Wanted: Friend

It was indeed interesting that two persons should mentioned about wanting someone sleeping next to them; waking up to someone and have the comfort of knowing he’s there. Right beside them.

And that it should happened in the circumstance when there was opportunity for sex.

Deep down, I suppose everybody wants that. Not the sex bit. I meant the feeling of security; a sense of belonging to someone and vice-versa.

Something simple, yet difficult to attain.

Why is that so?

Somewhat related to my previous post, I mentioned about types, as in “You’re not my type” and “He’s my type.”

People ask this question all the time, “What’s your type?”

“Someone with broad shoulders.”
“Dark, tall and muscular.”
“No sissy or soft.”

Most of the time, it’s physical-wise. Though they sometimes state personalities also – common ones like caring, kind, generous, be there for him all the time, etc.

From the looks of it, the personalities list seems to be easier to fulfill. How hard could it be to find someone who is caring, kind, generous, funny, etc?

But it’s not enough as there is this thing called chemistry.

Last week, when I was on leave for a couple of days, I went into IRC. Haven’t logged in there for a long time, and I wasn’t expecting it to be any different than before.

But then, there was someone that caught my eye – someone who was looking for phone sex.

So I messaged him.

Let’s call him L. It turned out that he recently broke up with his boyfriend of five years. Couldn’t bring himself to meet people again, hence he decided on looking for phone sex.

We started talking and I got to know more about him, even after I pretended to be not interested in phone sex although I really wanted to have declined the offer of having phone sex.

From what I could gather, he has lost quite a few of his loved ones, for someone my age. His grandparents, whom he was really closed with, passed away. Not soon after, he was ditched by the boyfriend.

I can only imagine what it feels like – people leaving you one by one; the feeling of being unloved and abandoned.


His sentiments, I suppose, are more real than the bouts of down-in-the-dumps that I have occasionally.

I offered to lend an ear to him if he ever needed someone to talk to, as he didn’t seem to know many gay people in KL.

In times of need, a listening ear can be all that one needs. Or a shoulder to cry on.

I am well aware that in the gay community, which seems to exist below the radar to most of society, there is a distinct lack of avenues for people to seek help. Or even to meet other decent people.

When I told this to my colleague, he was skeptical of people who are looking for friends and dismissed it as a ploy.

Well, it’s true the conversation with L started with the intent of phone sex and I believe (and hope) he found something deeper and more meaningful than that.

I am not trying to blow my own trumpet, but it was the natural and right thing for me to do at the time. And still is.

No one should ever feel lonely or friendless. Or feel that he will never love again.

In such predicament, surely some help to bounce back is needed. Furthermore if he is one of us and break-ups are as common as flies in gaydom.

Of course, he has to also come to the realisation of the above and accept it as part and parcel of life.

Anyway, we exchanged phone numbers and I text him once every few days.

After a few texts, there was something he asked which I found curious – whether I choose friends based on looks.

That was the first time I was posed with that question. Even though people say that we can’t choose our family but we can choose our friends, surely that is taking the latter a little too seriously?

Yes, we can and do choose our friends.

At times, we make friends because it’s necessary and we have to, like when we are in a new environment or workplace and we need to adapt. Other times, we are chosen as friends by others.

In addition, there are instances when we make friends unexpectedly, in all sorts of unlikely places and circumstances.

A person whom we met for the very first time could become a life-long friend and on the other hand, someone we meet often could never be accorded the same privilege.

Anyway, I think I am veering of my point.

The whole idea I am getting at is that we all feel lonely sometimes and long for someone special in our lives.

And sometimes, the solution could be as simple as having true friends. Or rather, the comfort of knowing one has true friends to depend on.

To quote that frequently aired ad from the Befrienders - It's your right to have a friend.