I realise that I pick up on other people's actions, especially those whom I see often. The way they talk, the way they sound, the vocabulary they use, the gestures.
Does this mean that I have no individual style of talking and expression?
Just finished reading this manga called "The Voices of a Distant Star", a lovey-dovey mushy love story that spans across time and space. Something like The Lake House, I suppose, though I didn't watch the movie. Made me go "awwww" and renewed my hope about love again.
Read somewhere that one doesn't have to know another person a lot before beginning a relationship, but just enough to pique one's curiousity to spend time with him to find out more.
Thought for the day: What is Love ?
Love is Accepting
Acceptance is labeling someone as "okay" and having no particular desire to change them. Who they are is perfectly fine with you. You pose no condition on whether you will love them or not. This is call unconditional love. When your love is conditional, the moment they step outside your set of conditions, love evaporates.
Love is Appreciating
Appreciation is one step beyond acceptance. Its when your focus is on what you like about another. We look at them and feel this sweeping appreciation for who they are, their joy, their insights, their humor, their companionship, etc. When someone says they are "in love" with another, they mean their appreciation is so enormous for this person that it consumes their every thought.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Office pornitics
Straight Boss (SB) was talking to another colleague of mine, WS.
SB: Tomorrow I would bring it for you (WS).
Me: What are you bringing for him?
SB: Porn. You want ar?
Me: Haiya, always say only but never bring also. I'll believe it when I see it.
SB: Ok, I would bring. What type of porn you like?
Me: (Shit, what kind of straight porn there is? Are they the same as gay ones?)
Me: Anything la ...
SB: Gay porn you want or not?
Me: (Like yeah! That's the only kind I watch anyway!)
Trying not to snicker at the irony of the situation and putting on my straightest face, I said, "I am very open-minded."
SB: I have watched it before. Eeew ... made me wanna puke.
I kept quiet.
SB: But it's not that bad lar ...
SB turned to another colleague and asked, "SN, you want gay porn or not?"
The conversation ended there as SB's phone was ringing and he went off to answer it.
An observation which I have made is that straight guys seldom, almost never, to openly admit watching straight porn. Or is it just the guys I know?
Gay guys will openly say that they download porn. I have been asked countless times what types of porn I watched and vice versa when I meet people for the first time.
Feel free to comment. ;P
SB: Tomorrow I would bring it for you (WS).
Me: What are you bringing for him?
SB: Porn. You want ar?
Me: Haiya, always say only but never bring also. I'll believe it when I see it.
SB: Ok, I would bring. What type of porn you like?
Me: (Shit, what kind of straight porn there is? Are they the same as gay ones?)
Me: Anything la ...
SB: Gay porn you want or not?
Me: (Like yeah! That's the only kind I watch anyway!)
Trying not to snicker at the irony of the situation and putting on my straightest face, I said, "I am very open-minded."
SB: I have watched it before. Eeew ... made me wanna puke.
I kept quiet.
SB: But it's not that bad lar ...
SB turned to another colleague and asked, "SN, you want gay porn or not?"
The conversation ended there as SB's phone was ringing and he went off to answer it.
An observation which I have made is that straight guys seldom, almost never, to openly admit watching straight porn. Or is it just the guys I know?
Gay guys will openly say that they download porn. I have been asked countless times what types of porn I watched and vice versa when I meet people for the first time.
Feel free to comment. ;P
Sunday, September 24, 2006
The week that was
Been really busy with after-work activities till I have no time for myself, or even to blog.
Monday: Watched The Banquet with my colleague. Visually pleasing, but story and plot are non-existent. The sets were elaborate, but borders on artificial extravagance. And they don't seem very Chinese to me.
Characters were hard to relate to and their actions were difficult to comprehend. No one to ogle at, as Daniel Wu wasn't the main character. ;P His character was weak and seem to lack purpose but merely to move the story along.
Overall, 2.5 out of 5 stars.
Tuesday: A Malaysian friend called up last minute to have dinner. I didn't know where to go, so I asked a colleague and she suggested Pasta Cafe at Takashimaya. Food was OK, nothing great about it. The restaurant serves Italian food, but with a local twist like Sambal Seafood Spaghetti.
The friend, who is also a blogger, shall remain unidentified. I was glad to know him a little better. We've met and spoken twice before, but didn't have much chance to talk. He's a really nice person with a wonderful boyfriend.
I took a picture of the dessert. It looks better than it taste though.
Wednesday: Had lunch at a Thai restaurant near my work place, as I was being adventurous. I ordered the Tom Yam and it was OK. Nothing memorable and definitely not worth the $7. Five dollars maybe.
It doesn't look very apetising, does it?
Thursday: Went for taichi class.
Friday: Watched the most hyped and successful local musical production of the year, Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress.
The set was really good, the main character was excellent, the songs were great. There were betrayal, treachery, humour and drama. The actors and actresses played their roles really well.
It was my first time at the Esplanade Theatre and I must admit it is a really nice hall. It is like the Petronas MPO. Much better than Pentas 2 at KLPac.
I thoroughly enojoyed the musical.
And today, I watched The Host.
Although it is a monster movie, it is not a run-of-the-mill type. There were lots of humour, a little too much for my liking as the situations that the characters were in were serious and life-threatening.
It's a quirky movie; my friend found it strange. It's a movie with lots of heart and drama, about a father's never-ending search for his daughter who was taken away by the monster. Very realistic and gritty.
There is also an underlying theme of the failure of the government to do what it is supposed to do, which is to serve its people. And the obstacles of bureaucracy.
Highly recommended.
Monday: Watched The Banquet with my colleague. Visually pleasing, but story and plot are non-existent. The sets were elaborate, but borders on artificial extravagance. And they don't seem very Chinese to me.
Characters were hard to relate to and their actions were difficult to comprehend. No one to ogle at, as Daniel Wu wasn't the main character. ;P His character was weak and seem to lack purpose but merely to move the story along.
Overall, 2.5 out of 5 stars.
Tuesday: A Malaysian friend called up last minute to have dinner. I didn't know where to go, so I asked a colleague and she suggested Pasta Cafe at Takashimaya. Food was OK, nothing great about it. The restaurant serves Italian food, but with a local twist like Sambal Seafood Spaghetti.
The friend, who is also a blogger, shall remain unidentified. I was glad to know him a little better. We've met and spoken twice before, but didn't have much chance to talk. He's a really nice person with a wonderful boyfriend.
I took a picture of the dessert. It looks better than it taste though.
Wednesday: Had lunch at a Thai restaurant near my work place, as I was being adventurous. I ordered the Tom Yam and it was OK. Nothing memorable and definitely not worth the $7. Five dollars maybe.
It doesn't look very apetising, does it?
Thursday: Went for taichi class.
Friday: Watched the most hyped and successful local musical production of the year, Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress.
The set was really good, the main character was excellent, the songs were great. There were betrayal, treachery, humour and drama. The actors and actresses played their roles really well.
It was my first time at the Esplanade Theatre and I must admit it is a really nice hall. It is like the Petronas MPO. Much better than Pentas 2 at KLPac.
I thoroughly enojoyed the musical.
And today, I watched The Host.
Although it is a monster movie, it is not a run-of-the-mill type. There were lots of humour, a little too much for my liking as the situations that the characters were in were serious and life-threatening.
It's a quirky movie; my friend found it strange. It's a movie with lots of heart and drama, about a father's never-ending search for his daughter who was taken away by the monster. Very realistic and gritty.
There is also an underlying theme of the failure of the government to do what it is supposed to do, which is to serve its people. And the obstacles of bureaucracy.
Highly recommended.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
I am running in the rain ...
Or to be more precise, I was running in the rain this morning. It was for the Terry Fox run. There was one in Kuala Lumpur too and I hope they had clear weather.
I got up at six when the sky was not even light and was quite excited about the whole thing, as it would be my first run in Singapore.
As we were queieng at the bus interchange to get to Sentosa, the island where the run was to be held, there was a light drizzle. It got worse when we arrived there.
Oh, I was there with my colleague WS and his friend, and his friend's friend.
As we alighted from the bus and walked towareds the starting point, I left my colleague and friends and joined another friend, LP, who was waiting with a female friend, under a shelter.
To cut a long story short, I am not thrilled about getting myself wet in the rain. The usual warnings came to mind, like getting ill, slipping on the wet surface and falling. Other downsides appeared too, like I didn't bring a change of clothes, my shoes and socks were going to be wet (which is different from a wet shirt, because the moist feeling around the feet is just ... well, different and I can't possibly walk bare-footed but bare-chested is OK, geddit?)
The race started anyway and WS and his friends ran.
So there I was, wondering what should I do?
On one hand, LP and his friend have decided to not run, unless the rain becomes a drizzle. And it didn't look like that was going to happen anytime soon.
On the other, there were like so many others who ran and it did look kinda fun to run in the rain. I mean, running in the rain has not killed or hurt anybody, right?
Besides, I have never done this before. At least, I don't remember having done it. And it is consistent with my motto of "Do everything once."
So I found myself joining the other runners.
The rain did not let up and at the end of the race, I was completely soaked from head to toe.
That was the first significant thing.
The second was, I managed to complete the race! Not that 9km is a daunting distance or anything like that, but I have only started to run again last month. I have stopped for the eight months, as the scar from the surgery still hurts sometimes.
Traning was like 5 kilometers a week, for the past three weeks.
Even though I walked for the last kilometer because of a cramp in mybutt upper thigh, I still finished the whole thing in slightly more than an hour. It's not excellent timing, but according to WL, it's quite commendable based on the traning I have done.
Yay, so proud!
Now, I just gotta pray that tomorrow I don't fall ill or hobble like I have been fucked.
Last but not least, there were like so many hotties around! I can tell that quite a number are real runners, as in they regularly take part in marathons and triathlons, from the way they run and their slim legs. Runners aren't too muscular and usually tanned (heck, many male specimens here are tanned! LOL), so they were perfect eye-candy all the way from the starting to finishing line.
I thought we were going to have breakfast after the run, but nope, WL and friends wanted to go back home.
On a related note, I bought a pair of shoes yesterday. A pair of New Balance running shoes, which cost SGD146 (RM340). I was just searching online for a picture of it and I came across the price.
The cheapest I saw is USD120, which is about SGD190, from a site that listed the lowest to the highest price available online. Highest is USD135.
Another yay, for the good deal I got!
If I was still working in KL, the shoes would have cost me about 15% of my salary, or more, and that would be the only shopping done for the month.
In case some of you are scoffing at my choice for New Balance instead of Nike or Adidas, there is a very good reason. Singapore is has a lot of people who are into healthy living and exercise, especially running. There are more amenities here for running than in KL.
From what I have heard, the leading running shoes brand are Asics and New Balance. This was confirmed by the shoe salesman too. I was WS yesterday and he bought a pair of Asics running shoes for his upcoming marathon in December.
Running is a very high impact sport, thus getting the right pair of shoes with the right cushioning and stability are important.
Anyway, this is the pair that I bought, the M1222SG, which apparently is a new model with many high-tech features and is selling pretty well.
I am going to wear it the next time I run ;P
As I finished typing this, the rain has just stopped.
I got up at six when the sky was not even light and was quite excited about the whole thing, as it would be my first run in Singapore.
As we were queieng at the bus interchange to get to Sentosa, the island where the run was to be held, there was a light drizzle. It got worse when we arrived there.
Oh, I was there with my colleague WS and his friend, and his friend's friend.
As we alighted from the bus and walked towareds the starting point, I left my colleague and friends and joined another friend, LP, who was waiting with a female friend, under a shelter.
To cut a long story short, I am not thrilled about getting myself wet in the rain. The usual warnings came to mind, like getting ill, slipping on the wet surface and falling. Other downsides appeared too, like I didn't bring a change of clothes, my shoes and socks were going to be wet (which is different from a wet shirt, because the moist feeling around the feet is just ... well, different and I can't possibly walk bare-footed but bare-chested is OK, geddit?)
The race started anyway and WS and his friends ran.
So there I was, wondering what should I do?
On one hand, LP and his friend have decided to not run, unless the rain becomes a drizzle. And it didn't look like that was going to happen anytime soon.
On the other, there were like so many others who ran and it did look kinda fun to run in the rain. I mean, running in the rain has not killed or hurt anybody, right?
Besides, I have never done this before. At least, I don't remember having done it. And it is consistent with my motto of "Do everything once."
So I found myself joining the other runners.
The rain did not let up and at the end of the race, I was completely soaked from head to toe.
That was the first significant thing.
The second was, I managed to complete the race! Not that 9km is a daunting distance or anything like that, but I have only started to run again last month. I have stopped for the eight months, as the scar from the surgery still hurts sometimes.
Traning was like 5 kilometers a week, for the past three weeks.
Even though I walked for the last kilometer because of a cramp in my
Yay, so proud!
Now, I just gotta pray that tomorrow I don't fall ill or hobble like I have been fucked.
Last but not least, there were like so many hotties around! I can tell that quite a number are real runners, as in they regularly take part in marathons and triathlons, from the way they run and their slim legs. Runners aren't too muscular and usually tanned (heck, many male specimens here are tanned! LOL), so they were perfect eye-candy all the way from the starting to finishing line.
