The meaning of love Part I

Most people would say that love is a feeling. But feeling changes, it’s ephemeral. One day I can be really happy and up-and-about and the next I could have wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

The feeling of love makes me feel like doing mushy and romantic stuff. Nevertheless, the act of love or a loving gesture, even without the feeling of love, can induce the loving feeling.

Geddit?

For example, even when I am feeling upset, I would still show concern and care for my partner. I would still hug him, touch him, ask how his day was, even when I don’t feel like talking or am too tired.

Without realizing it, the feeling of love would come. Which explains why love can be nurtured. And also arranged marriages.

Not that I am a proponent of the latter.

I am one who is expressive and don’t see the point of keeping my feelings in a bottle. We’re humans after all and we’re creatures of emotions, not a piece of brick. Obviously, this would mean that people can read my emotions well, especially if I like someone a lot.

Call me a romantic or what, but I do believe that love can makes me want to do great things, impossible things, silly things. It energises me and gives me strength. Listening to my partner’s voice makes me feel good and warm inside. It elicits the desire to make him happy and contented always.

This is my style of love. I believe in living and loving passionately. Which of course would entail painful heartbreaks as well if things don’t work out. I realized it’s a little reckless, but still ….

I trust him completely. Someone said that love is like giving one’s heart to another and trusting that he won’t break it.

For me, I don’t see the point of loving another if I still want to hold back a part of myself.

True, it may be wiser to hold back something, just in case the other person does break my heart, to lessen the pain if it were to happen, but then, isn’t life about living fully?

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

A marriage without conflicts is almost as inconceivable as a nation without crises. - Andre' Maurois

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. – Tolstoy

Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I should lower my expecations, for the sake of us.

P/S Just want to write down my thoughts and feelings. Don't worry, both of us are OK. ;P

Coming out anniversary

I’ve never been that close to my family. Probably of the wall I have erected around myself about being gay, a part of me which is shielded from them to avoid confrontations and conflict. It’s like living a double life.

It’s still difficult to open up now, not for lack of trying but of habit. Just when I thought that things would improve as she knows of my relationship, I had to move here to Singapore to work.

Last Sunday was the anniversary of my coming out to my Mom. She knows what am I doing now and who am I dating.

That doesn’t mean that she approves though. When I was back in KL over the weekend, there was something that happened between CF and I which made me really unhappy. Mom being Mom, she knew what I was feeling even though I tried to act as normal as I could.

Or maybe I was trying hard enough. I looked distracted most of the time.

She thought that CF and I had broken up or something like that. She consoled me by saying in Chinese “loh tak hei yew fong tak tai”; that I should learn to let go and move on.

Well, that sounded like the right thing to say if I had broken up right? But then she went on to say that why don’t I try dating the opposite sex and who knows, I might have feelings for them.

Not again.

It was a strange coincidence that exactly one year later from my coming out, she should say something like that. I am not saying that I am blaming her for not accepting yet, but I am still hoping that she will soon.

Obviously, she only has my interest at heart and should things in life don't turn out well, I know I have her on my side always.

There are bad news and good news

Sorry for the lack of postings.

Anyway, these articles leave me speechless. I really wonder which planet did the Perak Mufti come from? He is also the person who last year suggested that HIV positive people be sent to an island to live as not to infect others.

Articles have been edited for brevity.

Tuesday, 13 June
Mufti: Beware of pluralism and liberalism

IPOH: Elements of liberalism and pluralism have crept into the thinking of some so-called Muslim intellectuals, and this could affect the Muslim lifestyle, said Perak Mufti Datuk Harussani Zakaria.

He said discussions on polygamy, the faraidh system, revision of the Quran, setting up of an Inter-Faith Commission and abolishment of Article 121 (1A) of the Federal Constitution, were getting louder as more Malaysians were embracing liberalism and pluralism.

“If left unchecked, liberalism and pluralism will be difficult to control,” he said in his keynote speech Purifying Islam from Liberalism and Pluralism at the Ulama Convention 2006 here yesterday.

Harussani said Muslims, whether policymakers or ordinary people, should know that liberalism and pluralism were alien to the fundamentals of Islam.

“The intellectuals and leaders must be aware of the threats to Islam posed by these elements,” he added.

He proposed that Islamic countries set up a body to monitor the influence of Western thinking and culture.

I have no idea how pluralism is an alien concept to Islam. Didn’t Muslims and non-Muslims live peacefully and harmoniously together in Madinah, where the Prophet set up his base?

As defined by Wikipedia, but taken from this blog, religious pluralism is a loosely defined term concerning peaceful relations between different religions, and is also used in a number of related ways:
► as a synonym for religious relativism; that one's religion is not the sole and exclusive source of truth, and that some level of truth and value exists in at least some other religions.
► as a synonym for ecumenism. At a minimum, ecumenism is the promotion of unity, co-operation, or improved understanding between different denominations within the same religion, or sometimes between different religions.
► as a synonym for religious tolerance, which is a condition of harmonious co-existence between adherents of different religions or religious denominations.

More outrageous words from him.

Wednesday, 14 June
Ulamas want kongsi raya celebrations reviewed

IPOH: Ulamas attending a conference here want several practices such as the “kongsi raya” celebrations and open houses reviewed to ensure that they do not contradict Islamic laws.

Ulama Conference 2006 working committee chairman Datuk Seri Harussani Zakaria said this was necessary because the National Fatwa Committee had decided that celebrating the festivals of other religions could erode the faith of Muslims and could lead to blasphemy.

Harussani, who is also the Perak Mufti, said the resolutions passed included asking all state Fatwa Councils to set up their respective action committee specifically to respond to views put forward by practitioners of liberalism and pluralism, which attack the faith of Muslims.

The Government was also urged to set up a monitoring body made up of academicians and ulamas to stop the spread of liberal Islamic thinking, especially through the Internet.

“I’m also made to understand that followers of liberal Islamic thinking are waiting for this resolution so that they can draw up a new strategy to counter it,” said Harussani.

Good thing he’s not someone really powerful. At least I don’t think so. Be that as it may, surely there would be some people who would be influenced by what this ulama said.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt - Mark Twain

I end with a positive article.

Salib Dan Patung Hindu Dalam Masjid Amalan Biasa?
04 Jun, 2006 21:05 PM

BANTUL (Yogyakarta), 4 Jun (Bernama) -- Pasukan Bulan Sabit Merah Malaysia (PBSM) yang ke sini dalam misi membantu mangsa gempa bumi terkejut bila melihat kewujudan salib dan patung Hindu dalam sebuah masjid ketika hendak menunai solat zohor di sebuah perkampungan dekat sini hari ini.

Seorang anggota pasukan PBSM, Jeffrey Hassan berkata setelah pasukannya memberi bantuan rawatan kepada mangsa-mangsa di perkampungan Gepoko, mereka bersiap-siap untuk melakukan solat zohor.

"Saya bertanyakan orang kampung di mana letaknya masjid dan mereka menunjukkan arahnya.

"Tapi, alangkah terkejutnya kami, sebaik masuk ke masjid kami lihat sebuah salib, lambang penganut Kristian, dan patung Hindu di dalamnya," kata Jeffrey.

"Kami tak jadi solat, lalu bertanyakan orang kampung bagaimana perkara sedemikian boleh terjadi," katanya.

"Itu biasa aja. Sememangnya telah lama kami lakukan begitu. Kami di sini berkongsi melakukan ibadat dalam satu masjid," kata seorang penduduk.

"Pada hari Jumaat masjid itu digunakan oleh orang Islam, Ahad oleh orang Kristian dan Selasa untuk orang Hindu," katanya. --BERNAMA

Basically the article says that some of my fellow countrymen, who were looking for place to pray, were extremely shocked to find a cross and a statue of a Hindu deity in a mosque in Yogyakarta.

When they asked the locals, they replied that it's a very normal practice since ages ago. On Fridays, the mosque is used by Muslims for prayers; on Sundays it is used by Christians and on Tuesdays by the Hindus.

How's that for pluralism! That is definitely not going to happen in Malaysia anytime soon.

Changing the Muslim mindset

I find the article below extremely enlightening. I know that Malaysia is conservative, but I didn't know that the other Islamic countries are that progressive.

The article is below. The cached link is here.

