte, or something to that effect!
this blog is definitely turning into colin&kero mush!
You may be just a bit hasty to make an assumption like that anonymous, if that even is your real name! Heh heh... *Sweat* Colin & Kero's blog is one of those badly spelt overly-cutesy blog (had more to say but I'm a nice person). This blog is mushy, I admit, but it is not badly spelt and not overly-cutesy. It has the right amount. At least this blog doesn't say darling every sentence or so. *Shivers*
I agree with silentside... just the right dash of mushy-ness :)
Keep it up Derek. Hugs... have fun in SG...
Vincent
The better word for a relationship to work it's acceptance, not tolerance. Tolerance means something you don't like but have to stand it.
Something I have learned recently.
Take good care Derek :)
Sweet. Romantic. Mushy.
Love it :)
Paul
i.w.a.o: The important thing is to learn from it and not to repeat it.
All the best to you ;-)
silentside: Haha .. you do love this mushy and romantic stuff a lot, don't you? I am sure your future boyfriend would absolutely adore you for that!
harvey: Heh, didn't mean to scare you there. But I hope that never happens! The break up, I mean.
musang: Heh, you must learn to accept the cow! Or eat him!
defiant85: Wow, that's deep. Though I don't entirely agree. Though we are both together and dating, we are still two different individuals.
aj: Best of luck to you too!
qsl: Thanks. ;P
anonymous: Err .... so does it mean you like it or not? XD
silentside: I agree. Colin and Kero is sweet in a different way, kinda like first love thing. Which is interesting and we can use that sort of mushiness once in a while.
You have to admit that they're kinda cute together ;P
vincent: Thanks. I am doing fine over here. Hope you are too.
kit: Heh, I am still trying to accept him for who he is. I don't mean tolerance in that way though.
Thanks for the little reminder there, kit. ;P
savante: Thank, paul dear. ;P
Accept your partner as who he is. He may have certain weaknesses but hey, that's what makes him unique! You might want to change his bad habits but do so with tlc. In time, he'll notice your care. Love him for what he is and not what he's not. That's what a relationship is about. Help each other grow, together. Never take each other for granted. Whenever there's an argument, irregardless of whose fault, be ready to give in- it does wonders. Be his lover and also his friend at the same time. And always, always tell him that you love him. What you wrote on expectations is right. Just sharing my thoughts.
(hey, you can sing this to the tune of the Sunscreen song) :)
I do agree with jayandkay in the previous comments, if you really love someone, accept him in who he is not who he will become. You're in love with him by looking as his current characteristics, am I not right? So why bother try to change him? I do understand that there are some flaws in everyone of us which might makes us feel bad, but hey, look at it from a different point of view, he's trying to become a better person for you and so do you. Give him sometime and yea, patience is needed.
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