Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Time to let go

Never give up too soon, but don’t hold on for too long either. I feel it is time for me to let go of someone. And no, it’s not my ex. I have gotten over him for some time already. We even went out for dinner last Tuesday, at his favourite restaurant, Little Penang in Midvalley. No major negative reaction on my part.

Anyway, going out with him was a bit awkward. I admit that much. There wasn’t as much to talk about. Though he said the reason was most probably he was tired. Throughout the whole time, I kept noticing things about him, which I found annoying. I did find those traits annoying when we were together, but now my tolerance level is lower. The way he walks, the way he gets tired all of a sudden, the way he looks at other guys, all these get to me more than they used to. Since he said he was tired, we cancelled movie plans after the dinner.

Back to the point. The person whom I want to let go is Sam. He was introduced to me by my ex. I have been meeting him about twice a week, and this is the third week. My first impression on him wasn’t so good. He is really kind of annoying, always correcting the things I say, questioning my point of view, being very antagonistic. He really got on my nerves on that first meet in McDonald’s.

On the second meet, he was less annoying. I was feeling a bit down that day and I wanted some physical contact. He was nice enough to let me have that. And that was the very first time he said not to fall in love with him. I was disappointed with that statement, of course. I feel that he is truly different, something special about him. He’s knowledgeable and smart and he loves books (more than guys even, in his own words). Besides, he is also actively involved in his church and youth organisation. Sometimes, I think he is too busy to even have time for himself.

I suppose I was hoping against hope that he would change his mind. I am not sure whether he has been indulging me all this while, as I have been, to a certain extent, been treating him as my boyfriend. He lets me kiss him and hold his hands. Yeah, I know, I am stubborn. But he does seem to be the best boyfriend material I have come across so far, in terms of characteristics and personality. Anyway, I have been calling and messaging him daily. He doesn’t seem to mind and is not bothered by my frequent calls. Not just that, he has been really sweet to me (or maybe it’s just not to me alone, I think he is generally nice to everyone). In other words, I think he has been flirting with me, or at least sweet-talking to me. He did remind me another couple of times not to miss him too much and that we shouldn’t be seeing each other so often.

From all these, you can tell that I am pretty confused by his mixed signals. Probably coz he isn’t sure what he wants either. Apparently his last relationship ended late last year. Call me selfish, but I now realize that I shouldn’t be spending time and effort on someone who seems interested, but doesn’t act sufficiently like it. By the way, he feels stressed out every time I asked him something to the effect of whether he has any feelings for me and he avoids answering that. So I think it’s best that I move on and let go.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I dono wheather the SAM you talking is the one who I knew, coz they seems to hv the same characteristics and personality