Changing the Muslim mindset
19 May 2006
Zainah Anwar

IN a seminal speech on Islam Hadhari and women's rights at the Women's Institute of Management last year, the Prime Minister said the biggest stumbling block to women's progress and development in the area of rights and equality relates to mindsets and attitudes towards women.

To an audience of high- achieving women, he admitted that there were "elements within our society who are uncomfortable with the advancement of women. They try to obstruct the progress of women through barriers and strictures legitimised in the name of religion or culture."

In making a plea for ijtihad (reinterpretation), he stated that "the problems confronting contemporary Muslim societies today are not the problems of the sixth century, and the solutions do not lie with the notion of a Syariah purportedly final and complete 1,400 years ago, particularly in the case of women".

"The notion that the Islamic concept of law is absolute and hence immutable has resulted in intellectual inertia among some scholars, noticeably on the subject of women and, sadly, in a continued injustice towards them.

"When the history of the 21st century is recorded," he said, "let Malaysia be mentioned in the context of not only progress and achievement for the country but also the advancement, empowerment and emancipation of women."

We in the women's movement could not have asked for a stronger, clearer policy statement from the Prime Minister. The challenge remains in how we translate these words into deeds. This is a tall order for Malaysia.

The statement last week by the Mufti of Johor, Datuk Noh Gadut, that it is forbidden for Muslim men to be house-husbands is a reflection of the mindset the Prime Minister was talking about.

Changing realities stare us in the face and our religious leaders and Islamist ideologues are stuck in an understanding of gender roles and Islamic knowledge constructed within the social context of the mediaeval age. They do a disservice to Muslims and the country.

Many Muslim scholars, whether from this region or from the Middle East or South Asia, are puzzled how Malaysia could be so modern and progressive in many ways when the many Muslims they meet at academic meetings and international conferences are so conservative the ologically and ideologically.

For those who admire Malaysia's success story, the absence of academic rigour and the dogmatism displayed are painful and embarrassing. They are beginning to question the international assumption that Malaysia is indeed the model progressive Muslim country it is touted to be. At the economic development level, yes, they say, but at the Islamic scholarship and ideological level, it is a perilous no.

A member of a team of Islamic officials sent by the Government to visit several Arab countries to look at their laws on apostasy said he was surprised to find the ulama there far more enlightened than ours, and that not a single country he visited prescribed the death penalty for apostasy.

He said every single Arab scholar he met was unequivocal about the Quranic injunction that there can be no compulsion in religion. A personal change of faith does not merit any form of state punishment.

Dr Hiba Rauf, the well- known Islamist woman leader from Egypt, asked me at a meeting in Cairo two years ago why Malaysian students at al-Azhar University were so closed-minded.

She was surprised as she had thought Malaysia was modern and progressive.

This same observation was made by an Indonesian activist who studied at al-Azhar. He said every single Malaysian student he met there, "down to the last 8,000th", was "ultra-conservative".

He took it as a personal challenge to engage with them, spending hours in long debates on women's rights, democracy, human rights, differences of opinion, all using arguments drawn from Islam's rich theological and juristic heritage.

Some of them, he said, did change their opinions, or were at least willing to debate and think more critically on these issues.

He observed that the closed- mindedness of the Malaysian students was not so much ideological but largely because they were exposed only to conservative traditionalist thinking in Islam.

He said they had never read the more enlightened works of Islamic scholars, from the classical period, let alone contemporary times, that he had been exposed to as a student of Islam in a Nahdlatul Ulama pesantren and later at the State Islamic University in Jakarta.

The students' mindset, he said, made them easy targets for recruitment into Pas and Islamist movements pushing for the supremacy of Syariah rule.

While the Islamic institutes in Indonesia are already producing the second generation of enlightened progressive scholars, policymakers and activists who are challenging and resisting demands for a hardline understanding of Islam and calls for an Islamic state and Syariah rule by newly established militant and conservative Islamist groups, Malaysia is hard-pressed to find such progressive individuals educated within our Islamic education system.

The failure of the Government's Islamisation project to produce enlightened thinkers and activists, or Islamic laws and policies is largely due to the absence of the intellectual capital needed to spearhead the agenda.

In pushing his Islam Hadhari project, a modern and progressive Islam, Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi must search for the enlightened software — the first- class mindset — that is so necessary to drive the change.

In the wrong hands, his Islam Hadhari agenda — just as with Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad's Islamisation policy — could be hijacked by the Maududi and Syed Qutb ideologues and the traditionalist ulama who still dominate the Islamic establishment here.

There are lessons to be learnt from Indonesia and Morocco, in education reform, and from Iran, where an Islamic revolution has failed to deliver on its promises of justice, freedom and prosperity.

So too from among the many Islamic scholars who have been forced to live in exile in the West because their lives were endangered and their houses firebombed by fellow Muslims back home.

Many of these scholars are now at the forefront of the new Islamic scholarship emerging in the last 15 years or so, generating new possibilities of meaning in our engagement with the Text and the Tradition in the light of the realities of our lives today, the circumstances we live in, and the challenges we face.

In Indonesia, besides the abundance of progressive scholarship by their own thinkers, new writings by Muslim scholars in English, French, Arabic and Persian, are translated into Bahasa Indonesia within months of publication.

They are consumed voraciously by students, scholars and activists, huddled together in numerous "diskusi" (discussion) groups on campuses, in pesantren and in the community.

The writings of feminist Islamic scholars such as Amina Wadud, Ziba Mir-Hosseini, Asma Barlas, Leila Ahmad, Fatima Mernissi and Riffat Hassan, and even Sisters in Islam's letters-to-the-editor and Question and Answer booklets are among student reading materials in courses on Islam and gender, contemporary Islamic thought, Islamic jurisprudence and Quranic Interpretation.

Gender studies are integrated into every discipline.

The Gender Studies Centre in the Islamic universities in Jakarta and Yogyakarta train teaching staff and students in gender and Islam.

The undergraduate and graduate programmes offer courses in Gender and Theology, Gender and Islamic Jurisprudence, Family and Gender in Religious Perspective.

A new Master's programme in Gender and Religion has been introduced at the State Islamic University in Jakarta.

In courses taught by these progressive scholars, a diversity of opinions from a diversity of sources and periods are studied and debated.

Students are taught to understand critically and analytically the methodology and processes of textual and legal interpretation within historical and contemporary social and legal contexts.

Law is not taught as dogma, but as socially constructed within particular times and circumstances.

The source may be divine, but the knowledge produced is a human construct to serve the cause of justice of that period.

None of the Islamic studies or Islamic law faculties in Malaysia comes close to this pedagogy, even in offering a basic course on Contemporary Islamic Thought.

This is not surprising.

An ideological battle is taking place between those who demand an Islamic state asserting different rights for men and women, for Muslims and non-Muslims and those who believe in a democratic state with equal rights, fundamental liberties and justice for all, and who celebrate the blessings of this multi-ethnic and multi-religious country.

Where Islamic studies in Malaysia is concerned, the Islamic state ideologues are in control.

At the street level, the mob rule displayed in Penang last Sunday took this ideological battle to another level.

The police, in asking law-abiding citizens engaged in a rational and peaceful discussion on constitutional matters to consider aborting their meeting, set a dangerous precedent. Those who threatened peace and public order were allowed to prevail over those who believe in dialogue and the Constitution.

Go read the comments by some Malaysians here, where they said that the author should start wearing a headscarf first before telling others to change and think.

For example, someone said that "She can't even bring herself to cover her own aurat, yet she has the cheek to be a self-proclaimed defender of Islam. At least wear the tudung first, then speak out all you want Zainah."

Why should a person's choice to cover up or not even matter, when she is making a lot of sense and merely reporting what is happening in other parts of the world? Does not wearing the scarf make her statements less true?

Our Malaysian society is obsessed with physical appearances. They really believe that the clothes make the man.

It's only true to a certain extent.

Someone wearing a kopiah is deemed religious, even though he could be buying the lottery every week. A Muslim woman is considered religious if she covers her aurat, even though she might be cheating on her husband.

I believe that what a person does and how he acts, as more important.

In fact, even actions can be misleading. What if someone won a tender to build a mosque, but the tender was gotten by giving some extra money?

The point being that nothing is ever black and white. The fixation on clothes is a feeble attempt of someone who doesn't want to know deeper, who doesn't want to make an effort to know the other person better, who just takes things at face value.