I thought we were going to have breakfast after the run, but nope, WL and friends wanted to go back home.
On a related note, I bought a pair of shoes yesterday. A pair of New Balance running shoes, which cost SGD146 (RM340). I was just searching online for a picture of it and I came across the price.
The cheapest I saw is USD120, which is about SGD190, from a site that listed the lowest to the highest price available online. Highest is USD135.
Another yay, for the good deal I got!
If I was still working in KL, the shoes would have cost me about 15% of my salary, or more, and that would be the only shopping done for the month.
In case some of you are scoffing at my choice for New Balance instead of Nike or Adidas, there is a very good reason. Singapore is has a lot of people who are into healthy living and exercise, especially running. There are more amenities here for running than in KL.
From what I have heard, the leading running shoes brand are Asics and New Balance. This was confirmed by the shoe salesman too. I was WS yesterday and he bought a pair of Asics running shoes for his upcoming marathon in December.
Running is a very high impact sport, thus getting the right pair of shoes with the right cushioning and stability are important.
Anyway, this is the pair that I bought, the M1222SG, which apparently is a new model with many high-tech features and is selling pretty well.
I am going to wear it the next time I run ;P
As I finished typing this, the rain has just stopped.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Out in the office
Being out in the workplace is never a good idea. Still, I have always harboured the hope of coming out at work because once a person is out, it's quite difficult to go back into the closet.
But from the looks of it, it can never happen. Or at least, not in my current workplace.
Now,most sometimes I am quite gayish and all, but I am just being me and doing things that are comfortable for myself.
For example, I wear sneakers to work and change into leather shoes when I arrive at the office. It's more comfortable to walk in the former as there is quite a bit of walking to get to work and back.
When someone saw me changing into my leather shoes, the person said "Like a girl only."
Just today, I was chatting with my colleagues and one of them mentioned he wanted to go to Siam Reap, where the Angkor Wat is located. One of them asked me whether I would go as I don't look like the type which can rough it out.
Which reminded me of this incident last year.
Anyway, I said I love to do things I have never done.
"Would you go bungee jump or skydiving?"
"I would like to, even though at the last second, I may be rooted on the platform and needed someone to kick from behind to fall off the edge."
"I like to do everything once."
One of them laughed out loud and pretended to be afraid, while giving me a leer said, "I am scared yer ... "
Now, this guy has always teased me about female-related characteristics, like he would asked whether I wanted to hold his hands or not, or go to the bathroom together, that sort of thing.
By the way, he's married.And kinda cute and fair.
Obviously, I asked him what did he find so funny.
He replied, "You said you would do anything once, would you sleep with a guy?"
In my mind, I was like "I would and I already do and it won't be just onceand you don't know what you've been missing."
So I said, "You think I would do it with you? Don't flatter yourself."
He continued, "No, but even with other guys .... that's just gross. Ee yer ..."
I wanted to roll my eyes, but that would be such a give-away, no?
Just yesterday, another colleague was saying that she has a friend who can dance very well and quite good looking. Too bad he is gay.
My response was, what's so bad about it? You mean you would have dated him if he was straight?
She said yeah.
Needless to say, out of all the people in the office, she seems most OK with gays. Which is not saying much, as she is a Charismatic (I have always thought that it means a personal quality) Christian and is not very open either.
Oh well.
But from the looks of it, it can never happen. Or at least, not in my current workplace.
Now,
For example, I wear sneakers to work and change into leather shoes when I arrive at the office. It's more comfortable to walk in the former as there is quite a bit of walking to get to work and back.
When someone saw me changing into my leather shoes, the person said "Like a girl only."
Just today, I was chatting with my colleagues and one of them mentioned he wanted to go to Siam Reap, where the Angkor Wat is located. One of them asked me whether I would go as I don't look like the type which can rough it out.
Which reminded me of this incident last year.
Anyway, I said I love to do things I have never done.
"Would you go bungee jump or skydiving?"
"I would like to, even though at the last second, I may be rooted on the platform and needed someone to kick from behind to fall off the edge."
"I like to do everything once."
One of them laughed out loud and pretended to be afraid, while giving me a leer said, "I am scared yer ... "
Now, this guy has always teased me about female-related characteristics, like he would asked whether I wanted to hold his hands or not, or go to the bathroom together, that sort of thing.
By the way, he's married.
Obviously, I asked him what did he find so funny.
He replied, "You said you would do anything once, would you sleep with a guy?"
In my mind, I was like "I would and I already do and it won't be just once
So I said, "You think I would do it with you? Don't flatter yourself."
He continued, "No, but even with other guys .... that's just gross. Ee yer ..."
I wanted to roll my eyes, but that would be such a give-away, no?
Just yesterday, another colleague was saying that she has a friend who can dance very well and quite good looking. Too bad he is gay.
My response was, what's so bad about it? You mean you would have dated him if he was straight?
She said yeah.
Needless to say, out of all the people in the office, she seems most OK with gays. Which is not saying much, as she is a Charismatic (I have always thought that it means a personal quality) Christian and is not very open either.
Oh well.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Brotherly love
Usually, the letters written in to Big Bro (advice column / aunt agony column for teenagers and youth in the Star) concern matters of the heart. Out of three letters, probably two are like these:
"Do you think he/she likes me?"
"What does that smile mean? Does she like me?"
"He/she always says hi to me and send me messages. He/she thinks I am funny too. Does it mean he/she likes me?"
"Every time I see her/him, I don't know what to say. I think she has pretty eyes / he has a cute laugh. Do you think I am falling in love?"
NOT that I am trivialising those growing-up pains and confusion and the blossoming of crushes and loves, but it can get pretty tiring after a while.
So here is a refreshing change instead. As I am going to put it up here, you can bet that it's gay-related ;P
Worried for brother
MY BROTHER and I are orphans – we lost our parents in an accident years ago. My brother is intelligent, good-looking and has a good attitude. A complete package any girl could ask for. My mother used to support us, working part-time, and we used to do odd jobs.
I did fairly well in my studies while my brother obtained a full scholarship to do his course.
My brother is gay and he has been in a relationship with K, a Japanese guy who lives near us, for nearly seven years.
Recently, I noticed that my brother has changed a lot. He no longer smiles or laughs out loud but seems sad and distant.
I know that there’s a problem between him and K. I secretly read his diary (Derek: This is wrong, but I can totally understand why he did it.) and found that K is going to Japan to further his studies and he has asked my brother to go along. I confronted my brother, and he broke down and said that he has no intention of going. It’s a lie since my brother has applied to study in Japan.
I confronted K and he said it’s because of the possibility that his parents want him to marry some relative of his. I think that’s what made my brother heartbroken.
How do I console my brother? I am worried for him and I know these guys love each other. How do I support my brother without making things worse? I can’t just keep quiet. – Worried and Desperate
Dear Worried and Desperate,
Your brother is lucky to have you around. You’ve shown an incredible maturity for someone so young.
Often we can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. But in your brother’s case, it could be that he doesn’t know how to ask for help or to talk about what it is that he’s going through, especially when the kind of relationship that he’s in is one that’s not condoned, accepted or recognised. He also may not know how you feel to be comfortable enough to share much of what he’s going through.
Find an appropriate time to talk to him. Reassure him that your love for him will not change. So be caring and supportive but at the same time give him the space that he needs to work some things out for himself.
In many ways, he and K must figure out what they want for themselves. And they must both agree on it because there is nothing else to hold them together beyond their mutual consent. No law recognises this union. It’s no wonder that it’s called “the love that dares not speak its name.”
How I wished I have a brother like that. And I meant the older one ;P
"Do you think he/she likes me?"
"What does that smile mean? Does she like me?"
"He/she always says hi to me and send me messages. He/she thinks I am funny too. Does it mean he/she likes me?"
"Every time I see her/him, I don't know what to say. I think she has pretty eyes / he has a cute laugh. Do you think I am falling in love?"
NOT that I am trivialising those growing-up pains and confusion and the blossoming of crushes and loves, but it can get pretty tiring after a while.
So here is a refreshing change instead. As I am going to put it up here, you can bet that it's gay-related ;P
Worried for brother
MY BROTHER and I are orphans – we lost our parents in an accident years ago. My brother is intelligent, good-looking and has a good attitude. A complete package any girl could ask for. My mother used to support us, working part-time, and we used to do odd jobs.
I did fairly well in my studies while my brother obtained a full scholarship to do his course.
My brother is gay and he has been in a relationship with K, a Japanese guy who lives near us, for nearly seven years.
Recently, I noticed that my brother has changed a lot. He no longer smiles or laughs out loud but seems sad and distant.
I know that there’s a problem between him and K. I secretly read his diary (Derek: This is wrong, but I can totally understand why he did it.) and found that K is going to Japan to further his studies and he has asked my brother to go along. I confronted my brother, and he broke down and said that he has no intention of going. It’s a lie since my brother has applied to study in Japan.
I confronted K and he said it’s because of the possibility that his parents want him to marry some relative of his. I think that’s what made my brother heartbroken.
How do I console my brother? I am worried for him and I know these guys love each other. How do I support my brother without making things worse? I can’t just keep quiet. – Worried and Desperate
Dear Worried and Desperate,
Your brother is lucky to have you around. You’ve shown an incredible maturity for someone so young.
Often we can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. But in your brother’s case, it could be that he doesn’t know how to ask for help or to talk about what it is that he’s going through, especially when the kind of relationship that he’s in is one that’s not condoned, accepted or recognised. He also may not know how you feel to be comfortable enough to share much of what he’s going through.
Find an appropriate time to talk to him. Reassure him that your love for him will not change. So be caring and supportive but at the same time give him the space that he needs to work some things out for himself.
In many ways, he and K must figure out what they want for themselves. And they must both agree on it because there is nothing else to hold them together beyond their mutual consent. No law recognises this union. It’s no wonder that it’s called “the love that dares not speak its name.”
How I wished I have a brother like that. And I meant the older one ;P
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Learning life's lessons
I found resonance in this article from Malaysiakini, an online news portal. The parts which I like are in italic. Not that it brings up anything new, but it does make me appreciate myself and the journey I have taken or unknowingly led on to become who am I today.
My keen interest in people and life itself is to understand how society and everything around me works. Why are people treated differently because of race, religion, beliefs, sexual orientation? Whoever came up with these differences anyway? Are they something inate or learnt?
I am a pragmatic person. I would rather learn from others than to do something by myself and then learn from it. Call it lazy or selfish, but sometimes it saves the effort and pain. There are so many things to learn in this world, how can I possibly learn life's lessons by making all the mistakes?
People's thoughts and actions fascinate me. I like meeting people and talking to them. Questions to be answered, questions to quench my curiosity.
Which is why I read a lot. Though I hope I am not too busy reading and not living enough.
Citizens one and all
JJ Ray
Sep 4, 06 11:48am
At its core, issues affecting lesbians and gays are not about race or creed but of individual liberty, the very liberty supposedly protected by our constitution.
Sadly, the price homosexuals pay for the enjoyment of their own liberty is the recognition that heterosexuals may not want to be identified with them, although all have equal right to the same liberty.
This right has never been duly accorded to lesbians and gays.
But Malaysian writer Ouyang Wen Feng, who recently came out, could not have been more correct when he said "they (homosexuals) must first accept and recognise themselves before persuading society to accept them".
No need to crack one's head as to why this 36-year-old had kept his sexual orientation secret from family and friends for 30 years - it all boils down to society's prejudice and refusal to accept homosexuals as equal members.
Ouyang had American pastor Rev Pat Bumgardner to thank for support and acceptance. To Bumgardner, his move was nothing short of a courageous action that also honoured his family.
She said his decision would encourage the younger generation to be true to themselves and to build an inclusive community. Her hope in seeing a just future for homosexuals, while worthy of respect, sadly has found little acceptance in today's world.
Persistent discrimination
Society, largely comprising heterosexuals, is not willing to accept homosexuals as equal members of the community.
The degradation faced by lesbians and gays is heart wrenching and there is no telling when the discrimination will end. India, for example, is in denial over the fact that she is also home to lesbians and gays.
In Malaysia, the government has made it clear that lesbians and gays are not to be tolerated, much less accepted, hence the stand to criminalise same sex practices.
To criminalise people because of their sexual orientation is a crude instrument of social policy, a policy which serves no purpose in any society other than to preserve the heterosexual privilege which least affects the social or moral common life.
The government has no qualms about closing an eye when it comes to securing votes from homosexuals in the electorate.
It would do the 'straight' beings good to realise that hiding homosexuality is a surrender of freedom, of identity and ultimately of life itself. Such a move results in misery for homosexuals.
Prejudice, prejudice, prejudice
Although the American Psychiatric Association has clarified that homosexuality is not a mental disorder, the public has clutched stubbornly to the belief that this is unnatural, or a sign of stunted emotional maturity, lack of self-control and a disgusting form of sexual activity without any affectional content.
To assume that homosexuals are sexual predators and incapable of establishing lasting, loving relationships is akin to making the assumption that marriages are made in heaven.
The enlightened ones know that sexual orientation goes beyond sex, as it involves not only the physical self but also the heart, mind and soul. Sexual orientation includes the intimate associations that individuals form and that can help give meaning and richness to life.
