Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Till we meet again, farewell for now

I was back in KL last Friday to see CF for the last time before he leaves. I would have preferred to meet him closer to his departure date, but that would be difficult as his family would want to spend time with him as well.

We watched Pirates of the Caribbean at One Utama. Two thumbs up for the movie.

Although I kinda forgot some of the things which happened in the first one, it was still an enjoyable pirates adventure with Captain Jack Sparrow.

Even though the second part of a trilogy is usually more like a filler and somewhat a teaser to the finale, Pirates managed to hold its own and it is all thanks to Johnny Depp.

I think it would be the biggest blockbuster movie for the year. Can’t wait for the finale next year, which will have Chow Yuen Fatt as a ruthless pirate and apparently Singapore would be featured more prominently than just the two mentions of the word Singapore in this one. LOL

They were so proud of it that it this little titbit was published in the newspapers.

Knowing CF would not understand the underlying sentiment, I still said anyway - let’s catch the Pirates 3 next year, when I go visit you in Vancouver.

After the movie, we shopped around for a while, as we wait for the rest of his high school friends to come. The farewell for CF was to be at Shogun, the Japanese buffet restaurant.

There were six of his friends, all guys and four of them knew about us. We all had quite a lot of fun eating, chatting, laughing, etc. I usually get along well with people younger than myself, so it wasn’t that difficult to join in the conversations.

Besides, I have met a few of them before.

Now, as far as I know, the rest are all straight. So what is it with straight people who try to act all gay and lovey-dovey and huggy amongst themselves? Though it was quite funny to watch, it was ironic for me as I can’t do that because as much as I want to, CF is extremely self-conscious in public and he doesn’t allow me to.

I am quite affectionate, even in public. CF used to let me hold him in public, but he doesn’t any more, for reasons best known to himself. Or not.

Later I found out that his friends have quite a good impression of me, which I was glad.


The next day, I was supposed to meet him for a very short while, as he had to attend a friend’s birthday celebration. We met at two in the afternoon and he left at half past three.

I had wanted to meet a friend of mine, RH, which I haven’t seen in a long time. She was quite excited that CF was coming along.

But then as it turned out, traffic was terrible and it was difficult to look for a parking space for all three of us, so RH only got to get acquainted with CF for thirty minutes.

RH started to tell me about the updates in her life. She is close to a former classmate of mine, who said that he would not send his sons to all-boys school as he didn’t want them to be gay.

I was like, WTF?

RH said she then asked him whether he knew anyone who was gay or perhaps, he had some gay tendencies while in high school.

Of course he said no (he’s straight, by the way), but then he specifically stated that I gave out good luck cards or something like that to everyone in my class.

First of all, I don’t remember to such a thing. Or maybe I did. But more importantly, what the hell is wrong with giving personalized messages to everyone?

This got CF laughing and trying to stifle his laughter. Not sure whether he choked on his salad or not though …..

Anyway, CF left not long after.

Before I could say anything, RH asked “Why do you go out about him?”

As I was about to answer, I realized her implied meaning. So I shot back, “You mean I could do better?”

“Yeah, he’s so mean to you. He treats you like shit. Not wanting you to visit him in Vancouver, taking you for granted, not letting go to church with him …. “

As it is, anyone who doesn’t know either of us and sees us in public, would know through observation that I love him very much and CF, to quote RH, “treats me like shit”.

The thing is, RH is a good character reader, being a woman and mature and all.

In this case though, I have known CF for the whole of seven months and I believe, or at least would like to believe that I understand CF better than she does.

True, CF is mean. He is mean to the people who love and care for him. In fact, he treats his friend better than he does towards me.

His rationale? Friends don’t understand if he were to treat them not so nicely, whereas his loved ones are supposed to understand him and his actions better, even his flaws, thus allowing him to be himself.

Twisted logic it may be, but that’s CF for you and me.

About him not wanting me to go to church with him, his logic is that his friends which are much younger than me (they are eighteen) don’t feel comfortable with me around. I am not as “crazy” as they are and there would be some awkwardness if I were present.