Basically, someone who doesn't think for himself. Believing in things just because everyone thinks so or because he has been told as such.

Women covered head to toe = good and pious. Women wearing mini-skirts = bad and promiscuous.

Life is not that simple. It never is.

In addition, I have always believe that things that need defending means that it is weak in the first place. Like masculinity 1 2

With all the things that have been happening in Malaysia, from Moorthy's case to the cancelled forum in Penang, things does not look too good, especially for non-Muslims.

Crying help for Crying Out Love

CF and I have been looking for this movie called “Crying Out Love in the Center of the World”. It’s a Japanese movie and was released last year. It has received excellent reviews and has won numerous awards.

I found the VCD here in Singapore, but I am so NOT paying $27 (RM60) for it.

Anyone knows where to find a good selection of foreign movies in KL from you-know-who? Sungai Wang? Usually they would only have the blockbusters and popular movies, not foreign fare.

If you do, please let me know. Thank you so much.

My first movie in Singapore

Trip back to KL was great, albeit too short.

I didn't have much time; everything felt rushed. I left work on Friday, took a 6.30 p.m. bus, reached KL at midnight, spend the night with CF till Saturday 4 p.m., went home, spend time with family till Sunday afternoon and then I took the 4.30pm bus back to Singapore.

Wheew!

As I have promised him, we went to Crystal Jade in Sungai Wang for lunch. It has been more than a month since we went and I could tell that CF was really happy.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach ;P

Though I was quite surprised when he didn’t want to order a second helping of the steamed Shanghai buns (his favourite).

Even though I only sat for my exam last Wednesday, it feels like it has been a long time ago. Perhaps it’s the sense of finality that I am err … finally done with it. Perhaps it’s the exam momentum or euphoria or something, but I’m quite hyped to take on the next exam! Which by the way, is in January.

Yeah I know it's weird. Who would look forward to exams, right?

*******************

I just watched my first movie in Singapore yesterday – Da Vinci Code. It was not as bad as some people had made it out to be. Reviews had called it unexciting, dull, boring, too long, etc.

Perhaps it was my lowered expectation; I kind of enjoyed it. I think Ron Howard did as best a job as he could with the adaptation. All the important bits were there.

Though the colleague that I went to watch with did say that he didn’t get the whole story.

Suspense and pace were lacking a bit though.

Now, I can finally understand what the whole fuss is about that churches want to ban the movie and all. The movie does come across as blasphemous. But the point is that, it's just fiction.

We went to Lido cinema, which is huge and really nice. The only gripe I have is that we got the back seats and the screen looks quite small from there. I mean, it was the smallest I have ever experienced. Even in KL, from the last row, the screen isn’t that tiny.

Probably what made it feel that way is that the screen isn’t from wall to wall; there is a huge pillar between the wall and the screen on both sides. Which meant that the image is around 80% smaller than it would have been without the pillars obstructing.

Anyway, I really want to watch X-Men 3. Both CF and I love the movie and had planned to watch it together. As I’ll only be back again in two weeks time, I would have to be patient. Though CF had watched it yesterday with his college friends, he doesn’t mind watching it again.

In case you are wondering, it’s not he can’t wait to watch the movie; it’s just that he can’t really be saying to his friends, “Oh, I am waiting for my boyfriend to come back so that we can watch together. So sorry, I can’t join you”, can he?

It’s the summer blockbuster season and there are so many movies to watch, so little time. The current animation, Over the Hedge, has received good reviews but I couldn’t find anyone to watch it with. Another animation which I really want to catch since last year is Cars, coming out in June.

In addition, it has got the thumbs up by Suanie.

One last thing. I came across this letter and thought I would share it. It is indeed heartening to know that there are still logical and intelligent people straight males. If only there were more people who can think and arrive at similiar conclusions like the author ...

The letter has been edited for brevity. Parts in bold are my own. The original can be found here, titled Responding with Thought.

I'm not gay.

I never had any gay friends (or maybe some kept that part of themselves to themselves) or many friends for that matter.

But I have absolutely no sympathy for zealous fundamentalists who seem to forget that it is by GRACE that they are "saved"; that forgiveness and forbearance must first be proffered and not expected; that no one was, is or will ever be perfect this side of heaven. They claim to worship God, but have conveniently forgotten the message of forgiveness and love (in every sense of the word) that the life, action and words of the Messiah Jesus Christ has exemplified. In their pursuit of their interpretation of holiness, they've lost their humanity and compassion. Since you'll be judged by God, then don't judge others because there can be only one to judge the finality of all things. Indeed the bible has warned that it is by the measure you judge others that you'll be judged.

I've told my friend that in my opinion, straight males despises gays because they're terrified of the thought of being sodomised as it'll rob them of the dominant role of being a male -- one that penetrates and not one receiving penetration, which in their world, only women do. [Derek: I have said it numerous times: it's called "threatened masculinity". Why is masculinity so easily threatened? ;P] Curiously, it doesn't bother some of them that they enjoy anal sex (but only with women, please) because again, they're in their comfort zone as being the dominant partner who penetrates, though technically, they too are committing sodomy (I apologise if this choice of word caused grief & offence as it's a emotionally-loaded term).

Anyway, at this point in time, after a period of academic reflection, my conclusion is that discrimination against gays is due to fear and loathing.

If the unenlightened individual chooses to believe that "every gay's up to fuck me in the arse at every given opportunity" then by extension, every heterosexual male will be raping all available females within his reach. Just as straight males are only attracted to certain females while constantly thinking of sex, I believe that a gay male need to have certain taste, preference and standards met before he's ready to express his interest. The only heartache is when the other party does not reciprocate (either because he's "not like that" or just plain "not interested"). But hey, doesn't that occur in the non-gay sphere too?

To tar all gays as sexual predators ever-ready to shaft you in the arse at the drop of the hat means that for the sake of equity and fairness, we should label all straight males as rapists, adulterers, paedophiles and the like because they exist among them too.

I try to intellectualise the acceptance of gays people by comparing it to preferences each of us have towards our likes and dislikes. But I fear that you may dismiss it as a patronising attitude [Note by Yawning Bread: I most certainly don't. In fact, I thank you for your honesty and sharing.] But I haven't arrived at a better way to rationalise it. Perhaps it seems that I'm struggling hard not to fall into the clutches of irrational fear and callous prejudice. Or perhaps my approach is wrong because should I expect a gay person to rationalise my sexual orientation which he does not share? Sexual orientation and expression is but only a part of our human makeup. To some, it is small and unimportant; to others, it's the core of their existence.

So in closing, perhaps we should try to see any individual in his totality instead of zooming in on one aspect of his being which may (and usually) obscures the paradox of both beauty & ugliness that lies in each of us.

Nevertheless, I freely admit my discomfort if I'm propositioned by a gay person (like I have such attractive qualities that are so irresistible).

A carnivore must eat meat & a herbivore must eat plants. It's just the way they are. So if I'm turned on by (some) women, how do I explain or rationalise to a person who's not? The short answer is "There's no why. It's just my nature." With that, I think I can now understand and accept the very same answer to the question I pose to any gay person as to why they like what they like.

So I believe honesty, sensitivity, compassion and true love (wow this concept's just too huge) can go a long way in helping us cope with the myriad problems that assail each of us daily. Sadly, there's too little of those going around and tragically, most of us are too hard on ourselves most of the time.

A test and a (deservedly) rest

Can't wait to go back to KL tomorrow evening. It has almost been a month that I am here in Singapore and I really miss him.

I sat for my professional paper yesterday. It was difficult, in the sense that they asked unexpected questions. The usual suspects didn't turn up this time.

Still, I have a good feeling about it. Managed to answer a little more than half of the questions and tembak (guessed) the rest.

Hopefully, my lucky letter of the day was E!

I am quite sick of this paper already, as I was taking it for the fourth time. I took Monday and Tuesday off and seriously, I don't think I could spend another day staring at the questions and notes!

It's sooooo time to move on, Derek.

I am really glad that CF called while I was at work today, as it is just not him to call. He wanted to tell me how he "came out" to a close friend of his in college. He was pretty stressed out about it initially.

Erm, "came out" in inverted commas as I am not sure what is the equivalent for a bisexual. I suppose it can be called the same. Heh.

