Thursday, June 15, 2006

Coming out anniversary

I’ve never been that close to my family. Probably of the wall I have erected around myself about being gay, a part of me which is shielded from them to avoid confrontations and conflict. It’s like living a double life.

It’s still difficult to open up now, not for lack of trying but of habit. Just when I thought that things would improve as she knows of my relationship, I had to move here to Singapore to work.

Last Sunday was the anniversary of my coming out to my Mom. She knows what am I doing now and who am I dating.

That doesn’t mean that she approves though. When I was back in KL over the weekend, there was something that happened between CF and I which made me really unhappy. Mom being Mom, she knew what I was feeling even though I tried to act as normal as I could.

Or maybe I was trying hard enough. I looked distracted most of the time.

She thought that CF and I had broken up or something like that. She consoled me by saying in Chinese “loh tak hei yew fong tak tai”; that I should learn to let go and move on.

Well, that sounded like the right thing to say if I had broken up right? But then she went on to say that why don’t I try dating the opposite sex and who knows, I might have feelings for them.

Not again.

It was a strange coincidence that exactly one year later from my coming out, she should say something like that. I am not saying that I am blaming her for not accepting yet, but I am still hoping that she will soon.

Obviously, she only has my interest at heart and should things in life don't turn out well, I know I have her on my side always.


MrBunnyBan said...

Hey, I hear ya. Just had a talk with my mum too, who's still hanging on to the whole 'you should try girls again' thing. But like you, I know she's sticking with me no matter what. *light hug

Harvey said...

I have a big feeling that my mom would be just like that when I come out to her, maybe her reaction would be worse coz she's known for being a compulsive nag. Sigh, I still don't have the guts to come out to anyone.

executorlouis said...

The consequences would be unthinkable if i even attempted something like that. :)

joshua said...

Mums says the darndest things.

But we love them anyway, right?

And you were so ballsy to tell her upfront. Salute!

I am so happy for you. Plus the fact you are updating more often now!

Kyle said...

mom always thinks about what's best for you in things that she thinks it's right...

famezgay said...

i think all mom think the same thing for their homosexual son... We can't blame them anyway.. Since homosexuals always being treated as abnormality.

Mom always a mom anyway.. She's the one who love us the most but maybe not the right way i guess...

quicksilverlining said...

well, you're pretty much a big biological, financial, and emotional investment. if nothing else, it would make a lot of sense for them to try to maximize returns on investment, right?

Prince of Darkness said...

At least when ur mom knows about it she's still fine...but if my mom were to know about my relationship, guess I will be outta house and gotta live on my own :P

I am preparing for the worst scenario of coz. I didn't tell my parents about my relationship but I somehow hinted them to c their reaction. And I get, great rejection. Sigh

Jay said...

I can't believe it's been a year already. I started visiting your blog about that time, you know.

Autumn Moth said...

Whoa! A year!?! It feels like yesterday when I came out to you! (and yup, visiting your blog too) OMG!!! by the way, in case you're wondering, its LH here..

Oh well, you have a cool mom. At least she's not furious about it. I'm sure she'll eventually accept you (and CF). Perhaps, she already did but you know-lar, parents.. they just like to nag~

Derek said...

mrbunnyban: That's parents. Its comforting to know they're there no matter what. *hugs back*

harvey: Take your time la.Maybe after you finished your studies and not staying with them anymore. *hugs*

louis: For someone strong like you and many close friends, I'm sure you'll ave lots of support. But then, things could be worse than expected.

joshua: Thanks. And I'll try to update more often. ;P

kyle: Yeah, that's why sometimes we think they shouldn't interfere so much ;P

ceusm: Not the right way? It's still love though ;P

qsl: What am I? A tangible asset? ;P

prince: Yeah, I should be considered lucky with what I have for my mom's reactions.

jay: Yeah, I remember. I was graciously mentioned on your blog LOL

Thanks for visiting Jay!

moth: One day, I know. But that one day is still a long way off.

Xavier said...

watever it is, at least u are out to ur mum already and that is really precious

Happy "out" Anniversary :p

akihisa said...

I would never consider telling my parents about how I feel towards the same sex. I would not have the courage to do so. But, I did consider telling my sister. I chickened out. You really have guts, Derek. I mean, I'm much too concerned with what other people think of me. And that's what holding me back. *sigh*

yw[2k] said...

Hmm... My mum still frequently reminds me to 'do' the "right" thing and find a girlfriend. And not to mix too much with my gay friends...

I guess gay or not, our mums love us a lot. And ultimately they want us to be happy in our life, with no regrets later on.