To consistently and categorically deny the basic civil rights of lesbians and gays sends the message that the lives of homosexuals are less valuable than that of heterosexuals.
When someone like Ouyang reveals his sexual orientation, it might draw unwanted reaction. But for the less exposed, 'coming out' is more than an acknowledgment - it is acceptance of one's fundamental worth or announcement of one's sexual identity.
'Coming out' represents an act of compassion towards oneself, a compassion sadly never shown by one's own family and friends, let alone society.
Lesbians and gay men must think about family, morality, nature, choice, freedom and responsibility in ways that most people do not have to. Prejudice may remain but once homosexuals find their authentic self, they will not want to lose it under any circumstances.
It is necessary to repeat that what lesbians and gays seek is not new, special or privileged rights but rather the extension of existing rights guaranteed to all citizens by a nation's constitution.
Honour gay existence
The lesbians and gay community comprises women and men who have arrived, by very different paths, at the same self-knowledge. The feelings that prompt ordinary people to go against the grain of convention and love members of their own gender and honour those feelings are different for every person.
And unlike heterosexual individuals who hardly have to think about the fundamental ground of privacy - because it is already secure for them - homosexuals find themselves deprived of privacy.
Privacy means that people make choices other people must learn to respect. No government has any business meddling with the choices that lesbians and gays make to express their sexual orientation.
Until and unless such privacy is accorded to homosexuals, they will remain a group bereft of just protection as provided by the law. By extension, lesbians and gays will always be one step behind in accessing the privileges of citizenship.
The Serenity Prayer comes to mind, when one looks at the myriad challenges that lesbians and gays face. It should bring much-needed hope and courage for those sailing rough seas:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it,
Trusting that He will make all things right, if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
JJ RAY started her career with a mainstream publication. A non-conformist, she soon saw the barriers that went up whenever, through her writing, she tried to make the world a home for one and all.
My keen interest in people and life itself is to understand how society and everything around me works. Why are people treated differently because of race, religion, beliefs, sexual orientation? Whoever came up with these differences anyway? Are they something inate or learnt?
I am a pragmatic person. I would rather learn from others than to do something by myself and then learn from it. Call it lazy or selfish, but sometimes it saves the effort and pain. There are so many things to learn in this world, how can I possibly learn life's lessons by making all the mistakes?
People's thoughts and actions fascinate me. I like meeting people and talking to them. Questions to be answered, questions to quench my curiosity.
Which is why I read a lot. Though I hope I am not too busy reading and not living enough.
*********************************
Citizens one and all
JJ Ray
Sep 4, 06 11:48am
At its core, issues affecting lesbians and gays are not about race or creed but of individual liberty, the very liberty supposedly protected by our constitution.
Sadly, the price homosexuals pay for the enjoyment of their own liberty is the recognition that heterosexuals may not want to be identified with them, although all have equal right to the same liberty.
This right has never been duly accorded to lesbians and gays.
But Malaysian writer Ouyang Wen Feng, who recently came out, could not have been more correct when he said "they (homosexuals) must first accept and recognise themselves before persuading society to accept them".
No need to crack one's head as to why this 36-year-old had kept his sexual orientation secret from family and friends for 30 years - it all boils down to society's prejudice and refusal to accept homosexuals as equal members.
Ouyang had American pastor Rev Pat Bumgardner to thank for support and acceptance. To Bumgardner, his move was nothing short of a courageous action that also honoured his family.
She said his decision would encourage the younger generation to be true to themselves and to build an inclusive community. Her hope in seeing a just future for homosexuals, while worthy of respect, sadly has found little acceptance in today's world.
Persistent discrimination
Society, largely comprising heterosexuals, is not willing to accept homosexuals as equal members of the community.
The degradation faced by lesbians and gays is heart wrenching and there is no telling when the discrimination will end. India, for example, is in denial over the fact that she is also home to lesbians and gays.
In Malaysia, the government has made it clear that lesbians and gays are not to be tolerated, much less accepted, hence the stand to criminalise same sex practices.
To criminalise people because of their sexual orientation is a crude instrument of social policy, a policy which serves no purpose in any society other than to preserve the heterosexual privilege which least affects the social or moral common life.
The government has no qualms about closing an eye when it comes to securing votes from homosexuals in the electorate.
It would do the 'straight' beings good to realise that hiding homosexuality is a surrender of freedom, of identity and ultimately of life itself. Such a move results in misery for homosexuals.
Prejudice, prejudice, prejudice
Although the American Psychiatric Association has clarified that homosexuality is not a mental disorder, the public has clutched stubbornly to the belief that this is unnatural, or a sign of stunted emotional maturity, lack of self-control and a disgusting form of sexual activity without any affectional content.
To assume that homosexuals are sexual predators and incapable of establishing lasting, loving relationships is akin to making the assumption that marriages are made in heaven.
The enlightened ones know that sexual orientation goes beyond sex, as it involves not only the physical self but also the heart, mind and soul. Sexual orientation includes the intimate associations that individuals form and that can help give meaning and richness to life.
To consistently and categorically deny the basic civil rights of lesbians and gays sends the message that the lives of homosexuals are less valuable than that of heterosexuals.
When someone like Ouyang reveals his sexual orientation, it might draw unwanted reaction. But for the less exposed, 'coming out' is more than an acknowledgment - it is acceptance of one's fundamental worth or announcement of one's sexual identity.
'Coming out' represents an act of compassion towards oneself, a compassion sadly never shown by one's own family and friends, let alone society.
Lesbians and gay men must think about family, morality, nature, choice, freedom and responsibility in ways that most people do not have to. Prejudice may remain but once homosexuals find their authentic self, they will not want to lose it under any circumstances.
It is necessary to repeat that what lesbians and gays seek is not new, special or privileged rights but rather the extension of existing rights guaranteed to all citizens by a nation's constitution.
Honour gay existence
The lesbians and gay community comprises women and men who have arrived, by very different paths, at the same self-knowledge. The feelings that prompt ordinary people to go against the grain of convention and love members of their own gender and honour those feelings are different for every person.
And unlike heterosexual individuals who hardly have to think about the fundamental ground of privacy - because it is already secure for them - homosexuals find themselves deprived of privacy.
Privacy means that people make choices other people must learn to respect. No government has any business meddling with the choices that lesbians and gays make to express their sexual orientation.
Until and unless such privacy is accorded to homosexuals, they will remain a group bereft of just protection as provided by the law. By extension, lesbians and gays will always be one step behind in accessing the privileges of citizenship.
The Serenity Prayer comes to mind, when one looks at the myriad challenges that lesbians and gays face. It should bring much-needed hope and courage for those sailing rough seas:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it,
Trusting that He will make all things right, if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
JJ RAY started her career with a mainstream publication. A non-conformist, she soon saw the barriers that went up whenever, through her writing, she tried to make the world a home for one and all.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Meaningless meandering
I have wanted to do a Merdeka post, but somehow it didn't turn out right as the sentiment and feelings have dissipated.
Since coming back from KL last weekend, I have been so caught up with work and stuff that I didn't have the energy to blog. Which was why I didn't even know my blog was somehow "deleted" for the past few days.
Life here has been getting better. I have things to do on weekends which keep my time occupied. Like waking up at 6.30 this morning to jog. Then having vegetarian brunch with some friends.
Oh, and I was introduced to this word last week from a neighbour - tunch, meaning tea and lunch, a meal before tea but after lunch.
I was like WTF and trying hard to keep a straight face.
Since when we have tea time (excluding the "tea time" in government offices)? And can't a meal at three in the afternoon just be lunch, a late one at that?
Anyway, I digress.
Basically, I am getting comfortable here. Which is not what I want. I don't want to feel so comfortable till I don't want to leave.
There are actually things to do here which I have always wanted to do but didn't. The lifestyle is very active, as in sports and outdoor activities. I have never seen so many people of all ages get up so early on a Sunday morning to jog / cycle / roller-blade / picnic.
And I like that. I have even signed up for the Terry Fox run in two weeks time.
It has been four months already that I am here. Things have turned out quite alright so far and with some cautious optimism, I can say that life can only get better.
Since coming back from KL last weekend, I have been so caught up with work and stuff that I didn't have the energy to blog. Which was why I didn't even know my blog was somehow "deleted" for the past few days.
Life here has been getting better. I have things to do on weekends which keep my time occupied. Like waking up at 6.30 this morning to jog. Then having vegetarian brunch with some friends.
Oh, and I was introduced to this word last week from a neighbour - tunch, meaning tea and lunch, a meal before tea but after lunch.
I was like WTF and trying hard to keep a straight face.
Since when we have tea time (excluding the "tea time" in government offices)? And can't a meal at three in the afternoon just be lunch, a late one at that?
Anyway, I digress.
Basically, I am getting comfortable here. Which is not what I want. I don't want to feel so comfortable till I don't want to leave.
There are actually things to do here which I have always wanted to do but didn't. The lifestyle is very active, as in sports and outdoor activities. I have never seen so many people of all ages get up so early on a Sunday morning to jog / cycle / roller-blade / picnic.
And I like that. I have even signed up for the Terry Fox run in two weeks time.
It has been four months already that I am here. Things have turned out quite alright so far and with some cautious optimism, I can say that life can only get better.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Queer books
Singapore's National Day is celebrated in August, which is why their version of Pride is held in the same month. This time, it was called IndigNation and it was held from 1st till 24th August.
You can read some of the write-ups to the events at the official website.
I managed to attend two out of the over twenty events lined up. I was there during the launch, where Alex Au of Yawning Bread fame had a forum on the Singapore Elections held in May.
You might be wondering what election has got to do with homosexuality, right? The significance is that the gay issue was brought up for the first time in the election, where candidates were asked what their views were on homosexuality.
Apparently, one of the reporters even asked "If your son told you one day he was gay, what would you do?" to the election candidates during one of the forums.
The answers were interesting. Some of them were clearly uncomfortable or fearful and it showed in their replies.
I find this a gem. Taken from here.
When asked "Do you know any gays? How would you include them in your politics?" Ellen Lee: "I have a handful of gay friends. I do not think there is a special need for me to represent them because many of them are already very articulate and can do it themselves. But if they want to help me in my election campaign, I would not have objections. Their private lives will not be an issue."
I won't scratch your back, but please scratch mine if you want to.
Just classic, aint it?
******************************
The secone event which I went to was the launch of SQ21: Singapore's Queers's in the 21st century, which was on Wednesday.
It contains stories of how a gay youth won his mum over, a young man who came out on national TV, two women who got married in an anti-gay church, a mother who is proud of her two gay sons and the challenges and triumphs of a hearing impaired gay man, among other inspirational accounts. - taken from Fridae
You might think that it's a nameless book, where the owners' of the stories did not reveal names. But they did, with photographs included.
That is indeed a milestone, not just in Singapore but in Asia.
They are teachers, students, in the army, consultants, etc.
Almost all of the people featured in the book were present and they read excerpts from the book. I wasn't interested in buying it initially, but after the mother with two gay sons told her story, I decided to buy it.
These people lead such open lives to their families, colleagues and themselves; that the people around them are so accepting that I wonder why aren't there more people like them?
Because it's not easy. It takes courage to withstand taunts of faggot and gay in school. It requires a strong person mentally and emotionally to withstand the whispers and the finger-pointing. To simply not belong.
On the other hand, there are those who will be supportive and admire your conviction in being true to yourself in public.
I am not one for inspirational stories like Chicken Soup for the Soul kinda thing, but it is very uplifting to know there are people like that out there, living the kind of life I have always wanted.
Ultimately, it is a collection of stories about love - parents loving their children regardless of sexuality and loving the people we know for the basic reason that they're living, breathing creatures like us too, with dreams and aspirations.
I might post excerpts from the book which I find interesting.
******************************
Two days before the SQ21 launch, a Malaysian currently based in the U.S. launched his own coming out book, titled Is Present the Future? - An Asian Gay Man's Coming Out Journey in Kuala Lumpur. The book is in Mandarin.
This might be the more interesting one as he's a columnist, who married and then divorced and currently with his boyfriend Angel.
For more information, please go here.
This might be the more interesting one as he's a columnist, who married and then divorced and currently with his boyfriend Angel.
For more information, please go here.
Friday, August 18, 2006
T.G.I.F.
When I was looking for a laptop, one of the brands which I looked into was Dell. I finally chose an HP.
Surely you would have heard about Dell recalling up to 4.1 million batteries worldwide because of safety reasons. If I am not wrong, one of the batteries exploded right here in Singapore, though none of the reports online mentioned Singapore. There were incidents in Osaka, Nevada and a few other places.
And coincidentally, CF is thinking of purchasing a Dell desktop. Erm, I suppose it should safe, as the recall affects PCs and laptops sold between April 2004 and July this year.
YouTube even has a clip ....
Anyway, to kick off the weekend, here is something interesting related to PCs on fire ;P
Have a great weekend all.
Surely you would have heard about Dell recalling up to 4.1 million batteries worldwide because of safety reasons. If I am not wrong, one of the batteries exploded right here in Singapore, though none of the reports online mentioned Singapore. There were incidents in Osaka, Nevada and a few other places.