Am so proud of you dear *hugs*

Looking forward to our wonderful time together tomorrow. ;P

Monday meet-up

Nothing much to report, going into the third week in Singapore.

Time really passes. Don't miss CF that much anymore. (Heh, am so gonna get for this. Of course I miss you, dear.)

I still read the news about what is happening in Malaysia. The Shahrir issue is indeed interesting and shows there's no way that Malaysia is going to be a First World country anytime soon.

Also, on the ground, there are closed minded bigots who grew up under a coconut shell. I really do wonder where do they get their ideas and opinions from.

Opinion
Monday May 8, 2006

House-husbands can lead to topsy-turvy homes

JUST when people think that husbands being homemakers is such a new and great idea, please spare some thoughts for the children.

What kind of a role model would the house-husband make for a growing boy?

He will probably grow up to be a feminine male and gay before long.

The reality is, whosoever brings home the bread will inevitably speak louder and have the last say.

We ought to be keeping the status quo and not advocating something topsy-turvy. Wives are to submit to their husbands.

I cannot picture how a breadwinner wife submitting to her homemaker husband.

CTH,
Kuala Lumpur.


Anyway, Legolas and Ru were in Singapore on Monday. They stayed for two nights and should be in Kota Kinabalu for now.

It was great to finally meet Ru. It's always good to know the face behind the blog. It adds a sense of connection.

As it is, I am still not that familiar with the places in Singapore yet. So I asked DG to come along as he has been here longer and er ... somewhat a food connoisseur.

He suggested Fish and Co, which he absolutely loves and he has been suggesting everytime we go out for meals.

I didn't think Ru would want to have more of what he could get back home and he suggested Crystal Jade instead, on Scott's Road.

I have no idea where that is, but actually it's at Orchard Road. So we met Legolas and Ru at the Orchard MRT.

Sigh, it reminded me of how CF totally loves Crystal Jade (the one in Sungai Wang, not Midvalley). He especially likes the siew loong pau (or Shanghai buns). Basically it is buns with pork fillings and soup. The bun is either steamed or fried.

Right after we ordered our food, CF called. We talked for a very short while and I told him where we were. Said how I know he adores the siew loong pau on the menu and wished he was there.

There were some other feelings which I felt, but I didn't express them. Basically, I promised to take him to Sungai Wang when I go back.

Which is pretty soon.

We ordered a little too much food but we managed to finish them, as Leggie was starving. ;P

They were saying that the hotel that they were staying in Singapore is the best so far and invited us to go visit.

Unfortunately, DG and I were tired and we have work the next day. The two of them were tired as well from their flight to Singapore and also from Paul's little mis-directions to them which caused to walk a lot.

I have my professional exam next week and after that, I don't have to spend my weekends mugging books. Which obviously means that I can finally go back for a visit.

I am really looking forward to that. Been missing him so much that it's almost killing me. I think it's the same for him too.

It's just ten more days CF dear. Ten more!

Expectations

A relationship entails a lot of give and take; compromises. On one hand, one is supposed to accept the other party for who he is - his strengths and weaknesses.

On the other, there are expectations on him, which he might not be able to fulfill.

Is there an equilibrium between the two contrasting aspects? If there isn't and the scale tips towards the latter, is that when a break up happens?

I believe that one should try to please the other as much as he can. Without compromising on one's principles/individuality/wants if possible. Or whenever he can.

For example, if he likes shopping and I don't and he wants me to come along, it's something which I could do and if it makes him happy, I don't see why not.

Not that I am an expert in relationships, but I am still learning as I go along. There are so many things which I don't know about him yet - his expecations, needs, wants, dreams, etc.

But he has been patient with me and letting me make my mistakes and learn from them.

Thank you, dear.

Likewise, sometimes I wish he would grow up a little, do things this way or that or whatever.

Nevertheless I realised that he's still growing. There are things which he has yet to learn and I have to let him learn in time. At his own pace.

I have to learn to be more patient. I don't know how he'll turn out, but essentially, I think he would still be the same. Or even a better version of who is now.

He will change. I will change. Hopefully, with even with all those changes, we'll still love one another.

And I think we will.

CF and I are really quite different people. I know people say opposites attract thing. It sounds nice and all, but in reality, sometimes he really drives me up the wall (and he'll cheekily said that I drive him to the moon).

It's amazing to the both us that we're still together.

Basically what I am saying that we all have expectations. He has his expectations and I have mine on him. But I am willing to change my expectations because it's him. Just as he is trying to do things for me because he knows I'll like it, even though he may not be willing.

The middle path. Tolerance.

Or maybe, it's just because we want our relationship to work and we'll do whatever it takes to make it happen.

I truly want you to be happy. I want us to be happy.

P/S I am writing this on a Saturday evening in the office! Had to come back to finish something due on Monday. Contemplative (and slightly mushy) mood came over, so this is what came out. Not sure whether it's completely coherent though. ;P

Coincidence

This is my second week here and so far, it's been good. I won't say great, as I have been staying at work till nine almost everyday for the past week! And I'm typing this at 9 p.m., just before I leave the office.

Last Thursday, I went out with LP to support a friend of his who was performing at MOX, the equivalent of Frangipani, but more cozy and less smoky, as smoking is not allowed there. I asked DG to come along, as he hasn't checked out the scene ever since he arrived in Singapore. DG is someone I met last year and we watched Batman Begins and whom I haven't met since.

I was introduced to a friend of LP there, EU.

My first impression of EU was that he's quite cute. He's thirty but looks like a university student! Heck, he can even pass off younger than that.

Anyway, I somewhat flirted with him.

I know I am attached and all, but CF and I have discussed this before I left for Singapore and flirting is allowed.

As usual, I called him the next day to tell him about my first week here and obviously, I also mentioned about what happened in MOX.

CF was upset that I did what I did. Even though he initially thought he wouldn't be upset about it, but apparently now that it has happened, he doesn't think that he can accept it.

Me being the ever loving boyfriend that I am (ahem!), I agreed.

So fine, I told him I won't anymore. But then hor, EU was the first new person I met since I know CF. Not that it makes it excusable, but yeah, the feeling of meeting new people can be refreshing and exciting.

Getting to know someone new is ... well, just interesting and appealing to me as I do like to know more people and all.

Anyways, you don't have to worry. I do keep to my words.

That was Friday. I was quite bored on Sunday and so I asked a friend of Kit's to show me around Singapore.

It so happened that the friend, MH, has a friend who was visiting from abroad. TS is Singaporean, but he has been overseas for the past seven years and comes back to visit once or twice a year.

Now, which city do you think TS is working in? Drum roll .... the very city that CF is going to - Vancouver!

I mean, what are the chances, right? It's such a coincident that I should give MH a call last weekend and even more statistically small to have a friend of his, working in Vancouver, to be visiting on that very weekend.

Needless to say, I took the opportunity to find out as much as I can about the city. Things like it's not as cold as cities on the east (Vancouver is on the west, next to the sea), the temperature drops to almost zero during winter, but luckily it only snows a day or two in a year (coz I am really afraid of the cold), it rains a lot during spring and autumn and the best time to visit is during the second half of the year.

In addition I also found out that it is easier to drive to get around than to take the bus or the train over there.

Over there, personal lives comes first. From what I heard, there is no such thing as working towards a work-life balance, as life there is already balanced and they are practising it, unlike here. If someone has a sick child, he can go home to attend to the kid and work can be delegated to someone else. Which is the opposite in this part of the world, where one has to get the job done no matter what.

Hmmm, I think I can get used to that kind of environment ;P

Oh, TS also showed me some pictures of Canada. Those were very picturesque scenaries of the Rocky Mountains and lakes and the outdoors. I think if ever there is a pull factor, this would be it. The parks, lakes, mountains, I love this kind of nature stuff.

Not forgetting of course that CF would be there and that is the main pull factor.

So, I spent the whole of Sunday outside going around Singapore, getting myself familiarised with the island. I went to Fort Canning, Marina Square and the whole of Orchard Road.

We've been talking a lot on the phone lately. Even though he is reluctant to call and he does not like talking on the phone much, he still tries, as he knows that the distance is harder for me than it is to him.