Yeah, this is somewhat related to the other point, about taking care of his friends’ feelings more than mine.

I told her all these. I know deep down he loves me ... but it's far too deep to surface LOL

CF is, at the moment, incapable of fully expressing his affection towards me. Not that he ever did.

And his reason is because of a fight that we had in early June. He still hasn’t gotten over it.

Granted it was almost entirely my fault … but then CF is a sensitive and emotional soul and he needs his time to heal.

In fact, this whole post seems to be pointing out all the bad things about CF.

But really, he's a sweet dear.

Which brings me to my main point (finally)!

I realized I am not perfect either. He is still young and inexperienced. His environment has not made him a wiser person as yet.

Though sometimes, he can be wise in his own ways.

This is my first serious relationship. I know it is hard work to maintain but I am willing to stick by it till it is not possible anymore.

I gave him a book of pictures of us and our memories together thus far. Let's look forward to creating more memories together ...


dreamer said...

my odyssey

FamezGAY said...

oh sweet :)

icydefunct said...

true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder... =P
even greatest people of the world have their flaws, none are perfect... we look into imperfection as perfection of one... hehehe... and by true love, can you overlook all that and rejoice in his company... all the best Derek! ^^
believing is seeing! believe in the relationship, in him and yourself, and it can go very far...(that's the motto for my class... hahaha, applying it into daily life...=P )

defiant85 said...


Reading this entry nearly made me cry for some reason... No worries mate. Loving each other is the most important thing and trust too.

Jay said...

Sometimes I'm really quite horrible to NM. I guess it's because I know I can get away with it.

I wouldn't let someone sulk for two months though. No way.

savante said...

Aww... so sweet!


MrBunnyBan said...

Mrrrr...left already. I forgot to send him my address to send the cds. :(

Relationships seem so tough. Makes me worried. Haiz.

Prince of Darkness said...

There is nothing easy in this world dude... if everything comes easily, do you think that you will appreciate it?

yw[2k] said...

Hang on and never let go :)

Apollo David said...

this post almost make me cry de. really hard time when both of you in the different place. i know how you felt coz i'm facing the same situation when my baby stay at campus but i'm at kl. but different is he cannot always come back. but the most important question for u and your love one is : are there got trust and true love in between your relationship? if answer is yes then for both of you then sure no problem.
take same time for you to control your emotion and feeling.

take strong in your relationship.

executorlouis said...

That was a very honest and soulsearching entry. Though we can't deny that things do change after one year, i think you guys will come out stronger from the experience. All the best to you and CF! :)

Derek said...

famezgay: Thanks ;P

icydefunct: Thanks for the support. And I think that's a great motto you have. ;P

defiant: Thanks sweetie. We try our best. And I am sure you do too ....

jay: Sigh, I didn't know I can be THAT patient too LOL

savante: Thanks, Paul dearie!

mrbunnyaban: No relationship is easy, bunnyban. Unless we're all perfect.

prince of darkness: Yeah, very true indeed.

yw[2k]: I try my best. Thanks. ;P

apollo david: Yeah, we do trust and love each other. Though sometimes I wonder, is love ultimately the answer?

Thanks for the support ;P

louis: Thanks. Many things can happen in one year ...

Rad said...

Aa..don't worry about it. I know a friend who's also really mean to people he's close with (including me). So we're mean to each other, but we can share stuffs with each other (except me being gay, I don't think he can take that) ;)

Anyway, all the best to you and CF.

jayandkay said...

Look forward to Pirates 3 next year, in Vancouver! *hugs*

Spot said...

I like how you didn't get resentfully defensive at your friend's comments and instead considered her points. It takes a lot of maturity.

Reasons are always easy to come up with. As to how reasonable they are...the heart often works harder than the mind to convince.

All I can say is this. Don't under-estimate an impartial woman's perspective and insight.

Will said...

Regardless of anything else, I don't think you deserve to be treated like shit, especially by the person whose actions will affect you the most. If you think she accurately described what's going on then I feel bad for you because you are missing out on a lot of the joy that should come from a relationship.