And coincidentally, CF is thinking of purchasing a Dell desktop. Erm, I suppose it should safe, as the recall affects PCs and laptops sold between April 2004 and July this year.
YouTube even has a clip ....
Anyway, to kick off the weekend, here is something interesting related to PCs on fire ;P
Have a great weekend all.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Bonne chance
I am like, the worst boyfriend ever! It's like, I was so upset and like, facing the reality of CF finally leaving, so much so that I forgot to ask his time of arrival in Vancouver!
Sigh, what an airhead I am.
So I have to call up a friend of his yesterday morning to ask. Very pai seh (embarrassing)! Thanks very much, GL!
Anyway, he has arrived safely in Vancouver this morning, after an 11-hour transit in Japan. Apparently, he's quite excited and all till he doesn't feel jetlagged.
For one, it's good to know that he's alright. He's all by himself there, not knowing anyone, but friends' friends to help him settle down. For that, I am really grateful that there are many kind souls that he knows; friendships that he has nurtured that they're willing to help CF out.
Another thing is that he's not homesickand he doesn't miss me. Which is good, as what's the point of travelling half way around to world and then miss the familiarity of home?
He's going to start a new chapter of his life. The over-protective me has to let go and let him live his own life and allow him his first taste of independence.
Mind you, not that he hasn't been independent and strong-willed, but I believe it's totally different when you're abroad and home is not a three-hour trip away.
Though on the other hand, I would love to share this part of his life with him. I am excited for him as well.
He just called about two hours ago and from the sound of it, he's really enthusiastic about it.
I sincerely wish him all the best. I hope it will be a journey of discovery for him, because the unexamined life is not worth living. It's not easy, but ultimately it would be worth it.
As for me, I have the same journey to go, albeit differently.
I love you, dear.
Sigh, what an airhead I am.
So I have to call up a friend of his yesterday morning to ask. Very pai seh (embarrassing)! Thanks very much, GL!
Anyway, he has arrived safely in Vancouver this morning, after an 11-hour transit in Japan. Apparently, he's quite excited and all till he doesn't feel jetlagged.
For one, it's good to know that he's alright. He's all by himself there, not knowing anyone, but friends' friends to help him settle down. For that, I am really grateful that there are many kind souls that he knows; friendships that he has nurtured that they're willing to help CF out.
Another thing is that he's not homesick
He's going to start a new chapter of his life. The over-protective me has to let go and let him live his own life and allow him his first taste of independence.
Mind you, not that he hasn't been independent and strong-willed, but I believe it's totally different when you're abroad and home is not a three-hour trip away.
Though on the other hand, I would love to share this part of his life with him. I am excited for him as well.
He just called about two hours ago and from the sound of it, he's really enthusiastic about it.
I sincerely wish him all the best. I hope it will be a journey of discovery for him, because the unexamined life is not worth living. It's not easy, but ultimately it would be worth it.
As for me, I have the same journey to go, albeit differently.
I love you, dear.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Au revoir
I know I am no poet, but still ...
I know this is corny
But you still make me horny
Though we'll be far apart
You'll always be in my heart
CF, I love you very much
So you better keep in touch!
*kisses*
Sayonara my dear!
Au revoir!
Farewell for now ... and safe journey.
I know this is corny
But you still make me horny
Though we'll be far apart
You'll always be in my heart
CF, I love you very much
So you better keep in touch!
*kisses*
Sayonara my dear!
Au revoir!
Farewell for now ... and safe journey.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Fireworks
For Singapore's National Day celebration, there were four fireworks display scheduled for the previous Saturday, Tuesday (National Day eve), Friday and yesterday. All of them were at the Esplanade.
I didn't plan on going for any of those, but it so happened that I called one of my colleagues last Saturday and he said he was going for the first one, which was by the Italian team.
It was a wonderful and marvellous display of colours. Although it was not entirely in-sync with the music, it was still simply amazing.
As such, I was looking forward to watching the finale yesterday, which was by the French team.
I went with the same bunch of people as the last one, which were my colleague QF, his ex, HR who was also the birthday boy, HR's adopted brother, B and his wife, B's brother and two other people.
How I got to know QF was quite interesting in itself, which I shall leave for another post.
As the waitress for taking our drink orders, it was let slip by QF that HR was the birthday boy. Let's call the waitress SR.
SR: Happy birthday, sir. And your name is ... ?
HR: HR.
QF: So aren't you going to give him something special? Like a kiss?
SR: Haha ... OK.
And she blew a kiss a to HR.
QF: Is that all? You should go nearer and kiss him on the cheek!
SR: Err (hesitating) ... sorry, but I am not interested in guys.
All of us: ????
That was kind of out of the blue. Imagine, we're almost all queers there and out of a sudden, the waitress said that she is too.
But of course, we didn't all come out to her. I suppose she could have guessed, by our very loud and boisterous manner the whole night.
She was really nice and friendly. Even though the food was quite terrible for the kind of prices we were paying, she did her best to make it a good evening for us.
The fireworks was to start at 9pm. But long before that, the area behind us were teeming with people already.
Let me describe the place that we're at. We were sitting just right beside the river, where the fireworks display was going to be, which was at the river.
As we were patrons of the restaurant and we were dining al-fresco, the area was cordoned off from the public.
Some of the pictures which I managed to take.
The beginning wasn't that great.
After the first two minutes, it got better. QF was saying that the not-so-good start was to bulid up to the finale.
And the finale of the 10-minute fireworks display. I was paying more attention to the fireworks than taking the picture, which is why the picture turned out like this ;P
Don't think I would take pictures of fireworks again as it's distracting. It's probably better to just enjoy the show and soak up the moment. If I were to take pictures as well, I can't fully concentrate on either and both would turn out mediocre - the experience and the pictures.
While I was watching the fireworks, I wished that CF was beside me.
Anyway, it's 24 hours more before he flies to Vancouver ...
I didn't plan on going for any of those, but it so happened that I called one of my colleagues last Saturday and he said he was going for the first one, which was by the Italian team.
It was a wonderful and marvellous display of colours. Although it was not entirely in-sync with the music, it was still simply amazing.
As such, I was looking forward to watching the finale yesterday, which was by the French team.
I went with the same bunch of people as the last one, which were my colleague QF, his ex, HR who was also the birthday boy, HR's adopted brother, B and his wife, B's brother and two other people.
How I got to know QF was quite interesting in itself, which I shall leave for another post.
As the waitress for taking our drink orders, it was let slip by QF that HR was the birthday boy. Let's call the waitress SR.
SR: Happy birthday, sir. And your name is ... ?
HR: HR.
QF: So aren't you going to give him something special? Like a kiss?
SR: Haha ... OK.
And she blew a kiss a to HR.
QF: Is that all? You should go nearer and kiss him on the cheek!
SR: Err (hesitating) ... sorry, but I am not interested in guys.
All of us: ????
That was kind of out of the blue. Imagine, we're almost all queers there and out of a sudden, the waitress said that she is too.
But of course, we didn't all come out to her. I suppose she could have guessed, by our very loud and boisterous manner the whole night.
She was really nice and friendly. Even though the food was quite terrible for the kind of prices we were paying, she did her best to make it a good evening for us.
The fireworks was to start at 9pm. But long before that, the area behind us were teeming with people already.
Let me describe the place that we're at. We were sitting just right beside the river, where the fireworks display was going to be, which was at the river.
As we were patrons of the restaurant and we were dining al-fresco, the area was cordoned off from the public.
Some of the pictures which I managed to take.
The beginning wasn't that great.
After the first two minutes, it got better. QF was saying that the not-so-good start was to bulid up to the finale.
And the finale of the 10-minute fireworks display. I was paying more attention to the fireworks than taking the picture, which is why the picture turned out like this ;P
Don't think I would take pictures of fireworks again as it's distracting. It's probably better to just enjoy the show and soak up the moment. If I were to take pictures as well, I can't fully concentrate on either and both would turn out mediocre - the experience and the pictures.
While I was watching the fireworks, I wished that CF was beside me.
Anyway, it's 24 hours more before he flies to Vancouver ...
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
My fairy lad
I know most of my readers are not straight and many of us would have, some time or another while we younger, liked a straight guy and wished he would like us back.
I know I did. But I realised there's no point in loving someone who wouldn't love me back, straight or gay.
Anyway, I thought that this would capture the meaning quite accurately and amusingly too LOL
Oh, and I just watched this movie called Queer Duck: The Movie and there was a scene where Queer Duck was deciding which Broadway to watch.
My fair lady becomes My fairy lad, by bringing forward the letter Y. ;P
Romanovsky & Phillips - Give Me A Homosexual
(For all the straight men who think that every gay man is out to seduce them, and for those gay men who indeed are.)
With so many gay men and so little time
It never has been an obsession of mine
To try and pursue heterosexual men
The ones who are real or the ones who pretend
That kind of facade's not attractive to me
I like my lovers as queer as can be
Give me a homosexual
Who loves in a homoemotional way
I like a man of acceptance
Give me a guy who is glad to be gay
Now to some of my peers its the ultimate thrill
Seducing a straight man by bending his will
But I am a man who loves men who love men
And that is of course what I most recommend
While I'm sure there are men who just need some unstraightening
I haven't the patience to be educating
Give me a homosexual
One who's perfected his oral technique
I like a man who's had practice
Give me a guy who is fluent in Greek
And I don't understand all those classified ads
Filled with desires that I've never had
"Straight-looking Marine seeks straight cop to please..."
How straight do they look when they're down on their knees?
It's a taste that I've never been able to savor
This preoccupation with sexist behavior
And people will ask us "Which one's the girl?"
'Cause they limit themselves to those roles in their world
But we don't have any such models to clone
We're perfectly free to develop our own
Give me a homosexual
I don't want a husband and I don't want a wife
I like a man who's my equal
Someone who's made it the style of his life
Give me a homosexual
Who loves in a homoemotional way
I like a man of acceptance
Give me a guy who is glad to be gay
I know I did. But I realised there's no point in loving someone who wouldn't love me back, straight or gay.
Anyway, I thought that this would capture the meaning quite accurately and amusingly too LOL
Oh, and I just watched this movie called Queer Duck: The Movie and there was a scene where Queer Duck was deciding which Broadway to watch.
My fair lady becomes My fairy lad, by bringing forward the letter Y. ;P
Romanovsky & Phillips - Give Me A Homosexual
(For all the straight men who think that every gay man is out to seduce them, and for those gay men who indeed are.)
With so many gay men and so little time
It never has been an obsession of mine
To try and pursue heterosexual men
The ones who are real or the ones who pretend
That kind of facade's not attractive to me
I like my lovers as queer as can be
Give me a homosexual
Who loves in a homoemotional way
I like a man of acceptance
Give me a guy who is glad to be gay
Now to some of my peers its the ultimate thrill
Seducing a straight man by bending his will
But I am a man who loves men who love men
And that is of course what I most recommend
While I'm sure there are men who just need some unstraightening
I haven't the patience to be educating
Give me a homosexual
One who's perfected his oral technique
I like a man who's had practice
Give me a guy who is fluent in Greek
And I don't understand all those classified ads
Filled with desires that I've never had
"Straight-looking Marine seeks straight cop to please..."
How straight do they look when they're down on their knees?
It's a taste that I've never been able to savor
This preoccupation with sexist behavior
And people will ask us "Which one's the girl?"
'Cause they limit themselves to those roles in their world
But we don't have any such models to clone
We're perfectly free to develop our own
Give me a homosexual
I don't want a husband and I don't want a wife
I like a man who's my equal
Someone who's made it the style of his life
Give me a homosexual
Who loves in a homoemotional way
I like a man of acceptance
Give me a guy who is glad to be gay
Saturday, August 05, 2006
I spy with my little eye
I arrived back in Singapore on Sunday night after a 6-hour journey. It was an hour longer than usual as there highway authorities closed 2 out of the three lanes available, thus creating a massive jam right after the Seremban exit.
In the MRT, I caught sight of two guys standing about 15 feet away. One was caressing the other’s hair. He was doing it for quite some time, about two minutes.
Suddenly he stopped and he cusped the other person’s face.
Awww, how sweet. And was that a ring I saw on each of their right hands?
The MRT was not that empty, there were about a dozen or so other people in the car.
A while later, the same guy was back to stroking the other’s hair. I could only see the back of the person doing the stroking, whereas I have a sideways view of the strokee.
All the while that I was snooping watching, oftentimes their faces were so close to each other that I thought they were kissing!
The whole time it happened'
- No one was giving them strange looks or dagger stares.
- No one shouted profanities at them, like "You deserve to go to hell, faggots!"
- No one screamed while digging their eye balls out.
- No marriage was broken as a result of affection between two people of the same sex, who are unrelated to married couples.
- The train didn’t blow up because of short circuit caused by lightning.
Now, if only CF will lose a bit of his inhibitions about PDA without getting intoxicated …..
In the MRT, I caught sight of two guys standing about 15 feet away. One was caressing the other’s hair. He was doing it for quite some time, about two minutes.
Suddenly he stopped and he cusped the other person’s face.
Awww, how sweet. And was that a ring I saw on each of their right hands?
The MRT was not that empty, there were about a dozen or so other people in the car.
