I used to think that there exists "The One" for me. Someone out there who is perfectly compatible with me, our characteristics match and where my weakness is his strength.
Statistically, there should be such a person. Assume half the world population is male (3 billion). Further assume that 4% of that are gay (not 10%, which most people tend to wrongly quote from the Kinsey report), which means 120 million people.
Thus, the chances of me finding him is 1 in 120 million. Which is almost equivalent to a big fat zero. Also, there are so many variables, like he should be born geographically near me and not in an Eskimo tribe, he ought to be born in the same generation as I am and not 50 years earlier or later, etc.
Not to be cynical, but being practical, the way to solve this would be to make someone the one. This is something we can do, we can control, and not leave it in the hands of fate or coincidence.
As such, when Harvey asked me whether I am sure about my feelings for CF, I could only say, "I am happy when I am with him now. I love him and want to make him happy. The only thing that I am sure is my feelings for him NOW."
I believe in making the person I am in a relationship is, "The One".
Before that, he enquired about my first love. Which, even though I have had two relationships, I wouldn't call them relationships now, as they weren't what I would call as such in my definition. Or even love.
As I said earlier, I was probably in love with the notion of love itself. I wanted everything about love which I have seen in movies - stuttering words, weak knees, electrifying gaze and 200 heartbeats per minute.
Don't mean to disappoint you guys who still have that idea, but in reality, it was never like that for me.
Or maybe it's just me.
Harvey was a little erm ... persistent with his questioning. "How can you not be sure? Previously, you weren't sure with your earlier relationships, but even the current one you aren't sure?"
Nothing is certain. Only the present is.
I would like to have more certainty too, but CF is going to Canada for at least three years. Three years is a long time.
Though I must admit that Harvey's sister's experience with long-term relationship, whereby they managed to stay together after three years apart, was encouraging.
If CF were to have finished his degree currently, I could be fairly more certain of us and our future.
Not that I don't have faith in us or him, but in this case, I think only time can tell.
In addition, CF shares the same opinion. The present is the only certainty. Of course, he really hopes that we will still be together after he graduates.
And so do I.