My colleagues whom I am out to, occasionally says that I am in too deep; that I cannot be saved. In the first place, I am not in danger. Secondly, save me from what, I don't know.
Of course, I know they mean well. They meant that I am too gay to turn straight. In too deep to pull out.
But what is so great about being straight anyway? When I was still a wee teen, yeah I would. To fit in and not to be different. But now that I am perfectly comfortable with who I am, I don't really see the point.
I am certain that many will choose to be straight, if given a choice and a 100% conversion rate. I am aware that there are people whose lives would be so much better and improvement in all areas of life if they were straight and be like everyone else.
For me, even if I could, I wouldn't. Not that I chose to be gay in the first place, but since I am, I am fine with that thank you very much.
The reason is because I like being who I am. I am different (I know we are all different, but you know what I mean) and all these years I have looked at the world in a different light. I notice things that straight people usually would not. I have become who I am from years of experiencing things in a way distinct from other people.
Men claim they don't understand woman and woman claim they don't get men. I suppose it makes their lives more interesting spending a lot of time trying to figure out their partners. It is already difficult enough to understand someone as an individual, so taking away the sexual differences helps.
Besides, I don't look at a woman and think of her, "She is female and hence she is expected / probably / supposed to / going to act like this." There is gender roles defined and predetermined. We are just two guys who love each other, Nyk and I. Our roles are fluid and interchangeable.
Perhaps for some people, predefined roles and expectations are comforting. They know what to do and what is expected of them. They don't need to reinvent the wheel. They don't have to start from a blank piece of paper. The map is drawn and one just need to follow the directions.
One other pertinent issue. Sex is important to guys. I would think that it is the same for women too.
If public surveys and opinion were to be believed, three quarters of women have faked an orgasm. Obviously I can't speak for the straight males, but I always believe in reciprocity and mutual gratification.
I definitely would want my partner to feel great and achieve orgasm. And I do know for sure when he does. There's no faking it. For me, this certainty of the male reaction comforts me.
My colleague revealed that she had wanted to pair me with her best friend. This was before she knew about my sexual orientation. She jokingly said why must I turn out to be gay.
But most probably I may not be who I am if I were straight. I may not be sweet and cute, to quote someone (I am flattered). I might turn out to be some male chauvinist, wife beater and foul-mouth straight guy.
As they say, all the good guys are either taken or gay.