A while later, the same guy was back to stroking the other’s hair. I could only see the back of the person doing the stroking, whereas I have a sideways view of the strokee.
All the while that I was snooping watching, oftentimes their faces were so close to each other that I thought they were kissing!
The whole time it happened'
- No one was giving them strange looks or dagger stares.
- No one shouted profanities at them, like "You deserve to go to hell, faggots!"
- No one screamed while digging their eye balls out.
- No marriage was broken as a result of affection between two people of the same sex, who are unrelated to married couples.
- The train didn’t blow up because of short circuit caused by lightning.
Now, if only CF will lose a bit of his inhibitions about PDA without getting intoxicated …..
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Till we meet again, farewell for now
I was back in KL last Friday to see CF for the last time before he leaves. I would have preferred to meet him closer to his departure date, but that would be difficult as his family would want to spend time with him as well.
We watched Pirates of the Caribbean at One Utama. Two thumbs up for the movie.
Although I kinda forgot some of the things which happened in the first one, it was still an enjoyable pirates adventure with Captain Jack Sparrow.
Even though the second part of a trilogy is usually more like a filler and somewhat a teaser to the finale, Pirates managed to hold its own and it is all thanks to Johnny Depp.
I think it would be the biggest blockbuster movie for the year. Can’t wait for the finale next year, which will have Chow Yuen Fatt as a ruthless pirate and apparently Singapore would be featured more prominently than just the two mentions of the word Singapore in this one. LOL
They were so proud of it that it this little titbit was published in the newspapers.
Knowing CF would not understand the underlying sentiment, I still said anyway - let’s catch the Pirates 3 next year, when I go visit you in Vancouver.
After the movie, we shopped around for a while, as we wait for the rest of his high school friends to come. The farewell for CF was to be at Shogun, the Japanese buffet restaurant.
There were six of his friends, all guys and four of them knew about us. We all had quite a lot of fun eating, chatting, laughing, etc. I usually get along well with people younger than myself, so it wasn’t that difficult to join in the conversations.
Besides, I have met a few of them before.
Now, as far as I know, the rest are all straight. So what is it with straight people who try to act all gay and lovey-dovey and huggy amongst themselves? Though it was quite funny to watch, it was ironic for me as I can’t do that because as much as I want to, CF is extremely self-conscious in public and he doesn’t allow me to.
I am quite affectionate, even in public. CF used to let me hold him in public, but he doesn’t any more, for reasons best known to himself. Or not.
Later I found out that his friends have quite a good impression of me, which I was glad.
The next day, I was supposed to meet him for a very short while, as he had to attend a friend’s birthday celebration. We met at two in the afternoon and he left at half past three.
I had wanted to meet a friend of mine, RH, which I haven’t seen in a long time. She was quite excited that CF was coming along.
But then as it turned out, traffic was terrible and it was difficult to look for a parking space for all three of us, so RH only got to get acquainted with CF for thirty minutes.
RH started to tell me about the updates in her life. She is close to a former classmate of mine, who said that he would not send his sons to all-boys school as he didn’t want them to be gay.
I was like, WTF?
RH said she then asked him whether he knew anyone who was gay or perhaps, he had some gay tendencies while in high school.
Of course he said no (he’s straight, by the way), but then he specifically stated that I gave out good luck cards or something like that to everyone in my class.
First of all, I don’t remember to such a thing. Or maybe I did. But more importantly, what the hell is wrong with giving personalized messages to everyone?
This got CF laughing and trying to stifle his laughter. Not sure whether he choked on his salad or not though …..
Anyway, CF left not long after.
Before I could say anything, RH asked “Why do you go out about him?”
As I was about to answer, I realized her implied meaning. So I shot back, “You mean I could do better?”
“Yeah, he’s so mean to you. He treats you like shit. Not wanting you to visit him in Vancouver, taking you for granted, not letting go to church with him …. “
As it is, anyone who doesn’t know either of us and sees us in public, would know through observation that I love him very much and CF, to quote RH, “treats me like shit”.
The thing is, RH is a good character reader, being a woman and mature and all.
In this case though, I have known CF for the whole of seven months and I believe, or at least would like to believe that I understand CF better than she does.
True, CF is mean. He is mean to the people who love and care for him. In fact, he treats his friend better than he does towards me.
His rationale? Friends don’t understand if he were to treat them not so nicely, whereas his loved ones are supposed to understand him and his actions better, even his flaws, thus allowing him to be himself.
Twisted logic it may be, but that’s CF for you and me.
About him not wanting me to go to church with him, his logic is that his friends which are much younger than me (they are eighteen) don’t feel comfortable with me around. I am not as “crazy” as they are and there would be some awkwardness if I were present.
Yeah, this is somewhat related to the other point, about taking care of his friends’ feelings more than mine.
I told her all these. I know deep down he loves me ... but it's far too deep to surface LOL
CF is, at the moment, incapable of fully expressing his affection towards me. Not that he ever did.
And his reason is because of a fight that we had in early June. He still hasn’t gotten over it.
Granted it was almost entirely my fault … but then CF is a sensitive and emotional soul and he needs his time to heal.
In fact, this whole post seems to be pointing out all the bad things about CF.
But really, he's a sweet dear.
Which brings me to my main point (finally)!
I realized I am not perfect either. He is still young and inexperienced. His environment has not made him a wiser person as yet.
Though sometimes, he can be wise in his own ways.
This is my first serious relationship. I know it is hard work to maintain but I am willing to stick by it till it is not possible anymore.
I gave him a book of pictures of us and our memories together thus far. Let's look forward to creating more memories together ...
We watched Pirates of the Caribbean at One Utama. Two thumbs up for the movie.
Although I kinda forgot some of the things which happened in the first one, it was still an enjoyable pirates adventure with Captain Jack Sparrow.
Even though the second part of a trilogy is usually more like a filler and somewhat a teaser to the finale, Pirates managed to hold its own and it is all thanks to Johnny Depp.
I think it would be the biggest blockbuster movie for the year. Can’t wait for the finale next year, which will have Chow Yuen Fatt as a ruthless pirate and apparently Singapore would be featured more prominently than just the two mentions of the word Singapore in this one. LOL
They were so proud of it that it this little titbit was published in the newspapers.
Knowing CF would not understand the underlying sentiment, I still said anyway - let’s catch the Pirates 3 next year, when I go visit you in Vancouver.
After the movie, we shopped around for a while, as we wait for the rest of his high school friends to come. The farewell for CF was to be at Shogun, the Japanese buffet restaurant.
There were six of his friends, all guys and four of them knew about us. We all had quite a lot of fun eating, chatting, laughing, etc. I usually get along well with people younger than myself, so it wasn’t that difficult to join in the conversations.
Besides, I have met a few of them before.
Now, as far as I know, the rest are all straight. So what is it with straight people who try to act all gay and lovey-dovey and huggy amongst themselves? Though it was quite funny to watch, it was ironic for me as I can’t do that because as much as I want to, CF is extremely self-conscious in public and he doesn’t allow me to.
I am quite affectionate, even in public. CF used to let me hold him in public, but he doesn’t any more, for reasons best known to himself. Or not.
Later I found out that his friends have quite a good impression of me, which I was glad.
*************************
The next day, I was supposed to meet him for a very short while, as he had to attend a friend’s birthday celebration. We met at two in the afternoon and he left at half past three.
I had wanted to meet a friend of mine, RH, which I haven’t seen in a long time. She was quite excited that CF was coming along.
But then as it turned out, traffic was terrible and it was difficult to look for a parking space for all three of us, so RH only got to get acquainted with CF for thirty minutes.
RH started to tell me about the updates in her life. She is close to a former classmate of mine, who said that he would not send his sons to all-boys school as he didn’t want them to be gay.
I was like, WTF?
RH said she then asked him whether he knew anyone who was gay or perhaps, he had some gay tendencies while in high school.
Of course he said no (he’s straight, by the way), but then he specifically stated that I gave out good luck cards or something like that to everyone in my class.
First of all, I don’t remember to such a thing. Or maybe I did. But more importantly, what the hell is wrong with giving personalized messages to everyone?
This got CF laughing and trying to stifle his laughter. Not sure whether he choked on his salad or not though …..
Anyway, CF left not long after.
Before I could say anything, RH asked “Why do you go out about him?”
As I was about to answer, I realized her implied meaning. So I shot back, “You mean I could do better?”
“Yeah, he’s so mean to you. He treats you like shit. Not wanting you to visit him in Vancouver, taking you for granted, not letting go to church with him …. “
As it is, anyone who doesn’t know either of us and sees us in public, would know through observation that I love him very much and CF, to quote RH, “treats me like shit”.
The thing is, RH is a good character reader, being a woman and mature and all.
In this case though, I have known CF for the whole of seven months and I believe, or at least would like to believe that I understand CF better than she does.
True, CF is mean. He is mean to the people who love and care for him. In fact, he treats his friend better than he does towards me.
His rationale? Friends don’t understand if he were to treat them not so nicely, whereas his loved ones are supposed to understand him and his actions better, even his flaws, thus allowing him to be himself.
Twisted logic it may be, but that’s CF for you and me.
About him not wanting me to go to church with him, his logic is that his friends which are much younger than me (they are eighteen) don’t feel comfortable with me around. I am not as “crazy” as they are and there would be some awkwardness if I were present.
Yeah, this is somewhat related to the other point, about taking care of his friends’ feelings more than mine.
I told her all these. I know deep down he loves me ... but it's far too deep to surface LOL
CF is, at the moment, incapable of fully expressing his affection towards me. Not that he ever did.
And his reason is because of a fight that we had in early June. He still hasn’t gotten over it.
Granted it was almost entirely my fault … but then CF is a sensitive and emotional soul and he needs his time to heal.
In fact, this whole post seems to be pointing out all the bad things about CF.
But really, he's a sweet dear.
Which brings me to my main point (finally)!
I realized I am not perfect either. He is still young and inexperienced. His environment has not made him a wiser person as yet.
Though sometimes, he can be wise in his own ways.
This is my first serious relationship. I know it is hard work to maintain but I am willing to stick by it till it is not possible anymore.
I gave him a book of pictures of us and our memories together thus far. Let's look forward to creating more memories together ...
Monday, July 24, 2006
Logical incoherence
Speaking of others' faults can also be a way to distract ourselves from acknowledging our own painful emotions.
For example, if we feel hurt or rejected because a dear one hasn't called us in a long time, rather than feel the suffering nature of our attachment, we criticize our loved one for being unreliable and inconsiderate. - Buddhist wisdom
I have grown quite attached to CF. In the early of stages of our relationship, he was the one that was crazy over me while I was slowly building up my feelings towards him. As time goes by, I realized how wonderful he truly is.
Unfortunately, his love high towards me waned just as mine went up. He was past the dizzying warm feelings of love whereas I was beginning to feel them.
Till now, he has not fully recovered.
Obviously, I would like a lot it if he does. But these kind of things can’t be forced, especially on CF.
Anyway, the point that I am trying to make is best captured in these words. Or rather, the opposite of them.
One of the most important things to know in life is that no one withholds any happiness from us - not even our most loved ones. Our happiness is our charge. While we often place our happiness in the charge of others, it is us who voluntarily do that - and we can take this responsibility back to own it. Be good to yourself because nobody else has the power to make you truly happy - or sad. Only when we mindfully see and take up this personal responsibility, can we truly love - both ourselves and others.
I have somehow made my mood dependent on his to make me happy – his smile, his phone calls, his loving gestures, etc.
Unfortunately, he’s not the lovey-dovey kind. And thus, phone calls from him are hard to come by.
And that would make me unhappy.
Not that he is unloving, but his way of loving is a bit different; it’s subtle and difficult to decipher. At least to me lar.
And he’s intentionally making it not so obvious too …. Sigh!
But I digress. As logical as those words are in a sort of cold and logical kind of way and no matter how much I don’t like it, they are true.
The idea of having a partner is to be able to depend on him, knowing that no matter what there is someone who will love me; someone whom I can share anything and everything with.
Someone I trust.
In other words, he has my heart in his hands and he break my heart if he wants to. Hence, I am vulnerable in that sense.
Because I am attached to him. Emotionally.
So basically, what those words of wisdom are saying is that to save myself from the heartache, if it were to happen, is to become less attached.
Which goes against the whole notion of romantic love.
I have to make the source of my happiness my own; not his or anyone else.
When I can do that, then I wouldhave evolved and become the Supreme Master be able to be happy, which of course will lead me to love myself even more because things are going well (ooh, like having tonnes of money ;P) which I could then share my happiness and love with others.
As you know, to be able to love myself means I am contented and happy. To have the strength to accept myself and the things I can’t change. To realize that life is short and no point making things unhappy or worrying about things that most likely won’t happen.
So basically, everything begins with loving oneself.
Hmmm, I wonder whether that would make me a narcissist? LOL
It’s true – one cannot give what one does not possess. If I don’t have love for myself, how am I to love another? If I cannot make myself happy on my own, how can I make others happy?
I read somewhere that a relationship is not about two persons completing each other, but rather, two complete persons coming together. Hence, to call our partners our other half is to imply that we are only half and incomplete.
Not sure whether I am making much sense.
