Monday, June 26, 2006

The meaning of love Part II

I used to think that there exists "The One" for me. Someone out there who is perfectly compatible with me, our characteristics match and where my weakness is his strength.

Statistically, there should be such a person. Assume half the world population is male (3 billion). Further assume that 4% of that are gay (not 10%, which most people tend to wrongly quote from the Kinsey report), which means 120 million people.

Thus, the chances of me finding him is 1 in 120 million. Which is almost equivalent to a big fat zero. Also, there are so many variables, like he should be born geographically near me and not in an Eskimo tribe, he ought to be born in the same generation as I am and not 50 years earlier or later, etc.

Not to be cynical, but being practical, the way to solve this would be to make someone the one. This is something we can do, we can control, and not leave it in the hands of fate or coincidence.

As such, when Harvey asked me whether I am sure about my feelings for CF, I could only say, "I am happy when I am with him now. I love him and want to make him happy. The only thing that I am sure is my feelings for him NOW."

I believe in making the person I am in a relationship is, "The One".

Before that, he enquired about my first love. Which, even though I have had two relationships, I wouldn't call them relationships now, as they weren't what I would call as such in my definition. Or even love.

As I said earlier, I was probably in love with the notion of love itself. I wanted everything about love which I have seen in movies - stuttering words, weak knees, electrifying gaze and 200 heartbeats per minute.

Don't mean to disappoint you guys who still have that idea, but in reality, it was never like that for me.

Or maybe it's just me.

Harvey was a little erm ... persistent with his questioning. "How can you not be sure? Previously, you weren't sure with your earlier relationships, but even the current one you aren't sure?"

Nothing is certain. Only the present is.

I would like to have more certainty too, but CF is going to Canada for at least three years. Three years is a long time.

Though I must admit that Harvey's sister's experience with long-term relationship, whereby they managed to stay together after three years apart, was encouraging.

If CF were to have finished his degree currently, I could be fairly more certain of us and our future.

Not that I don't have faith in us or him, but in this case, I think only time can tell.

In addition, CF shares the same opinion. The present is the only certainty. Of course, he really hopes that we will still be together after he graduates.

And so do I.


quicksilverlining said...

yes. bless you both.

senaiboy said...

wish u two all the best =)

Babymic said...

Someone just told me...Forget the past, forget the future, just live in the present. Because its Now that matters.

Its not easy, but for me, its a start.

I am sure you will do fine =)

The only certain thing is uncertainty. I agree.

famezgay said...

well maturity n trust is the most important factor here.. last time my sister n her husband separate for 2 years (one in US one in SG) but still their relationship is still as good as ever.. Now they married! So wish u all the best yah!

Espion said...

The improbable is not the impossible.

The chances of wining lottery is also a 1-in-a-many-million thing, but there are always winners in lotteries.

There is only so much statistics can tell us. It cannot tell us what will or will not happen, but only their "probabilities", whatever that means.

You know if you throw a coin 100 times, the likelihood of you getting a 100 heads in a row is practically non existent.

But suppose one day you do indeed get it, how then do you feel?

Now when improbable things happen to us, we instinctively do not think that it was due to pure randomness or chance. The instuitive thing is to feel that it was "arranged" for you.

Now is that a rational feeling?

At the least we CANNOT dismiss the HYPOTHESIS that indeed it is not a random thing.

We may not be able to discern the mechanics of how it happened or whether there is an "invisible hand" arranging things for you, but from the prima facie evidence, there is nothing to say that the improbable is all due to just "chance".

And then there is the hypothesis that there is God, and God is love itself. So when love happens, when "The One" appears, it was indeed aranged by God, or that love can only happens if there is God.

But of course it is an impossibility - probability equals absolutely and certainly zero - to bridge from our experiences, our rationality and from the evidences and testimonies of others, to make that leap that there is indeed God.

Harvey said...

Sigh, I've never been in a relationship and I'm not even sure what u should be sure about. I realized that I'm not in the position to give you advice. Love, is indeed a very complicated matter. I'm glad that you're having a stable relationship. Yes, long term relationship can work as long as you keep in touch with each other. My parents were once seperated for a year or two(Mom in UK and Dad in M'sia) but it was this period that they exchanged letters with each other and their love blossoms. I'm sure CF and you will do well too. Good luck and all the best.

MrBunnyBan said...

Hey, you know we're all cheering for you two. :)

Anonymous said...


- Vincent :)

Jushie said...

Oh, and where did you get your 4% from? But I do agree that the Kinsey report over-estimated the figure. But then again, if you go to Singapore, about every other person is gay. Just go to Orchard on the weekends and you'll see :)

Will said...

You've definitely got some challenges ahead of you, but all relationships do in one form or another. Try to just let things happen and develop as they will without forcing them. No one knows your feelings better than you, so trust them.

Musang said...

of course you both will stay together for a very long time.

provided that brad pitt will not walks in and steal you away from CF that is.

just kidding, :)

cheers for both of you!!

Derek said...

qsl, senaiboy, babymic: Thanks a lot. You guys are really supportive.

ceusm: Yeah, LDR can work. I hope mine works too. ;P

espion: Erm, you lost me there.

harvey: Well, you have seen LDRs work. Hopefully, you get to see mine.

mrbunnyban, vincent: Yay CF and me! Thanks! LOL

jushie: Actually, it's from the Kinsey report too. To quote "4% of white males had been exclusively homosexual after the onset of adolescence up to the time of their interviews".

The 10% came from those who were predominantly homosexual between 16 and 55.

will: Wise words indeed. Thanks ;P

musang: Thanks musang dear.