Monday, July 11, 2005

1, 2, 3 .... you're out

After the rant in my previous post, I have something interesting to share.

After everyone has turned up, yup, all five of us, instead of the usual nine, we proceeded to Madam Kwan’s. Four guys (YT, YH, KY and myself) and a gal (and no pizza place).

I know Madam Kwan’s overrated and overpriced, but I have not tried it and since someone else was paying, why not.

We started with the usual pleasantries. Needless to say, the topic of my trip to KK came up. So there I was recounting my climbing experience for the hundredth time. Not that I mind.

As always, conversation would somehow steer into dating territory. YT asked me about my girlfriend.

Some background information. A few months back when I was still going out with YF, oh wait. Actually it was the first time we met and we went to Port Dickson (PD). We spent the first time just the two of us. On the second day, I invited some of my friends to come over. The three of them were there; KY was not.

How do you explain going on a holiday with another guy? I lied of course.

When they arrived on the second day in the afternoon, I cooked up a story about a non-existent girlfriend who left in the morning, after staying for the first night. And that YF was her friend, but he was staying for another day.

So when YT asked about my girlfriend, I said we were no longer together. At the back of mind, I was contemplating of telling him about the truth.

Moreover, the other three have kept quiet because they knew about my sexual orientation. It also became to clear to me that YT didn’t have much choice about not accepting me, as I would have three other people who are. Muahahaha ....

I was thinking of an appropriate moment. I admit I was still hesitant, as I haven’t come out to a friend for a long time. OK, maybe two years is not that long.

After the food was served, and while chewing, I decided there was no better time than the present.

I said to YT (after I have swallowed, of course), you remember the guy who was with us in PD? My friend, YF?

He replied no. Well, not exactly unexpected, as YF was not a female.

‘OK, whatever. Actually, er ... 'my eyes were looking at SZ (the only girl there), ‘I have something to tell you ...'

I was getting nervous. Sigh, even though I have done it more than a dozen times, it still is never easy.

'I never had a girlfriend. I had a boyfriend at the time. It was YF.'

'You had a boyfriend?' he repeated, and quite loudly too. I didn't look around to see who else have heard, so as to appear nonchalant. He was shocked or at least, pretended to be. He skitted closer to SZ and pretended to be disgusted.

Five seconds later, he moved back to his original position.

'I am fine with it. I am not homophobic, just racist.'

Yeah, thank you very much for coming out about your coloured view. But this is about me. I mean, isn't being gay supposedly more sinful and thus, a bigger deal? Hmmph.

He added, ‘So do you like YH? I think YH is gay too, since he hasn’t shown sufficient interest in girls.’ YT was back to his usual playful self again.

Looking at YH, who was sitting across from us, I answered no as I am 100% sure (I have somewhat hit on YH before and then asked about his sexual orientation). Also, he is not my type anyway.

I told him, ‘The reason I told you is I don’t want you to ask me to introduce girls to you anymore. I don’t know that many girls. Of course, I also don’t want to hide it from you anymore. And er ... I have told the rest a long time ago, so you are like, the last one to know.’

‘Never mind. Perhaps you can tell me what kind of guys you like, so that I can introduce some to you?’

Needless to say, he was taking it very well. In fact, too well. If I knew this, I would have told him earlier.

‘You mean you know other gay people? I thought I would be the first ...’

'Yes you are. But who knows, I might know more in the future, right? No harm knowing more gay people ... '

'Er ... right.'

'I am wondering why you like guys. What’s the reason, huh?'

'It’s biological. Just as you like girls, I like guys. You can’t really explain why you like girls either, right? It’s just genetic.'

I left it at that, as the environment wasn’t right for me to explain further.

One person less to masquerade. Indeed, life is good.


wingedman said...

I realy don't know how you can just blurt it out. Well, perhaps if the rest already knew it wouldn't be so hard.

I have to say you have some really cool straight friends.

Holden said...

sometimes it just happens... u feel like telling, u r nervous about the consequences but u did it anyway...

congrats for coming out to another one man! it took guts!

Derek said...

Will: Yeah, I do have some cool friends.

But I didn't blurt it out. It is still hard for me to say those three words 'I am gay', which is why I didn't. I said I had a boyfriend instead.

Holden: Thanks. I felt that the time and environment was right. I mean, I had numbers on my side. LOL.

weeshiong said...

It's pretty cool how you're steamrolling through your outings. You got balls :)

pluboy@takashi said...

haha.. i juz came out to two of my str8 frens..

they're more than cool.. and suspected it "years ago".. lol and i found out what made them suspicious..

of cos i didnt say "i am gay" but i said something else more indirectly like u.. i told them "i have a bf now".. and its all that matters.. i dun have to say anymore and they are very cool people...

i told them i dun seek to be understood.. but they take all the pain and effort into knowing how and wat i was doing, how is it like being gay.. and all that.. :P its great to have this kind of friends.. and noe wat? i knew them for like 11 and 14 years each :P

and the sad thign is.. we dun have much time to enjoy.. as i am leaving the country already...


Jay said...

That's one determined gayboy!

These days it's becoming less and less of an issue for me to come out to my friends - most of the people I socialise with are already gay themselves!

And I just don't see the point of coming out to colleagues.

Derek said...

weeshiong: Thanks. You ain't so bad yourself right?

pluboy: Yeah, the timing of your departure was just unlucky. Still, it's a great feeling to be able to be out to people that you have grown up with.

jay: I seemed to be hanging out with my gay friends more often. They are so much cooler to hang out with ;P