Still, I have told myself that it’s better to improve on myself and be the best boyfriend I can be, rather than thinking on things that have yet to happen or negative thoughts.
This weekend will be the last time I will be seeing my baby before he leaves. And I won’t be seeing him for at least a year after that.
How I wished he has finished his studies already!
For example, if we feel hurt or rejected because a dear one hasn't called us in a long time, rather than feel the suffering nature of our attachment, we criticize our loved one for being unreliable and inconsiderate. - Buddhist wisdom
I have grown quite attached to CF. In the early of stages of our relationship, he was the one that was crazy over me while I was slowly building up my feelings towards him. As time goes by, I realized how wonderful he truly is.
Unfortunately, his love high towards me waned just as mine went up. He was past the dizzying warm feelings of love whereas I was beginning to feel them.
Till now, he has not fully recovered.
Obviously, I would like a lot it if he does. But these kind of things can’t be forced, especially on CF.
Anyway, the point that I am trying to make is best captured in these words. Or rather, the opposite of them.
One of the most important things to know in life is that no one withholds any happiness from us - not even our most loved ones. Our happiness is our charge. While we often place our happiness in the charge of others, it is us who voluntarily do that - and we can take this responsibility back to own it. Be good to yourself because nobody else has the power to make you truly happy - or sad. Only when we mindfully see and take up this personal responsibility, can we truly love - both ourselves and others.
I have somehow made my mood dependent on his to make me happy – his smile, his phone calls, his loving gestures, etc.
Unfortunately, he’s not the lovey-dovey kind. And thus, phone calls from him are hard to come by.
And that would make me unhappy.
Not that he is unloving, but his way of loving is a bit different; it’s subtle and difficult to decipher. At least to me lar.
And he’s intentionally making it not so obvious too …. Sigh!
But I digress. As logical as those words are in a sort of cold and logical kind of way and no matter how much I don’t like it, they are true.
The idea of having a partner is to be able to depend on him, knowing that no matter what there is someone who will love me; someone whom I can share anything and everything with.
Someone I trust.
In other words, he has my heart in his hands and he break my heart if he wants to. Hence, I am vulnerable in that sense.
Because I am attached to him. Emotionally.
So basically, what those words of wisdom are saying is that to save myself from the heartache, if it were to happen, is to become less attached.
Which goes against the whole notion of romantic love.
I have to make the source of my happiness my own; not his or anyone else.
When I can do that, then I would
As you know, to be able to love myself means I am contented and happy. To have the strength to accept myself and the things I can’t change. To realize that life is short and no point making things unhappy or worrying about things that most likely won’t happen.
So basically, everything begins with loving oneself.
Hmmm, I wonder whether that would make me a narcissist? LOL
It’s true – one cannot give what one does not possess. If I don’t have love for myself, how am I to love another? If I cannot make myself happy on my own, how can I make others happy?
I read somewhere that a relationship is not about two persons completing each other, but rather, two complete persons coming together. Hence, to call our partners our other half is to imply that we are only half and incomplete.
Not sure whether I am making much sense.
Still, I have told myself that it’s better to improve on myself and be the best boyfriend I can be, rather than thinking on things that have yet to happen or negative thoughts.
This weekend will be the last time I will be seeing my baby before he leaves. And I won’t be seeing him for at least a year after that.
How I wished he has finished his studies already!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Hayes gay
Posted on Darren Hayes's official website.
I very rarely make comments about my private life.
But today, as I'm about to begin 6 months in the studio to record what I hope to be the best record of my career, I feel an overwhelming gratitude for the past 10 years of being a performer. Most recently, I've been moving toward a career that is more closely aligned with 'art' than it is 'commerce'. And in keeping on this trajectory - I have become increasingly more emotionally authentic in my music, writing and my relationship to my audience. As so many of you have given me your heart and soul over the past 10 years I thought it only fitting that I too return the respect and inform you of the most significant event in my life.
On June 19th 2006 I married my boyfriend of two years, Richard, in a Civil Partnership ceremony in London.
I can honestly say it was the happiest day of my life.
I feel lucky to live in an era where my relationship can be considered legally legitimate and I commend the UK Government for embracing this very basic Civil Liberty.
I'm proud of who I am, and after what felt like an eternity, I'm finally in a place where my heart is secure and content. And I can finally make sense of all of the searching.
I still maintain the belief that families and relationships are not commodities to be sold off for public consumption. In this regard, I am and will continue to be a public person with a private life.
I have always written songs about human relationships and our journey in life. I've never felt the need to differentiate or speak to a specific part of society. This hasn't changed. I will continue to write songs for everybody and hope that the feelings and thoughts I sing about are universal. Today, as I get on a plane to return to London, my head will be filled with all the future possibilities that I hope to explore musically.
To the people who buy my records, come to my shows and demonstrate on a daily basis their love and support for me and what I do: thank you.
Your overwhelming message to me lately seems to be that you are just glad that I am happy. For this, I am eternally grateful.
To my Mum, Dad, Sister and Brother - thanks for always being so cool and loving me unconditionally.
With love and respect always
Darren Hayes
I very rarely make comments about my private life.
But today, as I'm about to begin 6 months in the studio to record what I hope to be the best record of my career, I feel an overwhelming gratitude for the past 10 years of being a performer. Most recently, I've been moving toward a career that is more closely aligned with 'art' than it is 'commerce'. And in keeping on this trajectory - I have become increasingly more emotionally authentic in my music, writing and my relationship to my audience. As so many of you have given me your heart and soul over the past 10 years I thought it only fitting that I too return the respect and inform you of the most significant event in my life.
On June 19th 2006 I married my boyfriend of two years, Richard, in a Civil Partnership ceremony in London.
I can honestly say it was the happiest day of my life.
I feel lucky to live in an era where my relationship can be considered legally legitimate and I commend the UK Government for embracing this very basic Civil Liberty.
I'm proud of who I am, and after what felt like an eternity, I'm finally in a place where my heart is secure and content. And I can finally make sense of all of the searching.
I still maintain the belief that families and relationships are not commodities to be sold off for public consumption. In this regard, I am and will continue to be a public person with a private life.
I have always written songs about human relationships and our journey in life. I've never felt the need to differentiate or speak to a specific part of society. This hasn't changed. I will continue to write songs for everybody and hope that the feelings and thoughts I sing about are universal. Today, as I get on a plane to return to London, my head will be filled with all the future possibilities that I hope to explore musically.
To the people who buy my records, come to my shows and demonstrate on a daily basis their love and support for me and what I do: thank you.
Your overwhelming message to me lately seems to be that you are just glad that I am happy. For this, I am eternally grateful.
To my Mum, Dad, Sister and Brother - thanks for always being so cool and loving me unconditionally.
With love and respect always
Darren Hayes
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Buying manga is not so straight forward
So many things which happened lately, yet somehow I don't have the mood to put them into words.
The past two weeks have been really hectic, work-wise. Attended two days of seminar last Monday and Tuesday. The day after that, I met up with Silentside, Louis and his boyfriend.
And on Thursday, I met up with Silentside again.
Pretty draining to go meet them after a tiring day at work. Still, it was fun to meet Louis and the boyfriend for the first time. They bought some stuff at Bodynits, just like Xavier did not too long ago.
I didn't know this brand has quite a large gay customer base. ;P
We had dinner at Marina Square and then got lost trying to find our way out to the Esplanade.
I tell you, Marina Square is the most confusing shopping mall ever. The layout is not user-friendly and the design and layout of the floors are not the same from one portion to the other.
Even my Singaporean friend took a good 20 minutes to find a restaurant there which he has been to before.
At the Esplanade, Silentside recounted for the hundredth time his dilemma. I hope you have got as many opinions as you can and finally decided on something.
Or not. Things may just get solved by themselves sometimes.
As I was meeting Silentside at Orchard, I decided to go get some not-easily-available manga for CF from Kinokuniya.
Censored material stuff, in other words.
I tried looking for the two titles. The map says that one was on shelf 26-H, but there is no such shelf. The shelf stopped at 26-A.
For the other book, the instruction said to seek the staff's assistance.
So I have to ask the staff for help.
First thing she asked was, "Is this for your own personal reading, sir?"
"Yes, they are."
"Please wait a moment. I'll check for the availability. If we have them, you have to show identification that you're eligible to buy them as these are conditional release titles."
Sheesh. The way this was happening, it almost seemed like I was buying hard core porn or something.
Or those which involve animals.
And so she went off to look for the books. They were stacked behind the counter. There were quite a number of other manga titles too.
After the titles were found and I showed my ID to prove my age, she handed over the books to me. Just as I was about to walk away, she turned around and asked her colleague nearby ...
"Do I need to escort him to the cashier?"
WTF? It's not like I was buying weapons or drugs or something dangerous .... Hmmm, what has CF gotten me into?
These titles had better be good and worth all the discomfort I was going through. Hmmm ... I wonder how hard core these titles are? The drawings on the cover seem to be quite mild ... but there is the word yaoi printed ...
Fortunately, her colleague replied no.
And I didn't get any strange looks from the cashier.
Or did I detect a hint of surpressed snigger?
Finally, the plastic was unwrapped and I got to see what all the fuss it's about.
There's nothing even remotely explicit in them, justcartoon porn artistically drawn comics with some homosexual hint ... not even an inch of exposed rendered skin ...
How disappointing! Anyway, it was to be expected. My sweet and mild-mannered boyfriend is just well ... sweet and mild mannered.
And hard core free.
The past two weeks have been really hectic, work-wise. Attended two days of seminar last Monday and Tuesday. The day after that, I met up with Silentside, Louis and his boyfriend.
And on Thursday, I met up with Silentside again.
Pretty draining to go meet them after a tiring day at work. Still, it was fun to meet Louis and the boyfriend for the first time. They bought some stuff at Bodynits, just like Xavier did not too long ago.
I didn't know this brand has quite a large gay customer base. ;P
We had dinner at Marina Square and then got lost trying to find our way out to the Esplanade.
I tell you, Marina Square is the most confusing shopping mall ever. The layout is not user-friendly and the design and layout of the floors are not the same from one portion to the other.
Even my Singaporean friend took a good 20 minutes to find a restaurant there which he has been to before.
At the Esplanade, Silentside recounted for the hundredth time his dilemma. I hope you have got as many opinions as you can and finally decided on something.
Or not. Things may just get solved by themselves sometimes.
As I was meeting Silentside at Orchard, I decided to go get some not-easily-available manga for CF from Kinokuniya.
Censored material stuff, in other words.
I tried looking for the two titles. The map says that one was on shelf 26-H, but there is no such shelf. The shelf stopped at 26-A.
For the other book, the instruction said to seek the staff's assistance.
So I have to ask the staff for help.
First thing she asked was, "Is this for your own personal reading, sir?"
"Yes, they are."
"Please wait a moment. I'll check for the availability. If we have them, you have to show identification that you're eligible to buy them as these are conditional release titles."
Sheesh. The way this was happening, it almost seemed like I was buying hard core porn or something.
Or those which involve animals.
And so she went off to look for the books. They were stacked behind the counter. There were quite a number of other manga titles too.
After the titles were found and I showed my ID to prove my age, she handed over the books to me. Just as I was about to walk away, she turned around and asked her colleague nearby ...
"Do I need to escort him to the cashier?"
WTF? It's not like I was buying weapons or drugs or something dangerous .... Hmmm, what has CF gotten me into?
These titles had better be good and worth all the discomfort I was going through. Hmmm ... I wonder how hard core these titles are? The drawings on the cover seem to be quite mild ... but there is the word yaoi printed ...
Fortunately, her colleague replied no.
And I didn't get any strange looks from the cashier.
Or did I detect a hint of surpressed snigger?
Finally, the plastic was unwrapped and I got to see what all the fuss it's about.
There's nothing even remotely explicit in them, just
How disappointing! Anyway, it was to be expected. My sweet and mild-mannered boyfriend is just well ... sweet and mild mannered.
And hard core free.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Gaythering
I think I am the last one to post this.
Anyway, we had a farewell gathering last Saturday for Mrbunnyban, who is leaving for Australia in a couple of weeks.
The twelve of us met at TGIF The Curve. CF has always wanted to try out Friday and coincidentally, Mrbunnyban wanted Western cuisine too. So that was how the decision for the venue was made.
While CF was doing his facial (his very first), I was busy shopping for some work attire. As I was leaving G2000 and headed towards the beauty salon, I bumped into Mrbunnyban. With a bad case of flu.
The three of us went to TGIF to meet the others. Paul and Leggie were there soon after, followed by Alex, Joshua, Silentside, Harvey, Queerrant and McDave, and finally Xavier.
I wasn't feeling that well either, but when a bunch of gay guys get together, it's very difficult to NOT enjoy the company and banter and jokes. The energy and enthusiasm were infectious.
I have met Harvey earlier and I am glad that he enjoyed himself, as I was the one who invited him. Didn't get to talk to him much, but I think he had a good time talking to CF about games and some other stuff. With Queerrant next to him, I don't think he would be bored.