Thanks so much dear. Can't wait to see you again soon. *hugs*

P/S This blog was never meant to be so personal. And so saccharine sweet and diabetic-inducing mushy XD As you know, I do write about things which I feel strongly about; things that affect us as individuals. But lately, I haven't had the time to really read about current affairs. He is all I think about whenever I am free.

Greetings from the Lion City

My first blog post from Singapore.

I arrived in Singapore last Friday and I was supposed to start work the coming Monday. Without much time left and without a place to stay, I had to resort to agents to find me a room.

Which thankfully, I did on that right afternoon. I work quite near the Central Business District and I managed to find a place to stay which is two MRT stations away or 10 minutes bus ride. It is quite convenient to most places as it is quite central.

Initially, I wanted to live with gay tenants or owners. CF questioned the rationale behind that and I realised there isn't any good reasons to do so. I mean, it's not like I'll be bringing anyone back for .... whatever. But I did think that if there were someone to talk to like other tenants or landlord when I need to, would be great.

The thought of living with cute guys is appealing, but definitely not a smart thing to do. ;P

Presently, I am staying with a family, with two kids. Both are in their teens. The boy just finished secondary school and the girl is five years younger.

So far, things have been OK. I have got my work permit done. I know how to get to work and get back. I have got myself a map and a guidebook to the transportaion system. Which apparently is not peculiar to foreigners, even the locals have a copy of those. The reason being that there are more than a hundred buses serving a multitude of routes and areas.

Food wise, everything is quite bland. The Singaporeans have a preference to add chili sauce into all their noodles. Oh, and almost everyone speaks Mandarin here.

My Mandarin is basic to say the least. I can understand a little, after translating into Cantonese. In the meantime, I have to ask the people around me to repeat what they said whenver I did not catch them the first time.

Hopefully, my mastery of the language improves with time.

Anyway, as I am working with a private firm now, I don't think it's a wise idea to visit my blog from work. I haven't got a PC or laptop with me here, but most probably will soon.

In the meantime, this blog is proudly brought to you by CF, whom I sent to via email.

Things between us are OK. I do miss him, but at the same time I am busy adjusting myself to work and the environment, so not much time to mull about him. Which is a good thing in a way.

I do call back, even though it's pretty expensive and I would have to keep the conversation short. Frequency of communication between us is pretty much the same as I was back in KL. At first, I thought it is something undesirable i.e. communication should be more often as to make up for the distance.

After a few days here, I realise I can live it.

I believe the distance won't separate us. My feelings for him won't change, though I think I cannot ignore the possibility that the next time I meet him, it might be necessary for me to know him all over again. I am missing much of his life, which I would like to share and be part of.

Meanwhile, I am having a good time here, as I am doing and going to do things which I have never done before. On my first day of work yesterday, the unavoidable question of one's dating status came up.

I told them that I am attached to someone. The next natural question was whether she would be joining me in Singapore soon.

Basically, I informed them of what the situation really is between CF and I. The only detailed I changed was his gender.

Though I did jokingly said that they are welcome to introduce PEOPLE to me if they want to.

So yeah, that's all the updates for now.

P/S Not sure whether he would read this or not, but as always, I love you CF dear.

==================================

Not sure if I'm allowed to add in this part, but as mentioned above, this post is posted by CF! I'm just gonna say you have a lot of unnecessary worries! But anyway, I see your P/S there, dear! ;p

Singapore, here I come!

So many things to do, so little time.

When I was in Singapore last Friday, I checked out a few rooms. There were two which I quite liked, but didn’t manage to get as the owner of the first one preferred someone else and the second one wanted a long term lease, which I can’t promise to. For the latter, the room was quite nice, just that the location is a bit far.

The plan is to get a room to stay temporarily, which doesn’t take me a long time to get to work and I keep on looking for a place.

I didn’t sleep so well for the past few days worrying about my accommodation. As of today, I still haven’t found any. So I will have to bunk with a friend while I spend this weekend looking for a room.

People have been asking me how do I feel.

I don’t know. I don’t feel much anymore.

Initially I did feel eager to be in a new job, new environment, new people. But now, I don’t think so much about it anymore. I just do what needs to be done.

Which I am not sure whether is a good thing or not. It’s not like I lack enthusiasm, but it does feel like it’s just another job, only difference being in a different country.

But I hope not. It’s supposed to be something new, greener pastures, blah blah blah …. It’s supposed to be exciting and yet I am not feeling it yet.

Oh well.

I managed to spend some quality time with CF on Sunday and Tuesday. We didn’t argue as at all and he was being very nice, though he did have one of his foul moods on Tuesday. Thankfully, it didn’t last long.

Unexpectedly, I don’t feel as bad or think I would miss him as much as I thought I would. Perhaps I’m still here in KL.

Or that we have come to a stage that we are stable in our relationship and somewhat know that things would work out alright, even with the challenges of long distance involved.

Still, I know I would miss him. I have snapped some pictures of him wearing nothing the necklace which I gave him to take with me to Singapore.

Anyways, now that I will be working in a private firm in Singapore, not a semi-government one like I did, I don’t think I will have the chance to update my blog as often. But I would try of course.

Wish me luck in Singapore!

Strange conversation

For the past few days, I have been calling a few people in Singapore to enquire about rooms to let.

I saw one which seems quite good, but there was not much information in the advert. Even the cost of rent was not stated.

Obviously, I called to find out more. D is me; the owner is 0.

D: May I know what is the minimum rent you are looking for?
O: Well, it all depends on how cute you are.
D: (I was like, WTF?) Err ... you mean the cuter I am, the cheaper the rent?
O: Maybe. Because I have a few options. There are two bedrooms, one master bedroom and another common room. I am in the master bedroom and I am looking for someone cute to share the room with. The less cute one can stay in the other room.
D: Hmmmm.
O: Would you prefer to stay on your own or sharing with someone?
D: No preference actually. But I think staying with someone else is bit more difficult, as both have to accomodate each other.
O: Of course, of course. So how young are you?
D: Mm ... 25.
O: Where would you be working?
D: Near Robinson Road.
O: Is this your first time working abroad? Coming to Singapore to work?
D: Errr, this is really strange. I have not had anyone asked me all these questions before.
O: This is all part of understanding the tenant. It's normal to ask.
D: So can I ask you back a few questions?
O: Yeah, go ahead.
D: Are you the owner of the place?
O: Yes, I am. What is your budget anyway?
D: About 400. Maybe a little more than that is still OK.
O: I see.
D: How old are you?
O: You mean how young?
D: Err ... yeah.
O: What do you think?
D: Erm ... about 30.
O: More than 30. A mature man, a little bit more mature than you.

Then he went on to tell me that as he will be moving into this new place of his, his room in his parents' house, a HDB flat, would be vacant. He also said that for 400, that would be more suitable for my budget.

In additon, he also mention that he's not completely moving out of his parents' place, as he would be staying there on weekdays. On weekend, he would be at his new place.

It was all very confusing.

O: Do you have an online profile? Sgboy or fridae?
D: Why do you ask?
O: I want to have an idea how you look like.
D: (can't you wait till at least when I arrange for a viewing of the condo?) Errrm, it's ******* on Fridae.
Silence.
O: What is that again?
Silence.

Then the line was disconnected.

I am not sure whether he actually got my online profile nickname, but it didn't seem like it.

When I told CF about what happened, he was mad of course. Mad that I actually gave him my online profile. He thought that I was flirting with him.

Which I definitely did not! I felt unconfortable the whole time; felt like I was a piece of meat or something. I don't know why I didn't cut short the conversation and continued talking.

Sigh, I have to be more careful. A lesson learnt.

Happy birthday, dear!

Mushy content alert! I am not responsible if this post causes elevated blood sugar levels. ;P

Happy 21st birthday darling! And happy 99th day anniversary!

Looking back, I didn’t plan to date anyone so soon after breaking up in March last year. But you came into my life in October and without both of us knowing, things changed from then.

I still remember our first meet up. It was for Corpse Bride in Times Square, 6.30 p.m. show. You were late because of the Friday traffic.

I have never told you this before, but I really had a good time that day. Maybe it's just me getting along well with younger people. Or it was something comforting and endearing about you.

Whatever it was, I began to hang out with you more. We went on to watch Harry Potter, Cello, Zathura, Narnia and SPL.

