Monday, March 20, 2006


Living is a challenge. So many things to juggle, so many people to please (including myself), so many tasks to be done, so many wants to be fulfilled (desire is the cause of suffering). It can be overwhelming at times.

For those who are single, they yearn for a partner. Those who are attached sometimes wish that they are single again. A perfect example of the adage that the grass is always greener on the other side.

But really, each situation has its own set of problems. Singlehood has its own share of problems and so does commitment to another person.

Similarly, getting married to solve the issues that come with homosexuality (pressure from parents and relatives, projecting the image of a successful director with wife and kids) is not unlike jumping from the pan into the fire. It’s not like marriage solves everything – there are marriage related issues too, like how to split the house chores, family planning, in-laws, etc.

What is the worse that can happen in a relationship? Breaking up?

Sometimes ending it is the best thing one can do. Rather than all the silence and awkwardness, the uncomfortable glances and resentful stares.

Sometimes, a romantic relationship is not meant to be. Being friends is the best one can hope for and it would be just as good, if not better, than boyfriends.

I know it is cliché, but I believe this to be true. If you love someone, you want him to be happy. Even if that happiness comes from another person, male or female. One cannot help but be happy as well, though obviously with a tinge of disappointment and hurt.

Realising that nothing lasts forever is probably the most important lesson to remember. Carpe diem. Live in the moment. Live for the moment.

I am sure you have heard the one about shopping for men. It goes like this:

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

Obviously, it's unfair to say that it's just the women who are not satisfied. I think it applies to most of us.

Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with the men, even those on the first floor. There will always be someone better, cuter, wealthier, hunkier, longer, etc. When will it end then? It won’t.

We humans can never be satisfied. As they say, happiness is not about having the things that you want, but wanting the things that you have.

P/S In case any of you are wondering, this post does not represent my relationship with CF. I just want to get all these out of my head.


Anonymous said...

"For those who are single, they yearn for a partner. Those who are attached sometimes wish that they are single again."

"Sometimes, a romantic relationship is not meant to be. Being friends is the best one can hope for and it would be just as good, if not better, than boyfriends."

You just made me cry reading this post. I am in this exact situation with a person that i realy love, and that person really like me too. But it's the fear of losign each other. :(

MrBunnyBan said...

Hmmm. The grass is always greener on the other side, eh?

I've gotta think about this one. Thanks, derr. :)

hrugaar said...

What interests me in the 'shopping for men' story is that none of the signs say that the men will love and adore you (except maybe the romantic ones on the 4th floor, but even that's debatable) which is something I'd certainly look for - screw the job, looks and fatherly disposition, they're secondaries.

Nothing last forever - but then neither do humans (thank the gods!). And some things can last a lifetime with a bit of effort and adaptability. :o)

Jay said...

I thought the fifth floor was going to say '... and they're all gay." That would've been nice :-p

It's good to know that you weren't actually talking about your relationship.

That said, I wonder why these thoughts have suddenly occurred to you.

savante said...

I would have started on the top floor and come down instead :)


jamie said...

Whew, for a moment there you had me wondering. Well, I'm glad all's still fine then.

Holden said...

Agreeing with about humans never satisfied with what they have...

Wish that store is real... I'd bring my credit cards and go wild, ehhehehe... sigh, i am so pathetic...

Derek said...

anonymous: Erm, OK. Sorry about making you cry. It was meant to make you think.

Still, all the best to you. Hope everything works out OK. *hugs*

mrbunnyban: You're welcome. I think that came in handy, in light of your recent post. ;P

hrugaar: Yeah, you have a very valid point. The man loving you back is very important.

Agree totally. ;P

jay: Erm, I just have depressing thoughts, that's all.

savante: How does that help in making the point, Paul? ;P

jamie: Heh. Thanks for the concern ;P

holden: Yeah, if only there was such as store. We can spend the whole day shopping and trying them out. LOL