CF was more excited to come for this gathering when he knew that there would be people around his age. Afterall, I think they would have more in common to talk about. If not, CF would be bored and I would be the one to blame in the end ;P
Silentside is really an interesting and funny person. He can be really queenie if he wants to and his acting skills is amazing. I really enjoyed his company and look forward to seeing him again. He's like an Energizer bunny. LOL
It was also the first time I met Queerrant and McDave. They really are quite a match. I knew Queerrant from Fridae last September (I think) and it was a pleasure to finally meet him. Didn't get to talk much with him but he really is a nice chap with some very skanky ideas.
Last but not least is Xavier. When he arrived, he was regaling us with his misadventures of the day, which involved him going commando. Also, apparently he has been experiencing quite a bit of Love Luck. He is really funny too, with his big actions and facial expressions.
CF was in a bit of a foul mood, but he seemed to have cheered up a little after the facial. So I was spending quite a bit of time and effort to make sure he was enjoying himself.
Which he did. Though the wine in his steak kinda reversed his cheerfulness a little.
Overall I had a good time. I didn't talk much, as my hacking cough got in the way. I have met the others before and managed to catch up with happenings in their lives.
More than half the time, I was listening more and talking less. Cough, cough!
We left about half past twelve, after the second half of the England vs Portugal match had started. Yeah, I shouldn't be knowing which teams were playing and that sort of things, but I do! ;P
I was really glad to be able to meet Bunnyban one last time before he leaves. I think you will do fine there and it will be a great learning experience about life and people.
All the best to you in Australia! We will definitely miss you. *hugs*
P/S A big thank you to Alex and Xavier for organising this ;P
Anyway, we had a farewell gathering last Saturday for Mrbunnyban, who is leaving for Australia in a couple of weeks.
The twelve of us met at TGIF The Curve. CF has always wanted to try out Friday and coincidentally, Mrbunnyban wanted Western cuisine too. So that was how the decision for the venue was made.
While CF was doing his facial (his very first), I was busy shopping for some work attire. As I was leaving G2000 and headed towards the beauty salon, I bumped into Mrbunnyban. With a bad case of flu.
The three of us went to TGIF to meet the others. Paul and Leggie were there soon after, followed by Alex, Joshua, Silentside, Harvey, Queerrant and McDave, and finally Xavier.
I wasn't feeling that well either, but when a bunch of gay guys get together, it's very difficult to NOT enjoy the company and banter and jokes. The energy and enthusiasm were infectious.
I have met Harvey earlier and I am glad that he enjoyed himself, as I was the one who invited him. Didn't get to talk to him much, but I think he had a good time talking to CF about games and some other stuff. With Queerrant next to him, I don't think he would be bored.
CF was more excited to come for this gathering when he knew that there would be people around his age. Afterall, I think they would have more in common to talk about. If not, CF would be bored and I would be the one to blame in the end ;P
Silentside is really an interesting and funny person. He can be really queenie if he wants to and his acting skills is amazing. I really enjoyed his company and look forward to seeing him again. He's like an Energizer bunny. LOL
It was also the first time I met Queerrant and McDave. They really are quite a match. I knew Queerrant from Fridae last September (I think) and it was a pleasure to finally meet him. Didn't get to talk much with him but he really is a nice chap with some very skanky ideas.
Last but not least is Xavier. When he arrived, he was regaling us with his misadventures of the day, which involved him going commando. Also, apparently he has been experiencing quite a bit of Love Luck. He is really funny too, with his big actions and facial expressions.
CF was in a bit of a foul mood, but he seemed to have cheered up a little after the facial. So I was spending quite a bit of time and effort to make sure he was enjoying himself.
Which he did. Though the wine in his steak kinda reversed his cheerfulness a little.
Overall I had a good time. I didn't talk much, as my hacking cough got in the way. I have met the others before and managed to catch up with happenings in their lives.
More than half the time, I was listening more and talking less. Cough, cough!
We left about half past twelve, after the second half of the England vs Portugal match had started. Yeah, I shouldn't be knowing which teams were playing and that sort of things, but I do! ;P
I was really glad to be able to meet Bunnyban one last time before he leaves. I think you will do fine there and it will be a great learning experience about life and people.
All the best to you in Australia! We will definitely miss you. *hugs*
P/S A big thank you to Alex and Xavier for organising this ;P
Monday, July 03, 2006
Gratitude
I am grateful because I have
I feel so lucky and grateful for the last item, that I want to list some of CF's attributes down, so that I will always remember. You guys can knock me on the head if ever I were to forget these.
1) He's cute that another blogger said that he has this "boy-boy" innocent look that he wants to do some unmentionable stuff to him. Hmmmph, no way man! Though admittedly, I know exactly what he meant!
2) He's smart and quite insightful, yet modest. He blushes in a very adorable way when praised or if he's under the spotlight
3) He's such a nice and friendly guy, so much so that he has loads of friends who will call him out and want his company, that it's difficult for me to meet him sometimes
4) Artistic and kinda emotional (the two might be related somehow), with a sensitive soul and observant mind. Musically-inclined and anime/manga crazy.
5) Understands me very well and knows what I think and feel
6) Has straight characteristics, like not showing much emotions and err ... not as romantic as I would like. Afterall, he is who is he. Nevertheless, I have learnt some valuable lessons from him, like being strong in facing adversity and in dealing with challenges.
7) Is a good listener, even better than I am (as I consider myself to be a good listener too ;P)
8) Strong in his personal beliefs, which is good and bad. But more good than bad lar. It's bad for me when I am against his views XD
9) Most importantly, he's faithful and loyal and sweet and loves me very much for who I am
It has been six months already. I had a wonderful time over the weekend and I was reminded why I love him.
Time really flies. In exactly six weeks, CF is leaving for Vancouver and I won't be seeing him for at least a year.
It's going to be really tough for me, but then as they say, good things come to those who wait.
And he's definitely worth the wait. In gold.
- a wonderful family who really cares, especially my mom. But unfortunately it is something that I take for granted
- a good job, which provides enough for me to live comfortably and to indulge my boyfriend often
- relatively good health, though I have been coughing incessantly for the past week
- a best friend and a group of close friends from high school, whom I know I can depend on any time
- new found friends that I know from blogs and Fridae, whom I can rely on if I ever need anything (you guys know who you are!)
- and last but not least, a wonderful and beautiful soul whom I can proudly call my boyfriend
I feel so lucky and grateful for the last item, that I want to list some of CF's attributes down, so that I will always remember. You guys can knock me on the head if ever I were to forget these.
1) He's cute that another blogger said that he has this "boy-boy" innocent look that he wants to do some unmentionable stuff to him. Hmmmph, no way man! Though admittedly, I know exactly what he meant!
2) He's smart and quite insightful, yet modest. He blushes in a very adorable way when praised or if he's under the spotlight
3) He's such a nice and friendly guy, so much so that he has loads of friends who will call him out and want his company, that it's difficult for me to meet him sometimes
4) Artistic and kinda emotional (the two might be related somehow), with a sensitive soul and observant mind. Musically-inclined and anime/manga crazy.
5) Understands me very well and knows what I think and feel
6) Has straight characteristics, like not showing much emotions and err ... not as romantic as I would like. Afterall, he is who is he. Nevertheless, I have learnt some valuable lessons from him, like being strong in facing adversity and in dealing with challenges.
7) Is a good listener, even better than I am (as I consider myself to be a good listener too ;P)
8) Strong in his personal beliefs, which is good and bad. But more good than bad lar. It's bad for me when I am against his views XD
9) Most importantly, he's faithful and loyal and sweet and loves me very much for who I am
It has been six months already. I had a wonderful time over the weekend and I was reminded why I love him.
Time really flies. In exactly six weeks, CF is leaving for Vancouver and I won't be seeing him for at least a year.
It's going to be really tough for me, but then as they say, good things come to those who wait.
And he's definitely worth the wait. In gold.
Monday, June 26, 2006
The meaning of love Part II
I used to think that there exists "The One" for me. Someone out there who is perfectly compatible with me, our characteristics match and where my weakness is his strength.
Statistically, there should be such a person. Assume half the world population is male (3 billion). Further assume that 4% of that are gay (not 10%, which most people tend to wrongly quote from the Kinsey report), which means 120 million people.
Thus, the chances of me finding him is 1 in 120 million. Which is almost equivalent to a big fat zero. Also, there are so many variables, like he should be born geographically near me and not in an Eskimo tribe, he ought to be born in the same generation as I am and not 50 years earlier or later, etc.
Not to be cynical, but being practical, the way to solve this would be to make someone the one. This is something we can do, we can control, and not leave it in the hands of fate or coincidence.
As such, when Harvey asked me whether I am sure about my feelings for CF, I could only say, "I am happy when I am with him now. I love him and want to make him happy. The only thing that I am sure is my feelings for him NOW."
I believe in making the person I am in a relationship is, "The One".
Before that, he enquired about my first love. Which, even though I have had two relationships, I wouldn't call them relationships now, as they weren't what I would call as such in my definition. Or even love.
As I said earlier, I was probably in love with the notion of love itself. I wanted everything about love which I have seen in movies - stuttering words, weak knees, electrifying gaze and 200 heartbeats per minute.
Don't mean to disappoint you guys who still have that idea, but in reality, it was never like that for me.
Or maybe it's just me.
Harvey was a little erm ... persistent with his questioning. "How can you not be sure? Previously, you weren't sure with your earlier relationships, but even the current one you aren't sure?"
Nothing is certain. Only the present is.
I would like to have more certainty too, but CF is going to Canada for at least three years. Three years is a long time.
Though I must admit that Harvey's sister's experience with long-term relationship, whereby they managed to stay together after three years apart, was encouraging.
If CF were to have finished his degree currently, I could be fairly more certain of us and our future.
Not that I don't have faith in us or him, but in this case, I think only time can tell.
In addition, CF shares the same opinion. The present is the only certainty. Of course, he really hopes that we will still be together after he graduates.
And so do I.
Statistically, there should be such a person. Assume half the world population is male (3 billion). Further assume that 4% of that are gay (not 10%, which most people tend to wrongly quote from the Kinsey report), which means 120 million people.
Thus, the chances of me finding him is 1 in 120 million. Which is almost equivalent to a big fat zero. Also, there are so many variables, like he should be born geographically near me and not in an Eskimo tribe, he ought to be born in the same generation as I am and not 50 years earlier or later, etc.
Not to be cynical, but being practical, the way to solve this would be to make someone the one. This is something we can do, we can control, and not leave it in the hands of fate or coincidence.
As such, when Harvey asked me whether I am sure about my feelings for CF, I could only say, "I am happy when I am with him now. I love him and want to make him happy. The only thing that I am sure is my feelings for him NOW."
I believe in making the person I am in a relationship is, "The One".
Before that, he enquired about my first love. Which, even though I have had two relationships, I wouldn't call them relationships now, as they weren't what I would call as such in my definition. Or even love.
As I said earlier, I was probably in love with the notion of love itself. I wanted everything about love which I have seen in movies - stuttering words, weak knees, electrifying gaze and 200 heartbeats per minute.
Don't mean to disappoint you guys who still have that idea, but in reality, it was never like that for me.
Or maybe it's just me.
Harvey was a little erm ... persistent with his questioning. "How can you not be sure? Previously, you weren't sure with your earlier relationships, but even the current one you aren't sure?"
Nothing is certain. Only the present is.
I would like to have more certainty too, but CF is going to Canada for at least three years. Three years is a long time.
Though I must admit that Harvey's sister's experience with long-term relationship, whereby they managed to stay together after three years apart, was encouraging.
If CF were to have finished his degree currently, I could be fairly more certain of us and our future.
Not that I don't have faith in us or him, but in this case, I think only time can tell.
In addition, CF shares the same opinion. The present is the only certainty. Of course, he really hopes that we will still be together after he graduates.
And so do I.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
C.R.A.Z.Y
I met my second Malaysian blogger, Harvey, today. When I found out that he is going to be here, the first thing I thought of doing was to bring him to watch C.R.A.Z.Y with me.
As it is, I couldn't find anyone to watch the movie with. I can't possibly ask my straight colleagues to go with me and some of the bloggers have already watched it last week.
Before that, I have gone online to check out the movie and it has received good reviews at IMDB and here. It was even named best Canadian feature film at the Toronto International Film Festival.
So my expectations were raised. And I was not disappointed. Warning: There are some spoilers ahead.
C.R.A.Z.Y tells the story of a boy named Zac Beaulieu (who was damn cute as a seven year old and even yummier when he grew up) who was borned on Christmas in 1960. He was the fourth of five boys and his Dad seemed to love him more than Zac's other brothers, as Dad would bring him to eat some special french fries.
His older brothers could be packed into neatly boxes - eldest Christian was a bookworm / nerd, second one Raymond was into drugs and sex and Antoine was the jock / sportsman.
Zac didn't fit into any of these. In addition, he has a gift of healing people, especially burns. He also shared an emotional psychic connection with his Mom.
Things between the Dad and son turned sour when the Dad found him wearing a robe and some of his Mom's jewelry.
I found this to be a little stereotypical because gay men are just gay and most of them don't want to wear women's dresses. I don't deny the fact that there are gays who are like that, but definitely not many.
Probably I am being nitpicky, because how else is the Dad going to find out about Zac's orientation when he's only seven? There were some earlier signs like Zac wanting a tram for a toy and him holding a billowing tissue from the car's window.
