Barhopping

There were a few friends who were down visiting from KL, namely DH, Alexander and JL. So I met up with them and brought them to this restaurant called Hachitei which is in the CBD area to avoid the weekend dinner crowd.

DH who doesn't drink beer, practically went orgasmic when he found out that the restaurant has this Japanese beer called Suntory. This is the only beer that he drinks. Apparently, it can't be found in KL.

We ordered 3 bottles and I have to agree that it is very nice and smooth.

DH hasn't been to the clubs here and he was quite keen to check out the scene. I haven't been clubbing for a long time and I wasn't too keen on it, but I changed my mind.

We practically did the rounds all in one night, except for Play. We were at 8 Cafe for drinks, followed by Tantric. Tantric wasn't really our thing as it was way too crowded and there were a lot Caucasians. We could barely moved in that place. And I didn't realize that there is quite a number of gay expats over here.

Next up was DYMK. The place is pretty nice and cozy for drinks. My friend was gaga over the straight Laotian waiter. All of them thought that he was quite cute but I thought he was OK. I prefer the other guy behind the bar.

We headed to Taboo next where everyone was already partying. It was only my second time there. The crowd here is mostly on the older side, as in above 20 as opposed to Play. I had an enjoyable time as I had a pretty good buzz in my head. Danced a little, but the music was not really my type. Probably should go when they have their monthly Handbag Party nights (which I learn are Kylie and Madonna kind of music, instead of techno).

The way I see it, yesterday night was more for catching up with some friends and just enjoying myself. DH and I had this mutual friend, whom we probably knew at around the same time 5 years ago. This was indeed a surprising tidbit of information. It just shows how small the gay community is.

Reached home at 4 in the morning and fell into my beauty sleep.

Singapore Science Center

I am still alive thank you very much.

Anyway, I was busy entertaining Nyk when he was around the second week of July, amidst juggling my workload. There were a few reports due during the week he was here, but it all turned out quite well.

We didn't do much outing this time so that he won't complain of walking too much till his feet hurt. We only went to the Singapore Science Center to see the Da Vinci exhibition.

The exhibition was quite interesting. They constructed many of his designs which spanned the fields of physics, mechanics, war machines, flying machines, etc.

There was also the photograph of the Mona Lisa. Apparently, by using current technology, some guy managed to reproduce the original Mona Lisa the moment Leonardo da Vinci finished painting it. They extracted the base paint, sans all the restoration paint work performed over the years.

The original looked so much more vibrant and there are really a lot of details which couldn't be seen in the current state. The current one has aged paint with a yellowish tint, which definitely pales in comparison to the original.

Oh, and da Vinci was most probably gay. He had a relationship with his young apprentice and he was always surrounded by men.

After that we went home and rest for a while before heading the airport. Unfortunately (or was it fortunately), his 7.40pm flight was delayed to midnight. We requested for the next day's flight instead. So we got to spend another night together.

And off he went the next morning.

Homowives

I came across this article. Really quite sad what gay people have to go through to keep others happy. It is a delicate balance and difficult choice between your own happiness and that of others.

All of these are taken from Yawningbread.

For most gay men and lesbians in China, revealing their sexuality to their families is unimaginable. Parents expect their sons and daughters to produce heirs, an obligation that has become even more intense in a society where single-child families are the standard.
-- New York Times, 14 June 2009, Gay festival in China pushes official boundaries

The story also told about cover-up marriages like Huang Jiankun's:
To assuage his parents, he orchestrated a fake wedding to a lesbian friend, but eventually the truth came out. “The problem is when you lie, it becomes connected to another lie and you can’t keep it up,” he said.

There is a blog, in Chinese, about the predicament of wives of gay men.

Below is the translation in English.

Caring about homowife

I attended a forum that discussed the problem of “homowife”. The so-called “Homowife” (tongqi) is the wife (qi) of a homosexual (tongzi). It has been said that China has 20 million male homosexuals, of whom 80 per cent would marry a woman. These women are the “homowives”, and there would be 16 million people.

The homowife phenomenon is a phenomenon characteristic of China, seldom witnessed in other countries. In other countries, homosexuals would remain single or live together or marry other homosexuals. Very few would contract a heterosexual marriage. This difference comes about because Chinese culture places such a great emphasis on marriage and reproduction, as to make them compulsory.

During my visit to Hungary, I found out that only 10 per cent of people of marriageable age got hitched. The rest fell into three categories: single, cohabiting (living together), LAT (lovers who live apart). In this kind of society, homosexuals do not have any need at all to enter into a heterosexual marriage. People would not gossip about them and parents do not apply pressure. Unfortunately our Chinese culture is oppressive with its dictum on men and women having to get married when they reach a certain age and naming the lack of progeny as the most serious breach of filial piety – "there are three kinds of unfilial behaviour and the greatest is have no descendant". It thus forces a community of male homosexuals to marry women to have children.

The situation of the “homowife” is extremely tragic. At the seminar, there were homowives who burst into tears as they spoke, leading all of them to hug each other for a good cry. Most days, they wash their faces with tears. I heard what I considered the most shocking testimony that from a woman who told of how she even doubted her ability to attract men -- why wouldn’t her husband even want to look at her or touch her? Am I really that unworthy as a woman? She assumed that all men would treat her like that, not knowing that this is far from the truth. She did not dream that her husband would be gay. Under the circumstances, even the most beautiful and accomplished woman would not arouse him.

Homowives have started to get organized in an effort to help themselves and help others. They have started a website and a helpline to assist fellow women who have fallen into the same predicament.

Their highest priority is to prevent women from marrying homosexuals, help those who suspect the sexual orientation of their boyfriends to analyse their situation better; and in the event that the other party is a confirmed homosexual, to persuade the woman not to proceed with the marriage.

Secondly, they would like to extend a helping hand to those women who are already married to homosexuals and who would like a divorce. This includes helping them to make up their minds, relieving the pressure on them and reduce the financial and psychological damage that comes with divorce.

Thirdly, they would like to address the problems of homowives who do not want a divorce for a variety of reasons. This would include helping them to analyse the cost of keeping such a marriage going, how to communicate with their husbands and how to get along with their children.

They proposed a slogan: “Homowife ends with me”. This slogan is full of hurt and also extends concern to those who may follow in their footsteps. The slogan gives one a feeling that it is a noble cause.

I hope the majority of male homosexuals do not enter into heterosexual marriages any more and spare a thought for the feelings of the homowife.