The thing that stopped me from initiating anything was you being younger. I had wanted someone closer to my age.

As things didn’t turn out as planned and I didn’t get to meet you today, I was looking at testimonials from your friends and acquaintances. I can’t help but smiled at the way they have described you.

It is said that how one’s partner treats the people around him is a good gauge of character and personality. You passed with flying colours.

Thank you for being you.
Thank you for being my boyfriend.
Thank you for choosing me.

Words can’t fully describe the feelings I have towards you now. I would try, though, with words which are not mine.

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -Victor Hugo

The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -Neale Donald Walsch

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things ... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying - Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness. - Susan Sarandon, Shall We Dance

For the past fourteen weeks that we have been together, we have had our fair share of disagreements. We are quite different in our personalities.

I am more left-brained and you right-brained. I care about what happens in the world, whereas you less so. We look at things differently; you from a humanistic point of view and me from a pragmatic one.

I also realize that you are who you are. Although there are things which I would like you to act or do differently and I would be happy if you did, I know that that would only make you, less you.

And I wouldn’t want that.

I am aware that I am not perfect either. Love is seeing perfection in imperfection.

I just want to say that, you have brought joy into my life, you have shown me what giving means, you have taught me lessons in life.

Whatever it is, you know that I am always here for you. May we have many more birthdays to celebrate together.

I want to see you grow.
I want to see you become the person you will eventually be.
I want to be part of your life.

I just want YOU.

Mixed feelings

I just tendered my resignation on Friday. The ultimate outcome of me going to Singapore becomes closer.

And I am scared.

I know this day is going to come, but when it did, it was still shocking. It’s like “I am finally leaving!”

On one hand, I am excited. On the other, all I think about is CF.

I texted my friend, HL, in the UK and I asked him to call me. I was feeling terribly depressed yesterday.

Perhaps it’s the impending eventuality - the change in environment, people, work place. I must admit that at this point in time, it feels more overwhelming than exciting.

HL had similar experience with long distance relationship (LDR). Granted, he broke off with his other half before he left for the UK. According to him and the some friends that he knows, LDRs don’t work. It’s the exception rather than the norm when it does work.

Not very encouraging, I know. All he could say was don’t get my hopes too high.

CF lives one day at a time. Which is good and bad. It is appropriate even, due to so many uncertainties at this stage in his life.

Perhaps it is just me. When I was 21, I roughly knew what I was going to do, where I was headed, etc. Though many of that didn’t happen as I planned, I did have a somewhat clear picture in my head.

I am the sort of person who needs to know what will happen and do everything I can to make it happen in my favour.

I realize I have been thinking too much. Which was not the right thing to do. And which is why I drank quite a bit during earlier during the barbeque at a colleague’s house. It was more like a gathering cum farewell for me.

It was fun. I seldom go out with my colleagues socially. Definitely will miss them.

PDAs not allowed

Early yesterday morning I was greeted with such … absurdity.

I am sure many other blogs have picked up on this also. I wanted to post this up yesterday, but couldn't as I took half day off work to spend time with CF.

From the Sun:
The Federal Court has ruled that local governments have the power to prosecute citixens who behave in a disorderly manner in public.

The court ruled that Section 8 (1) of the Park By-Laws, the section invoked by the Datuk Bandar to punish persons caught behaving indecently in public was constitutional.

Chief Justice Tun Ahmad Fairuz said: “So they should be given freedom to live as they like? The constitution allows all citizens to do that (hugging and kissing) even by the roadside, in public park?”

“In England those acts are acceptable to the people in the country but is kissing and hugging acceptable to Malaysian citizens? Is the act according to the morality of the Asian people?”

What constitutes kissing? How do you define it? There are simple pecks on the cheeks / foreheads and lips-to-lips kissing and French kissing and so on.

Does this mean that even simple pecks are not allowed? What about those kissing the air left and right of the cheeks?

Another thing is, who defines what is acceptable to Malaysian citizens? Was a vote conducted?

I am also wondering what is Asian morality? Does it include couples not show any affection at all towards each other? It’s known that Malaysians don’t express themselves verbally (how often do parents say I love you), especially the men. Now expressing it in action also cannot.

Then how lar? In the bedroom?

Are we a society where people are frigid and reserved in public spaces, but wild and unrestrained in the bedrooms? I doubt all those repression of emotions will do any good to any lovey-dovey couple. For all we know, it might lead to more sexual activities.

I mean, all those sexual needs and urges must come out somewhere. Perhaps what is happening in Arab would arise here as well.

As everyone knows, people won’t stop doing something just because someone else tells them to. There has to be a motivation or an incentive for them to act.

And punishment has never been a good motivator or disincentive to act, if at all.

The more perplexing thing is that, apparently tourists can kiss and they will not be harassed.

This part, from the BBC report, is really funny:
Malaysia has a Muslim majority, but people of all religions are broadly conservative in their outlook.

Local television channels reflect this by censoring kissing so viewers are left to fill in the gaps when characters about to embrace suddenly appear in different parts of the room looking shocked or emotional for no apparent reason.

Am I correct to say that the whole world can kiss and is acceptable for them to, while here in goody goody Malaysia, we don't (or at least not in public)?

I suppose we want to be different in the eyes of the world. Different species of humans maybe who don't kiss or hug or show any loving emotions at all.

His birthday Part II

Not sure whether I jinxed it by posting it up yesterday night.

What happened was that, after I posted it up, CF called and we spoke on the phone. He was unhappy about something and I made him spilled it out. Somehow, it was related to the birthday celebrations that I was planning.

What I actually did was calling up his friends without CF knowing. He was furious that I have taken his friends' number without telling him.

The result was, I had to tell him everything that I had planned to make him understand the reasons.

It was my fault too as I didn't do sufficient "security control / strict warnings" to his friends not to tell him anything.

Oh well. So yeah, no suprises for him either, celebration-wise.

I think I suck at doing surpises.

His birthday

CF’s birthday is coming up soon. In a week's time, he's turning 21. Legal age.

For the past week, that is all I can think about.

I have an idea of what to get him, but then there’s always the conflicting questions of “Should I surprise him with something, which I am not sure whether he’ll like/wear/use/display?” or “Should I ask him what he wants so that he’ll actually like/wear/use/display/parade in it?”

I decided on the latter.

So yeah, no surprises for him.

I know he loves surprises. Who doesn't, right? And the gift that I have in mind, I know it will be the best surprise ever.

When I informed him on Wednesday what the gift is, he actually said that he doesn't think it would look nice on him.

Anyway, I am still getting him that, but in the form which he likes.

Unexpectedly, he texted me on Friday while he was in Midvalley and told me what he wanted. I mean, not something that he wants for his birthday, but something he would like to have - the new album by Daniel Lee. And also the album of Nicholas Teo.

I didn’t even know Daniel has a new album. While I was out today, I found out that it is actually his first album, but with five music videos in it which are new songs.

Basically just a repackaged album with some additional stuff thrown in.

The thought of getting him that did cross my mind earlier, but now I don't think I will.

I also have been trying to organize celebrations for him with his friends. Surprisingly (or maybe not), they asked me how come I don’t want to celebrate with him alone?

Not that I don’t. But I thought that he would like it more with his friends around. The more the merrier kind of thing.

You have no idea how many group of friends he has - current college friends, previous college friends, previous university friends, online gaming friends, high school friends, bloggers and gay friends (he knows the last two from me).

All of them can't be accomodated into one weekend. Till now, he's meeting four of the above groups.

Last but not least, there's me.

I am going to get the gift this week.

By the way, CF is not supposed to know all these. I am referring to the birthday celebrations. So, I would really appreciate it if no one tells him. Thanks. ;P

A little incident

CF had a minor incident on Tuesday.

He was making a right turn when a motorcyclist was speeding and collided into the front of his car.

Apparently, it wasn’t a hard hit as the motorcyclist could get up and ride away. So CF drove on, as he shouldn’t stop the flow of traffic anyway.

When he stopped at the traffic light further down the road, a man in uniform rode up to the window on the passenger's side, took down his plate number and told CF to go to the nearest police station.

Then he rode off.

CF, my dear innocent boyfriend, didn’t know where the nearest police station is. Well, actually, he does, but he was panicking and couldn’t think properly.

