Mixed feelings

I just tendered my resignation on Friday. The ultimate outcome of me going to Singapore becomes closer.

And I am scared.

I know this day is going to come, but when it did, it was still shocking. It’s like “I am finally leaving!”

On one hand, I am excited. On the other, all I think about is CF.

I texted my friend, HL, in the UK and I asked him to call me. I was feeling terribly depressed yesterday.

Perhaps it’s the impending eventuality - the change in environment, people, work place. I must admit that at this point in time, it feels more overwhelming than exciting.

HL had similar experience with long distance relationship (LDR). Granted, he broke off with his other half before he left for the UK. According to him and the some friends that he knows, LDRs don’t work. It’s the exception rather than the norm when it does work.

Not very encouraging, I know. All he could say was don’t get my hopes too high.

CF lives one day at a time. Which is good and bad. It is appropriate even, due to so many uncertainties at this stage in his life.

Perhaps it is just me. When I was 21, I roughly knew what I was going to do, where I was headed, etc. Though many of that didn’t happen as I planned, I did have a somewhat clear picture in my head.

I am the sort of person who needs to know what will happen and do everything I can to make it happen in my favour.

I realize I have been thinking too much. Which was not the right thing to do. And which is why I drank quite a bit during earlier during the barbeque at a colleague’s house. It was more like a gathering cum farewell for me.

It was fun. I seldom go out with my colleagues socially. Definitely will miss them.