Tuesday, February 13, 2007

No gaiety in family

The letter below is taken from the Sunday Star.

Isn't sweet that they're together for 5 years already? By most gays' standards, that would be like an eternity. My own relationships, none has lasted more than a year.

But of course, there are exceptions. There are those who have been together 20 or 30 years.

And of course, most of us would like to have someone to love and be loved for life.

Notice how the introduction go. Why must be introduce himself by saying he is straight-acting? Why no one ever says they're gay-acting?

Oh wait, the couple is still very much in the closet.

Which is why I think that Thelma's advice is very reasonable and wise. He should meet more people and expand his social network, built up more confidence so that he can learn about himself and the world better.

The two of them is so deep in the closet, judging by the letter!

Read from somewhere, if you want to stay in the closet, make sure it's comfy and don't complain it's dark. Or something to that effect.

Still, I wish the author and his boyfriend all the best. In the relationship and his studies.

To all those couples out there, may you be happy and together as long as possible. To all those singles, please do not be desperate. Good things come to those who wait.

May the Year of the Fire Piggy brings lot of love luck!


I AM a very straight-looking 20-year-old guy. Many of my friends say I am good looking. Ever since I was a young boy, I've been gay. I just love older guys.

My boyfriend M, who is double my age, loves and cares for me very much and I know he is a good guy.

We met through the Internet and have known each other for five years. I even furthered my studies away from my hometown to be with him.

We are a loving couple who love the simple things in life. We do not go to pubs and keep to a small circle of friends. We do not have any gay friends and are two straight-looking men.

My biggest problem now is my family.

My siblings are dead set against our relationship, especially my eldest sister who has even threatened to harm my boyfriend. Even my mum does not want to understand me. Only one of my elder sisters is understanding and she knows I am still seeing M.

I am “grounded” and not allowed to see M or go out with him. I am forced to return all his gifts. I am brainwashed to change, to be “normal”.

They even put the whole blame on M, accusing him of influencing me to be gay. I have tried to explain to them that I was the one who started it all and wooed M.

M is a professional and I know him well. His family knows me and does not mind me seeing him.

My own family is forcing me to go straight and to date girls. I was given two months to change. Otherwise, my family will disown me!

What my family does not know is that I am still seeing M. M and I love each other very much.

We plan to migrate when I am older. When I was studying abroad, M took care of me. He has advised me to be strong and patient, and to remain faithful to my family.

Only when I am older and mature, I think, will they finally give up or understand that this is not simply another phase of my life that is forced upon me.

What I do not understand is why people are so discriminating towards gays.

Why does my family put so much pressure on me?

Why do they go so far as to threaten to disown me?

Forcing me to do things that I dislike will only make me suffer for the rest of my life.

To Be Or Not To Be

M is right. Be patient and do not put so much pressure on yourself. Understand that it is very difficult for loved ones to accept that you are different.

Know that they truly want the best for you so do not resent their interference. Accept that it will take time before they can come to terms with your sexual orientation.

Do not force yourself to date girls or try too hard to appear “normal”. You will soon hate yourself for betraying your love and feelings.

Tell your family that you would prefer to concentrate on your studies than get involved in any relationships for now. Prove that you are focused and capable of planning your career and future.

At the same time, there is no harm in building up a network of friends, female and male. You do not have to be alone if you are not with M.

Enjoying a simple life is fine. But isolating yourself from life is not the best way to live.

Do not be so bitter and angry with your family. You are still young and your family must honestly feel that you have yet to know your heart and mind.

You were only 15 when you met M. While you believe that you know what you are doing, you have grown from teenager to young adulthood under his influence.

It may be good for you to be away from him for some time so that you get to understand yourself and your needs better.

Know the world outside your tiny sphere. But be warned that you should not indulge in multi-partner sexual experiences.

Think of HIV/AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Think of a wasted life trashed by empty sex without love.

You are only 20. Give yourself the chance to flex your wings and relish all that youth can offer.

There is time for love. There will always be forgiveness from loved ones. You lead your life. Do it without regrets, resentment or guilt.


thompsonboy said...

"I AM a very straight-looking 20-year-old guy"

BAH! ROLLEYES. Sounded like a personal ad

Dennis said...

Families are usually straight with possibly no experience with homosexuality - of course it will be feared and shunned. But time should fix/reverse that.

I keep thinking of the Ben Fold's song where he says, "Time takes time too, you know."

William said...

"I am good-looking and active in sports. Many girls are interested...".

Oh well.

PS: Periodically checking the articles to make sure that the subject matter is not about...? Haha

Jon said...

Sometimes, only those who have come across disapproved relationships understand gay guys. Those who are in interracial marriage, those of different classes, those from different age groups and more. They understand what it is like to have their relationship become an issue. Sigh. It's Valentine. Let's think happy thoughts.

Happy Valentine.

quicksilverlining said...

read this in the papers too. seems like it's not such a happy family, no?

again, given that in the sheer majority of families, the commanding members are most obviously straight, and that people in general are fearful and abbhorent of the unknown or the "deviationist" types, it's quite understood that they'd generally be against the whole idea.

the best way to never be disappointed in life is to not expect too much out of people.

Prince of Darkness said...

Man this is sad...