His earlier offense of not stopping to check on the motorcyclist, didn’t help either. He was feeling a little afraid and guilty.

But then hor, CF said it was my fault as he was on his way to my office to pick me up. He didn’t go to the police station but came straight to my office instead.

As I got into the car, he looked furious. If looks could kill, the one on his face definitely qualifies.

When I was in the car, he decided to go to the police station nearest to the scene of the incident. But I found out from a colleague that we have to go to the nearest traffic police station, not just any police station.

We knew we were doing the right thing, but it didn’t seem like the smart thing to do. I mean, if the other guy was alright, why report it and get fined (and pay a little extra), lose on NCD (no claims discount) and have his driving license suspended?

In the meantime, I was also calling up a colleague who knows what to do in this kind of situation.

According to him, it was best not to report. The circumstances seemed to be in our favour and his reasons convinced us. I am not going to say what his arguments were.

Suffice to say, CF didn’t do a hit-and-run. He saw that the guy was OK, even without getting out from the car.

So yeah, I suppose he was lucky. We didn’t want to have to deal with the police again, after this little incident.

And he isn't mad at me anymore. But we still made up after that. ;P

Regression

What’s the hottest news in the papers currently? No, it’s not about the National Automative Policy, but about tudung (head scarf).

Recently, the Inspector-General of Police said that all policewomen must wear headscarves during official functions. The reason is according to him, “was for the sake of uniformity.”

This blogger put it succinctly, when he said:
Since when has the need for uniformity in police parades over-ridden the individual right to freedom of religion?

The tudung is a Muslim headdress; it is worn by Muslim women who believe that covering the head, with the exception of the face, is required by their religion.

Let me ask this question: If there are fewer tudung-wearing policewomen in a particular parade than those not wearing the tudung, which of the two groups are not "uniformly dressed"?

The answer is, girls and boys, the group wearing the tudung.

For the past few months, issues after issues have emerged, mostly about religion encroaching on civil liberties. And quite often, common sense too.

A professor of law in UTM has called it the “'silent re-writing' of the Constitution.”

Malaysia is gradually turning into an Islamic state in practice, even though “a Federal Court decision of 1988 which considered Article 3 of the Federal Constitution and emphatically declared that this (Malaysia) is a secular nation.”

Even in the United States, more and more people are becoming insular in religion, as the world becomes wider as borders fall and globalization marches on. But at least there is a healthy debate and that many believe that separation of state and religion is what a democracy should be.

The writer of the New York Times bestseller “The World is Flat”, Thomas Friedman has his own ideas about why the Islamic world is getting more reactionary and easily provoked over things religious.

Today's world has become so wired together, so flattened, that you can't avoid seeing just where you stand on the planet -- just where the caravan is and just how far ahead or behind you are. In this flat world you get your humiliation fiber-optically, at 56K or via broadband, whether you're in the Muslim suburbs of Paris or Kabul. Today, Muslim youth are enraged by cartoons in Denmark. Earlier, it was a Newsweek story about a desecrated Quran. Why? When you're already feeling left behind, even the tiniest insult from afar goes to the very core of your being -- because your skin is so thin.

India is the second-largest Muslim country in the world, but the cartoon protests here, unlike those in Pakistan, have been largely peaceful. One reason for the difference is surely that Indian Muslims are empowered and live in a flourishing democracy. India's richest man is a Muslim software entrepreneur.
But so many young Arabs and Muslims live in nations that have deprived them of any chance to realize their full potential.

The Middle East Media Research Institute, called MEMRI, just published an analysis of the latest employment figures issued by the U.N.'s International Labor Office. The ILO study, MEMRI reported, found that "the Middle East and North Africa stand out as the region with the highest rate of unemployment in the world": 13.2 percent. That is worse than in sub-Saharan Africa. [ See MEMRI Inquiry and Analysis Series - No. 265 - February 10, 2006 Unemployment in the Middle East – Causes and Consequences]

No wonder so many young people in this part of the world are unprepared, and therefore easily enraged, as they encounter modernity. And no wonder backward religious leaders and dictators in places like Syria and Iran -- who have miserably failed their youth -- are so quick to turn their young people's anger against an insulting cartoon and away from themselves and the rot they have wrought.

Is Islamisation of Malaysia a response to modernity, which to a lot people here, is always taken to mean the Western world and loose morals? That the current moral decay of society, what with higher incidences of murder and rape, the supposedly prevalence of homosexuality, prostitution, etc can be overcome with going back to rigid and dogmatic practices?

I am not saying that religion won't help. But they are looking at the wrong things. The way people dress is not correlated with how religious they are. Someone who dresses skimpily may be a deeply God-fearing person whereas someone else who prays five times a day may be accepting bribes.

It's the way religion is thought, the people, the environment. If kids are thought to only memorise lines, if the people around them do not practise what they preach, if they see injustice done and still they can get away with it; these are the things that matter.

And things that matter, the root of the problem, are always the hardest to dig up and to throw away. To start all over.

When people fear something, they turn to the only things they know. Or feel is the only certain thing in the world - God’s words.

Or rather, their interpretation of his words.

I think Alex Au captures it best.

Modernity and reason as threat
The world has been globalising for the last few hundred years, but one player has had a huge advantage -- the West. Modernity as we know it first developed there; European societies and their offshoots have had the most time to adjust to its demands and reap its benefits.

Other societies, e.g. in the Arab world, India and China, have tended to experience modernity as invasive, disruptive and alien. Not surprisingly, the response is a circling of the wagons, a heightened sense of identity being under siege.

There is a natural instinct to recall past glories to bolster the argument against the invasion of modernity, which is often cast as Westernisation. What past glories are recalled naturally depends on what past civilisational glories there are. In China we see a resort to nationalism, since its political achievements have been a near-continuous thread through its history. Across the Arab world, most of today's states are recent inventions, so nationalism doesn't have the same resonance. Instead the past glory that is most available for comfort is that of the early caliphates.
That explains why Islamic identity seems more easily roused than national identity.

In the last 2 decades or so, the rhetoric of Islamic identity has bubbled over from the Arab states into other Muslim-majority countries, such as Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Malaysia and Indonesia. In the latter two, we have seen how Malay and Javanese identity is now being pre-empted by Islamic identity.

Female dressing has become more conformist, occasionally more Arab-like. Vigilante mobs go around enforcing Islamic precepts against co-mingling of sexes and entertainment. In Indonesia, there is currently a push to pass an "anti-pornography" law, but which may contain criminal sanctions against un-Islamic dressing, the mixing of men and women and the mildest allusions to the erotic. In Malaysia, a bill to make apostasy a criminal offence has been proposed. In fact, no Muslim in Malaysia has any practical way of renouncing his religion. He is bound by Islamic Sharia law whether he likes it or not.

Beyond technology, reason too leads to a rethink of the way society is structured. Why do kings claim a "divine right" to rule? Why should some men be more equal than others? Why shouldn't women be the equal of men? Why is one religion considered "true" and others not? What constitutes reliable evidence in a trial? Why should certain opinions be punishable?

It then led to steady improvement in civic life.

A few weeks backs, a headmistress in Penang withdraw her netball team when she saw them playing without head scarves. The girls said that it was uncomfortable wearing them while playing in the afternoon sun.

It’s utterly perplexing that logic and reason still lose to some other “logic”, in this day and age.

Nine things about me

Some stuff about me. This is some sort of a filler post.

1) I was bullied when I was in primary school. Lower primary was the worst. Interestingly, the class bully is now a tuition teacher.

2) When I was younger, I used to think that sparrows are baby crows. I found it amazing that those cute, small birds could turn into big, black, ugly and noisy ones.

3) I used to take gift cards from stores. I stopped when I saw the price 0.90 written in pencil on it. The ones that I took before didn’t have any price tags.

4) When I was four or five, I was knocked down by a bicycle. It went over my butt.

5) I was in all-boys primary and secondary school.

6) I hang around the basketball court in school, on hot afternoons, to watch boys play shirtless. And sweaty. Yummm.

7) Seven. That's the number of hours of sleep I need a day. Anything less, I become grouchy and grumpy.

8) I love fish. Steamed fish, raw fish, Fillet-O-Fish, fish and chips, etc. I don’t like to keep them in bowls though. Oh, and I am a Piscean.

