Monday, June 19, 2006

The meaning of love Part I

Most people would say that love is a feeling. But feeling changes, it’s ephemeral. One day I can be really happy and up-and-about and the next I could have wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

The feeling of love makes me feel like doing mushy and romantic stuff. Nevertheless, the act of love or a loving gesture, even without the feeling of love, can induce the loving feeling.

Geddit?

For example, even when I am feeling upset, I would still show concern and care for my partner. I would still hug him, touch him, ask how his day was, even when I don’t feel like talking or am too tired.

Without realizing it, the feeling of love would come. Which explains why love can be nurtured. And also arranged marriages.

Not that I am a proponent of the latter.

I am one who is expressive and don’t see the point of keeping my feelings in a bottle. We’re humans after all and we’re creatures of emotions, not a piece of brick. Obviously, this would mean that people can read my emotions well, especially if I like someone a lot.

Call me a romantic or what, but I do believe that love can makes me want to do great things, impossible things, silly things. It energises me and gives me strength. Listening to my partner’s voice makes me feel good and warm inside. It elicits the desire to make him happy and contented always.

This is my style of love. I believe in living and loving passionately. Which of course would entail painful heartbreaks as well if things don’t work out. I realized it’s a little reckless, but still ….

I trust him completely. Someone said that love is like giving one’s heart to another and trusting that he won’t break it.

For me, I don’t see the point of loving another if I still want to hold back a part of myself.

True, it may be wiser to hold back something, just in case the other person does break my heart, to lessen the pain if it were to happen, but then, isn’t life about living fully?

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

A marriage without conflicts is almost as inconceivable as a nation without crises. - Andre' Maurois

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. – Tolstoy

Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I should lower my expecations, for the sake of us.

P/S Just want to write down my thoughts and feelings. Don't worry, both of us are OK. ;P

14 comments:

MrBunnyBan said...

An elderly man once told me, "The people in the west seek to achieve happiness in their marraige, but our culture is to seek to create happiness in our marraige."

Hmmm.

joshua said...

Love is just, indescribable, unputdownable in words.

FYI, I am still imprisoned in Penang for the next few months. :S

E-mail lalalalala

Anonymous said...

mrbunnyman: how apt... how well put... somehow we gotta change our mindset.

derek: take care aiight... live as it is, it will be a whole lot easier... hugs... to u and C

Popping down sg in 2 weeks time.. so prolly c u there?

Cheers,

Vincent

Jay said...

After 2.5 years together, my loving gestures to NM are more along the lines of throwing him the takeaway menu ("Order dinner!") and handing him potato peeler ("Peel!").

Oh to feel the first flushes of romance again.

tropicalguys said...

Hi Derek

Just sharing with you what i've learnt from a great book...what you have said is actually the "feeling of falling in love", and not love itself. The euphoria stage that a couple is expericing during their intial stage of the relationship is the feeling of falling in love and not love itself. Such feeling is not permanent and will fade away eventually. What keeps a relationship going after that stage is "love" itself.

Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. So, it is to extend your limits and evolve into a larger stage of being, it is self love with love for others, it is with effort and actions, for purpose of spiritual growth.

Cheers
Kent

Anonymous said...

I--
despise
Love.

It weakens one's will
It diminished one's intelligence
It crumbles one's strength

Even a penny left unpicked on the street would have more value than the Oh-Oh-Oh-L'amore.

rgds
shine

ZemieN said...

"The feeling of love makes me feel like doing mushy and romantic stuff. Nevertheless, the act of love or a loving gesture, even without the feeling of love, can induce the loving feeling.

Geddit?"

I think Thich Nhat Hanh puts it in words best, "Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy".

Anonymous said...

The feeling of love varies from person to person. It also evolves in different stages of life. Mental maturity is required to fully develop our notion of love and relationship with relations to the events and the people we experience in life. What you have put down in words is your ideology in romance and relationship. I am sure your partner has his as well. That's when communication becomes important in a relationship.

Btw, just stumble upon your blog and can't stop myself from commenting. Hope you don't mind.

~ Chee Kam

Derek said...

bunnyban: Hmmm, ok. Does it mean that we're doing it the right way?


joshua: Yeah I know. But I still try to ;P


vincent: You have my number, so yeah, can give me a buzz when you're here.


jay: I'm sure you still do feel those romantic feelings, don't you?


kent: Hi Kent. You're the Kent that I know right? ;P Hope you're doing well.

I think I understand what you're trying to say. Thanks for the advice. ;P


shine: Sigh, why must be you so cynical?

For someone who despises love, it's a wonder that you have someone that you love ;P


zemien: Hi Zemien. Very nice analogy. Very aptly put ;P


chee kam: Hi there Chee Kam. Thanks for visiting. You're always welcome to comment.

Yeah, we both know the importance of communication. But sometimes, he's still uncomfortable with opening up.

Musang said...

seriously, i envy you derek... i've been out of love too long and i've totally forgot how does it feel to have someone to love in the end of the day.

omg... i'm so need a boyfriend ASAP.

Babymicrophone@LiveJournal said...

"am one who is expressive and don’t see the point of keeping my feelings in a bottle. "

I love what you wrote and this phrase stuck with me through the day.

Thank you for shedding much light on your thoughts and on what really counts in a rship!

Anyway I enjoyed reading and thanks for stopping by my blog.

YOu write well and I am sure to be reading ur daily bread =)

Derek said...

musang: Good things come to those who wait, musang honey.

So yeah, be patient. ;P


babymicrophone: Hello there. Didn't expect you to visit so soon LOL

Thanks for the compliments. Make me blush only.

I'll be reading your site often too.

jayandkay said...

I couldn't agree more Derek.

...'love can makes me want to do great things, impossible things, silly things. It energises me and gives me strength.'

Happy for you two.

Spot said...

No lah, you don't expect too much. Different ppl got different standards, some lower than others.

You offer a selfless love. CF should realise what a gift that is :)

Whatever the standards though, what matters is the present and that you are enjoying this time with each other. Muaks to you!