Thursday, March 19, 2009

Different approaches to deal breakers

Love has found its way into two persons I know. I am happy for both of them. One has been searching for some time now and the other is his first ever relationship.

Speaking of the former, she has a very different view on starting a relationship from mine. To me, the getting to know each other and dating stage is the most fun and exciting. Everything is new and fresh. We learn about each other slowly, probably starting from 20% on the first meet and progressing to a higher level of intimacy.

But after two failed relationships, she prefers to go straight to the point. No more starting from zero and progressing from there. It starts from 70% (the most embarrassing details / weakest character / most annoying traits) are shared right at the beginning. Then only they move on to the smaller details.

I was quite shocked that she would do that. But then I remember it is not that much different from those who prefer to have sex first, found out that wow sex was great, then only consider the other person for dating as steps 1-2-3. To some people, sex is the most important thing and that condition has to be satisfied first before moving on to other things.

So to start with the thing that is the deal breaker first is very practical. No point going further ahead who knows how long, possibly weeks and months ahead to find out that the deal breaker really breaks the relationship.

But to me, where is the fun in that? I know that the dating process could be long, it could get tiring if it doesn't work out and we have to start all over again.

There will always be people who don't make the cut for us but they could be perfect to someone else. Different people value different things. It may take twenty wrong guys before the right one is found, but that should not stop us from trying.

Maybe I am just a true believer in love. That even though it may hurt and the search could be long, but I believe that ultimately it is worth it.

I still remember when I first started to meet people from online. I had to repeat the same things about myself over and over to different people. It did feel tedious and pointless sometimes, but I liked the feeling of getting to know more about other people's lives, their likes and dislikes, personalities etc.

It is the journey that matters, not the destination. It is cliche and very Buddhist, but that is how I see it.

It is like shopping. The more you want something, the higher the anticipation. You talk about it, you dream about it, you crave for it very much. It is all part of the journey.

But once you buy the desired item, the feeling changes. You got it and the feeling of satisfaction can only last so long, probably a month at the most.

Of course I am not saying that things go downhill from there. I just feel that it is best to take things as they come; to go with the flow.

Still, to each his or her own. As long as it works. Thus, I sincerely wish both of my friends the best of luck and lots of happiness.


Ban said...

I think it's a pretty pragmatic way to go about it. Not very original, actually. Heard of people doing that before. But I think you should mention the good points as well. :)

Takashi said...


Jaded_Jeremy said...

Your second last paragraph is hanging leh.

What happens if there's time limit? It changes things. You can't have the luxury of repeating the process over and over again. An obvious factor is age.

Leon Koh said...

to each their own.. good luck always