From then on, small things like Zac getting into a fight would be viewed approvingly, as it is considered manly. And this was how the Dad consoled himself, or rather choose to deny the truth.
As Zac felt that he has lost that special relationship with his Dad because of his sexuality, he prayed every night to Jesus that he might be cured. "Please don't let me be ... "
When he was fifteen, he liked his cousin, Brigitte. It wasn't clear whether he really liked her because he really did or felt that he should like someone without a penis. Zac got jealous whenever Brigitte's boyfriend was around.
There was a schoolmate, Michelle, who liked him but Zac would not allow things to go further, because "it might ruin our friendship". But out of a need to redeem himself in his father's eyes, to meet his Dad's expectations, he finally went out with Michelle.
Things between father and son seemed to have returned to normal, till Dad saw Zac with a guy coming back home.
When questioned, Zac denied anything happened. But the Dad refused to believe him.
Thre was this scene in the bathroom, between the two parents which I found hilarious.
Dad: It can't be right for someone to want to stick his pecker into another's ass.
Mom: You seemed to have a short memory.
Dad: Well, maybe once.
Silence.
Dad: Twice? But who's counting?
Mom: More than twice. And I should know as I am counting.
Predictably, he was sent to a psychiatrist. And this was where Zac demonstrated how he himself has internalised homophobia. Dialogue taken from IMDB.
Zac: Do I look like a fag? Do I talk with a lisp? Strut like a peacock?
Shrink: Nice idea of homosexuals you've got there. They're not all like that.
Zac: They all become that way. Sooner of later.
Zac: This is a waste of time. I'm not a fag. I'd rather die. [looking at the shrink, uncomfortable]
Zac: It's just a fugure of speech. Isn't it obvious? Being happy and healthy, or miserable and fucked-up. It's a no-brainer.
Which I feel clearly showed that being gay is NOT a choice.
There was another time, when Zac was 20 and he was seen by someone to be kissing Michelle's boyfriend. The truth was he did not; they were doing something called the shotgun, where a cigarette is inverted in a person's mouth and the other person inhale the smoke produced, which of course has to be done with both lips almost touching.
Dad: Be a man for once in your life and tell the truth!
Zac: What do you want to hear? That I'm gay?! A fag?! That I suck cock?! Yes something happened but not with him. You know with who. Nothing happened earlier (which referred to the incident that got him sent to the psychiatrist). But I would've fucking loved it if something had! Fucking right!
Sometimes, a person can only see thing one way and couldn't believe otherwise, even when the truth is staring right at him.
Overall, I find the movie to be excellent. The acting, storyline and soundtrack were superb.
However the direction is less than tight. At more than two hours, some of the things could have been taken out. All is forgiven as the lead actor is pretty cute, so the length just provides more time to do look at his handsomely boysih face. ;P
For myself, I don't quite relate to the film. For one, I have no intention of impressing my Dad by proving that I am masculine. Perhaps because we didn't really have that special bond to begin with.
Or that the stage of denial and making myself change seemed so distant now. Aargh! But I am not that old what ...
Secondly, the religious theme is a bit too strong for me. As Zac shared the same birthday with Christ, quite a few things were put to faith to change. Like how Zac would equate surviving walking home in heavy snow would mean him overcoming his asthma. And like how he tried to do the same thing with walking across the desert to overcome his homosexuality and almost died as a result.
Other than that, I would say that the movie portrayed the issue of coming out and coming to terms with one's sexuality as best as it can. It is even funny at times, like the situations that Zac got himself into. The struggle, the uncertainty, the need to be accepted by parents and peers, the need to fit in, etc were accurately and ably carried out.
Oh, and I definitely love the songs in the movie. Even the French ones.
"I want to be like everyone else."
"Thank God you never will."
Harvey liked the film a lot, as he said he could relate to it. Probably he would blog about it too.
As a reviewer said in a free Singaporean daily,
Nevertheless, the mainstream movie deserves praise for tackling the stubborn persistence of homophobia in a so-called liberal society. It's just unfortunate that such an old storyline remains relevant today.
Ultimately, it's no one's fault if a son or daughter is gay. The Dad would usually not know how to deal with it (a boy should be like a boy; there's no two ways about it); the son or daughter would have a difficult time to deal with and the Mom would be stuck in-between.
I leave you with the theme song of the movie, Crazy by Cline Patsy, which was also the Zac's dad favourite song.
As it is, I couldn't find anyone to watch the movie with. I can't possibly ask my straight colleagues to go with me and some of the bloggers have already watched it last week.
Before that, I have gone online to check out the movie and it has received good reviews at IMDB and here. It was even named best Canadian feature film at the Toronto International Film Festival.
So my expectations were raised. And I was not disappointed. Warning: There are some spoilers ahead.
C.R.A.Z.Y tells the story of a boy named Zac Beaulieu (who was damn cute as a seven year old and even yummier when he grew up) who was borned on Christmas in 1960. He was the fourth of five boys and his Dad seemed to love him more than Zac's other brothers, as Dad would bring him to eat some special french fries.
His older brothers could be packed into neatly boxes - eldest Christian was a bookworm / nerd, second one Raymond was into drugs and sex and Antoine was the jock / sportsman.
Zac didn't fit into any of these. In addition, he has a gift of healing people, especially burns. He also shared an emotional psychic connection with his Mom.
Things between the Dad and son turned sour when the Dad found him wearing a robe and some of his Mom's jewelry.
I found this to be a little stereotypical because gay men are just gay and most of them don't want to wear women's dresses. I don't deny the fact that there are gays who are like that, but definitely not many.
Probably I am being nitpicky, because how else is the Dad going to find out about Zac's orientation when he's only seven? There were some earlier signs like Zac wanting a tram for a toy and him holding a billowing tissue from the car's window.
From then on, small things like Zac getting into a fight would be viewed approvingly, as it is considered manly. And this was how the Dad consoled himself, or rather choose to deny the truth.
As Zac felt that he has lost that special relationship with his Dad because of his sexuality, he prayed every night to Jesus that he might be cured. "Please don't let me be ... "
When he was fifteen, he liked his cousin, Brigitte. It wasn't clear whether he really liked her because he really did or felt that he should like someone without a penis. Zac got jealous whenever Brigitte's boyfriend was around.
There was a schoolmate, Michelle, who liked him but Zac would not allow things to go further, because "it might ruin our friendship". But out of a need to redeem himself in his father's eyes, to meet his Dad's expectations, he finally went out with Michelle.
Things between father and son seemed to have returned to normal, till Dad saw Zac with a guy coming back home.
When questioned, Zac denied anything happened. But the Dad refused to believe him.
Thre was this scene in the bathroom, between the two parents which I found hilarious.
Dad: It can't be right for someone to want to stick his pecker into another's ass.
Mom: You seemed to have a short memory.
Dad: Well, maybe once.
Silence.
Dad: Twice? But who's counting?
Mom: More than twice. And I should know as I am counting.
Predictably, he was sent to a psychiatrist. And this was where Zac demonstrated how he himself has internalised homophobia. Dialogue taken from IMDB.
Zac: Do I look like a fag? Do I talk with a lisp? Strut like a peacock?
Shrink: Nice idea of homosexuals you've got there. They're not all like that.
Zac: They all become that way. Sooner of later.
Zac: This is a waste of time. I'm not a fag. I'd rather die. [looking at the shrink, uncomfortable]
Zac: It's just a fugure of speech. Isn't it obvious? Being happy and healthy, or miserable and fucked-up. It's a no-brainer.
Which I feel clearly showed that being gay is NOT a choice.
There was another time, when Zac was 20 and he was seen by someone to be kissing Michelle's boyfriend. The truth was he did not; they were doing something called the shotgun, where a cigarette is inverted in a person's mouth and the other person inhale the smoke produced, which of course has to be done with both lips almost touching.
Dad: Be a man for once in your life and tell the truth!
Zac: What do you want to hear? That I'm gay?! A fag?! That I suck cock?! Yes something happened but not with him. You know with who. Nothing happened earlier (which referred to the incident that got him sent to the psychiatrist). But I would've fucking loved it if something had! Fucking right!
Sometimes, a person can only see thing one way and couldn't believe otherwise, even when the truth is staring right at him.
Overall, I find the movie to be excellent. The acting, storyline and soundtrack were superb.
However the direction is less than tight. At more than two hours, some of the things could have been taken out. All is forgiven as the lead actor is pretty cute, so the length just provides more time to do look at his handsomely boysih face. ;P
For myself, I don't quite relate to the film. For one, I have no intention of impressing my Dad by proving that I am masculine. Perhaps because we didn't really have that special bond to begin with.
Or that the stage of denial and making myself change seemed so distant now. Aargh! But I am not that old what ...
Secondly, the religious theme is a bit too strong for me. As Zac shared the same birthday with Christ, quite a few things were put to faith to change. Like how Zac would equate surviving walking home in heavy snow would mean him overcoming his asthma. And like how he tried to do the same thing with walking across the desert to overcome his homosexuality and almost died as a result.
Other than that, I would say that the movie portrayed the issue of coming out and coming to terms with one's sexuality as best as it can. It is even funny at times, like the situations that Zac got himself into. The struggle, the uncertainty, the need to be accepted by parents and peers, the need to fit in, etc were accurately and ably carried out.
Oh, and I definitely love the songs in the movie. Even the French ones.
"I want to be like everyone else."
"Thank God you never will."
Harvey liked the film a lot, as he said he could relate to it. Probably he would blog about it too.
As a reviewer said in a free Singaporean daily,
Nevertheless, the mainstream movie deserves praise for tackling the stubborn persistence of homophobia in a so-called liberal society. It's just unfortunate that such an old storyline remains relevant today.
Ultimately, it's no one's fault if a son or daughter is gay. The Dad would usually not know how to deal with it (a boy should be like a boy; there's no two ways about it); the son or daughter would have a difficult time to deal with and the Mom would be stuck in-between.
I leave you with the theme song of the movie, Crazy by Cline Patsy, which was also the Zac's dad favourite song.
Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Eye candy
Last Saturday was my company's Family Day. It was held at Sentosa. We were divided into a few teams and had to move from one place to place to play games with health-related themes. For example, we had to match food with the amount of fat they contain, eat so-called scary and horrible but yet healthy food like bitter gourd, etc.
Basically easy stuff. Have to skip a bit, jump a little, run for a while. ;P
Anyway, that was not the point of this post. What I wanted to share is that out of the seven tasks we had to do, my team missed out one. As in, we didn't even go to that station at all, where we were supposed to get wet either by playing frisbee (I have no idea how) or kayaking.
A bit unlucky, as that station was manned by two guys. Cute ones, I might add. All the other stations were manned (womanned?) by girls.
Needless to say, I only found out about this after the whole thing was over.
We gathered after that and while waiting for the results to be announced, we had lunch. I went to the bathroom to well ... use the bathroom and who should I see?
Yup, the two of them. One was tall, about six feet, with glasses but he doesn't have the nerdy look. The other one was shorter but still quite good-looking.
To me, the taller one was cuter. And he was shirtless. ;P
They were both talking and I was washing my hands at the basin, I could see them in the mirror which was in front of me.
I was thinking of staying longer so that I mightdrool at admire his nice and well-defined body. No other way but to strike up a conversation.
"Hmmm, so the two of you were in charge of the kayaking task? My team missed out on that ler."
"Yeah, we were. How come you missed it? It was very fun .... "
"Yeah, too bad. So how come you're taking shower here?May I join? Aren't you going home after this?"
"No, we are going out somewhere."
So far, it was the cuter one who has been talking. Not sure whether they are gay or better still a couple, as they do make quite a cute pair but it didn't matter.
The point was that I got tostare admire longer.
I went home pretty tired and with a little something which I won during the lucky draw.
That was indeed a memorable day.
Basically easy stuff. Have to skip a bit, jump a little, run for a while. ;P
Anyway, that was not the point of this post. What I wanted to share is that out of the seven tasks we had to do, my team missed out one. As in, we didn't even go to that station at all, where we were supposed to get wet either by playing frisbee (I have no idea how) or kayaking.
A bit unlucky, as that station was manned by two guys. Cute ones, I might add. All the other stations were manned (womanned?) by girls.
Needless to say, I only found out about this after the whole thing was over.
We gathered after that and while waiting for the results to be announced, we had lunch. I went to the bathroom to well ... use the bathroom and who should I see?
Yup, the two of them. One was tall, about six feet, with glasses but he doesn't have the nerdy look. The other one was shorter but still quite good-looking.
To me, the taller one was cuter. And he was shirtless. ;P
They were both talking and I was washing my hands at the basin, I could see them in the mirror which was in front of me.
I was thinking of staying longer so that I might
"Hmmm, so the two of you were in charge of the kayaking task? My team missed out on that ler."
"Yeah, we were. How come you missed it? It was very fun .... "
"Yeah, too bad. So how come you're taking shower here?
"No, we are going out somewhere."
So far, it was the cuter one who has been talking. Not sure whether they are gay or better still a couple, as they do make quite a cute pair but it didn't matter.
The point was that I got to
I went home pretty tired and with a little something which I won during the lucky draw.
That was indeed a memorable day.
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