I’ve never been that close to my family. Probably of the wall I have erected around myself about being gay, a part of me which is shielded from them to avoid confrontations and conflict. It’s like living a double life.
It’s still difficult to open up now, not for lack of trying but of habit. Just when I thought that things would improve as she knows of my relationship, I had to move here to Singapore to work.
Last Sunday was the anniversary of my coming out to my Mom. She knows what am I doing now and who am I dating.
That doesn’t mean that she approves though. When I was back in KL over the weekend, there was something that happened between CF and I which made me really unhappy. Mom being Mom, she knew what I was feeling even though I tried to act as normal as I could.
Or maybe I was trying hard enough. I looked distracted most of the time.
She thought that CF and I had broken up or something like that. She consoled me by saying in Chinese “loh tak hei yew fong tak tai”; that I should learn to let go and move on.
Well, that sounded like the right thing to say if I had broken up right? But then she went on to say that why don’t I try dating the opposite sex and who knows, I might have feelings for them.
It was a strange coincidence that exactly one year later from my coming out, she should say something like that. I am not saying that I am blaming her for not accepting yet, but I am still hoping that she will soon.
Obviously, she only has my interest at heart and should things in life don't turn out well, I know I have her on my side always.