Tuesday, October 18, 2005

One happy woman - Part II

This is in relation to a piece of news I posted recently.

I read this in the morning and I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

The fiance of transsexual Jessie Chung, who hit the headlines recently when she spilled the beans abut her sex change operation, has proposed to her at least six times, Sin Chew Daily reported.

Joe Ma Si Jian, an accountat in his 30s who is Chung's business partner, started dating her in 2002.

After failing to to get Chung to marry him, Ma proposed to her in a letter written in his blood last year, the daily said.

Chung was touched and finally agreed to marry him.

More than 800 friends and relatives are expected to attend their wedding in Kuching on November 12.

How sweet of the Joe. Though personally, the part where he wrote a letter in blood is a bit scary. Definitely not my idea of romance.

I know I would be apprehensive (brain shouting "Psycho!") if someone were to do that for me.

But enough about me.

Of course, Jessie has known him since 2002. Taken in a positive light, it demonstrated that he really loves her and is willing to spill blood to get into her heart.

Which tells us quite a lot about him.

For one, he is one an open-minded man. Ninety-nine percent of all men would not even give Jessie a second look once they know she's a transsexual.

The usual reaction of sniggering and making jokes would prevail. In fact, I am somewhat guilty too, not because I make those jokes but for not properly admonishing my friends when they do. All I do is not laugh and say it's not funny.

Clearly, I have made the assumption that Joe is born heterosexual. If he was not, the daily would have mentioned it.

Another thing about him is he rejects conventional practices. He gives conservative gender roles and expectations a bitch slap. A man does not necessarily must have a male brain and a female, female brain. And that person is no different from any other human being on Earth; he or she deserves as much respect, dignity and love from all.

Last but not least, he looks deeper beyond appearances. He focuses on what really matters – which is the inside. One can be open-minded about something – merely tolerating or indifferent – but to get to know a person for who he is, that’s something.

I can be nonchalant about some really thick-skulled people who say things like if someone is “naturally-inclined” to be homosexual and we have to accept homosexuality, and thus someone who is “naturally-inclined” to rape acceptable too.

If that person continues to think that way, I would not even bother to get to know him better. He might have a heart of gold and be the most generous person on Earth; unless his positive traits shine through, I wouldn’t dig deeper to know him. Everything, including stupidity, can be overlooked if he was extremely cute with a swimmer-like body.

Very often, we only get to know someone better if he is our “type”. A combination of that off-the-cuff, instant judgment thing called physical attraction and that difficult-to-define and hard-to-grasp thing called chemistry.

I am not saying it’s bad, but it does exclude a lot of people from being one’s friends. Hence, we might miss those who are beautiful inside but no so on the outside, to be our friends.

Though admittedly, it is tiring to know every Tom, Dick and Harry, without some mental checklist of exclusion. Not everybody can be our friends and we can’t possibly get along with everyone.

For myself, I usually don’t dismiss someone just because he’s not my type. I would probably get to know and understand him a little bit more. Then only discard him if his personality is as sparkling as sparkling juice.

Even though marriage does not equate living happily ever after, but for Jessie, getting to the altar is already a cause for celebration. Especially in a patriarchal society.

I wish them all the best and hope they do live happily ever after.


Kit said...

That's reminded me a transsexual finally got a marriage with a men officially in China quite sometime ago. Though different reactions from the people around them, they managed to overcome the bias and live as what they want to be.

Sometime, I think transsexuals are more brave than us, as they cannot hide thier sexuality whereas we can.

I'm so happy recognised you for the first time finally, although we went for previous outing before. Btw, I almost 'digested' your blogs, lot's of thinkings in my mind.

Haha...share with you in next meet up soon :).

Chris said...

Hmm... I've never looked down on tansexual... although I must say I'm truly intrigued on how they would lead their life and all! :)

Legolas said...

The fiance is definitely not an average person. He's got guts. And the same goes to Jessie as well. The sex-change operation is a difficult process, with higher possibility of failure. She's really brave to attempt that and fortunately, everything goes well for her.

Their future might not be easy, but both of them will do fine because of the courage they have.

weeshiong said...

The scary thing is they didn't say whose blood that was!

Derek said...

kit: Oh yes, I agree with you about transsexuals being braver and tougher. They are openly the butt of jokes and discrimination.

Sure, do share your thoughts the next time we meet up.

chris: Chris honey, I am sure we are all intrigued. Perhaps I can ask Kit to tell us ... ;P

legolas: Yup, they have guts alright. Love is a really powerful thing.

weeshiong: Must be his blood lar. Have to show sincerity mar.

You think its some animal's blood is it?

Kit said...

Her story appeared on Astro AEC quite sometime ago, but I never watch before. About the blood thing ah...a bit dramatic right? :p

Ahem...I knew some transsexual friends at PT, I think they have much more stories to tell :)

Espion said...

I hold the view that all of Nature is a message, ie it points to a truth in another realm, mainly the spiritual realm. In other words it is analogical. Now there is no necessity that analogical reasoning is valid, but it is. That in itself tells us yet something else.

But for the moment, what do transsexual speak to us? I say it says that gender and sexuality are two different matter. Roughly one is merely physical but the other is spiritual. The latter paradoxically is the more real.

And that leads to the 'chemisty' thingy. We often say we cannot define this chemisty, but on the ohter hand we seem to have an 'exclusion list' as to what is not our 'type', and this list is essentially physical attributes, like age, form factor (ie fat or slim), and of course looks and bod.

But if say 'chemistry' is undefinable then why are we excluding people based on defined physical attributes?

I think this in part is the confusion between physical sex and spiritual sexuality. We seek the latter, in our heart of hearts, unknowingly and unacknowledged perhaps, but we see, feel, touch, taste and insert only the physical, which is immediate, tangible and overwhelms our senses, including our ability to think; and we get deluded and lured away from the genuine thing. But like a mirage, that proverbial oasis is never found and we are always thirsty, hence the promiscuity, of gays as well as straights.

So Derek may missed his life's mate who happens to be in a body of 40 years old and certainly with no swim bod, if he continues with his 'checklist' and meet only people of his 'type'.

But not a few will say they rather not have a life's mate if it comes in such a package.

And thats how complete and effective sex have usurped sexuality.

AJ said...

what a touching story. never herd of it before this but it does put hope into my stone cold heart...

I just hope she invites all her tranny sisters to the wedding!!