9) Nine in Cantonese sounds like dog. I am afraid of dogs and cockroaches. Well, not all of them. Those small and cute and don’t bark ones are OK.

Have a great weekend.

Yonder

It’s interesting that my readers here know that about my job down south, but my colleagues still don’t. At least most of them anyway.

I was in Singapore yesterday to sign the employment contract, medical check up and submit the employment pass application. Thought I could finish everything pretty quickly, but I spent about half an hour looking for the clinic.


I arrived back in KL close to midnight. I switched on the radio in the car and managed to catch a bit of the interview with Kit. He talked about his work as a phone counselor with PT Foundation; what does PT Foundation do and what he feels about volunteerism.

I could only understand bits and pieces, as it was in Mandarin.

And I couldn’t listen to it for long either, as my dad was with me and he has this misconception that HIV/AIDS equals being gay.

Currently, they are having a recruitment drive for new volunteers. If anyone is interested (I hope so!), please attend the Volunteer Orientation Briefing either on 25 March (Saturday) at 3:00pm or 28 March (Tuesday) at 8:00pm. The PT Foundation address can be found on the right sidebar.

And no, you don’t have to know how to speak Mandarin.

Anyway, it’s almost final. My new job in Singapore. In less than a month’s time, I will be at my new work place. Away from home for the first time, with a body of water little bit of sea separating me from the people and places I have known all my life.

So drama, right?

Yeah, I know it’s not that far and I know that I will be back. In a year or two.

Thanks for all the well wishes so far. I will be starting a new and exciting chapter in my life and I am looking forward to it.

Ramblings

Living is a challenge. So many things to juggle, so many people to please (including myself), so many tasks to be done, so many wants to be fulfilled (desire is the cause of suffering). It can be overwhelming at times.

For those who are single, they yearn for a partner. Those who are attached sometimes wish that they are single again. A perfect example of the adage that the grass is always greener on the other side.

But really, each situation has its own set of problems. Singlehood has its own share of problems and so does commitment to another person.

Similarly, getting married to solve the issues that come with homosexuality (pressure from parents and relatives, projecting the image of a successful director with wife and kids) is not unlike jumping from the pan into the fire. It’s not like marriage solves everything – there are marriage related issues too, like how to split the house chores, family planning, in-laws, etc.

What is the worse that can happen in a relationship? Breaking up?

Sometimes ending it is the best thing one can do. Rather than all the silence and awkwardness, the uncomfortable glances and resentful stares.

Sometimes, a romantic relationship is not meant to be. Being friends is the best one can hope for and it would be just as good, if not better, than boyfriends.

I know it is cliché, but I believe this to be true. If you love someone, you want him to be happy. Even if that happiness comes from another person, male or female. One cannot help but be happy as well, though obviously with a tinge of disappointment and hurt.

Realising that nothing lasts forever is probably the most important lesson to remember. Carpe diem. Live in the moment. Live for the moment.

I am sure you have heard the one about shopping for men. It goes like this:

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

Obviously, it's unfair to say that it's just the women who are not satisfied. I think it applies to most of us.

Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with the men, even those on the first floor. There will always be someone better, cuter, wealthier, hunkier, longer, etc. When will it end then? It won’t.

We humans can never be satisfied. As they say, happiness is not about having the things that you want, but wanting the things that you have.

P/S In case any of you are wondering, this post does not represent my relationship with CF. I just want to get all these out of my head.

Hectic

CF and I celebrated my birthday at San Francisco’s Steakhouse. As he has never eaten there before, I thought I would on the special occasion.

The food was good, but he felt they were way overpriced. RM55.90 for a sirloin steak as big as the palm of my hand. Thus, he decided that this would be his first and last time.

In the midst of dinner, I brought up something which upset him a lot.

I have always believed in speaking my mind. To open up and express whatever that bothers me. In this case, honesty wasn’t something that was desired.

Still, I felt that it was out in the open and we managed resolve it. I got a better understanding of CF and his character.

After dinner, we went to watch Casanova. He had wanted to watch it ages ago, so I let him have his way. It was an enjoyable and fun movie, with average acting; definitely not Best Actor Oscar award kind of level.

We had some good laughs and he was back to his normal self. Somewhat.

For the first time that I can remember, I didn’t spend the weekend with him. Which was probably a good thing. He has been moody recently and the cause of it was only identified yesterday – me going to Singapore.

I thought that he was quite OK with it as he seemed to have accepted it and know that it’s for the better. Things would work out eventually, but at the moment, I suppose it is difficult to see that now.

To me, people’s feelings are important and are not to be toyed with.

I realize it’s not going to be easy for the both us.

My thoughts are all over the place as I write this. The offer from Singapore came yesterday. Not that I haven’t been expecting it, but it did come a little too soon.

Things have been quite hectic and will continue to be. I have been pretty much doing, without much thinking.

Yesterday, a close friend Kit, asked both of us out for dinner as a treat for my birthday. Haven’t met him since Chinese New Year and we had a great time. Even CF was in a good mood.

Sigh, so many things to do with so little time.

Silver jubilee

This morning I got a handshake from dad and a Happy Birthday. Though I am not entirely surprised with this very typical masculine, stoic and fatherly gesture, I was still kinda disappointed.

The handshake was followed by, “It’s time to get a girlfriend. Twenty five already and still don’t have one. Have to go around and mix with more people.”

I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Mom was there too and she appeared nonchalant.

Anyway, I was not in a good mood yesterday. I don’t know the reason exactly, but it started right after CF spoke to me in the afternoon on the phone. I blame him; rightly or wrongly, I am not sure. It was something he said, and he sent a text to apologize, right before I went to bed.

As the relationship progresses, things change. CF also changes. And from what I have seen, he has. He has become more confident and self-assured. Which makes my nurturing protective and supportive side less needed. Less often demonstrated.

On one hand, I am glad. Glad that he has become a better person. On the other hand, it was sort of a wonderful feeling to be able to comfort him in that way. It was good while it lasted.

Anyway, on Wednesday, I was in Singapore again for the second and final interview. It was with the General Manager, Managing Director, a manager and an HR executive.

It was more like getting-to-know you session, asking me about my current job, my family, exams, etc. Nothing of the where-do-you-see-yourself-in-five-years-time or why-should-we-hire-you-and-not-others sort of questions.

As I am now a quarter century old, I can’t call myself young anymore. When I was 24, I can still say I was in my early 20’s. Now that I am twenty five, it seems much closer to 30 (if you round it up).

I know I am gonna get an earful from those who are much closer to age 30.

I would like to do some deep reflection on the past twenty five years, but not in that kind of mood now. What have I done, where I am going ...

Things are great; life is good. It can only get better.

Have a great weekend all.

The direct Derek

There is a friend of mine whom I have recently suspected to be playing on our team. I haven’t known him that long, perhaps a little more than half a year. I base my judgment on how he dresses and the way he talks. He goes to the gym weekdays and weekends.

Not sure how to approach the subject, yet I was interested to know another gay friend. He knows about my interview in Singapore next week.

Last Thursday, while we were having lunch.

Me: So yeah, the person that isn’t too happy about me going to Singapore is my boyfriend. He said that he would prefer me to go anywhere else but there, coz the people there are prettier.
Him: Is it? I don’t think so. I think Hong Kong they have better looking people; people who really know how to dress. Singapore not so much. I have also noticed the people in the gym, they dress really nice and have nice bodies.
Me: Anyway, are you seeing anyone?
Him: Yeah, I am seeing someone. But we’re having some trouble between us … blah, blah, blah

He didn’t mention the pronoun of his partner. Actually he did. But I couldn't catch it properly. Even when he said it like, five times. It sounded very much like he.

Or perhaps it was just me being hopeful.

This was how I proceeded.

Me: So where does he or she work?
Him: In a bank.

More conversation followed. I think he seemed hesitant whenever he mentioned the pronoun of his partner.

I couldn't wait any longer.
Me: Hold on, but I didn’t get the gender of your partner. Is it a he or she?
Him: It’s she.
Me: Riiiight.

Oh well. At least I know. And he knows about me. We still talk like usual. No awkwardness. It didn’t bother him much.

And fortunately, the whole thing didn't backfire.

The next day, we went out for lunch again.

Perhaps it was this connection that we have that got my gaydar all wrong. Though I still have a feeling that he is.